Friends?

Life can be so cruel at times Roobi. Anyway a belated Happy Birthday to you. 💐

I have read on GN that special occasions like this are treated a little differently by some folks. I was impressed just before last Christmas when a few Posters said that they would be alone for the holiday. They had bought themselves a few small luxuries like chocolate, flowers, gift, special food and indulged themselves whilst alone. When my time comes to be alone I have decided I will do this.

I too was upset by someone who I thought was a friend. We met when our children were babies (they will soon be 50!). I moved away but we kept in touch and met up half way annually until COVID. Last year I was in Waitrose in the adjacent town to where I live and I suddenly saw this old friend. I immediately asked her what brought her there and she said they had bought a house it the town as a second home. I said how lovely we can meet up more regularly. I then asked her when they had got this second home and she said ‘a year ago’. 😳. A whole year and she had never told me, I was so upset. I have met her for lunch once which went well, but all has gone quiet and I am reluctant to suggest another meeting in case she has moved on from our friendship.

Sending you good wishes anyway, Roobi. I hope things get better for you. Your friends are being a bit thoughtless aren't they.
So many of my friends have died or moved away and it's not easy making new ones. I'm lucky enough to see my family regularly, but friends are thin on the ground these days.
Good luck.

Making time and effort, is all part of caring. In my opinion.

A thought in someone's head just doesnt cut it. At least amongst people I know.

Maggiemaybe

Oh dear. Is it really so much trouble and effort now to remember a friend’s special birthday and acknowledge it, even if that friend’s living on her own and not on social media? I find that very sad.

Apparently we buy over 800 million cards every year in the UK, so plenty of other people must feel as I do.

Agreed.

NotSpaghetti

As was Doodledog - or so I thought!
I suggested WhatsApp too.

Thanks, Not Spaghetti.

As was Doodledog - or so I thought!
I suggested WhatsApp too.

welbeck

well, that's me slapped down.
i was actually trying to be positive, supportive.
no matter.
and thanks to Curtaintwitcher, Aveline, MOnica and BlueBelle.

We all understood the kindness you were expressing 😉

Your other good friends did nothing either.

Maybe it is what happens where you are, but it isnt here.

I assume they knew your birthday date?

Thank you NotSpaghetti slipped past me 😳😳

Maggiemaybe

^If someone chooses not to use WhatsApp or Facebook, or be able to get texts, that's not the fault of the senders either. Nowadays all of those things are easily available and have been for so long that most people have access to them.^

Well, Doodledog as they’d say on Mumsnet, you do you, but please spare me the lessons in caring and sensitivity.

I don't know why you have taken against my posts on this thread. We have different opinions, and that's ok. What has my comment on WhatsApp etc got to do with sensitivity? Everyone on this thread is, by definition, IT literate and has either a smartphone, an iPad (or equivalent) or a computer. I'm not standing in the Post Office and shouting out that people without such things are in some way lacking.

Anyway, thanks for suggesting that I 'do me' (awful phrase). I usually do, and expect others to do the same without sniping at them if 'their being them' is different. I'm off this thread now, as far from making the OP feel better, this won't be helping.

I’m so sorry, roobi - no wonder you’re feeling rubbish. Please have belated 🎂🥂💐xx

Sorry, cross posts

It was here RosiesMaw, Welbeck was making suggestions:

"Sorry you've been under the weather, but projecting these expectations onto others isn't going to help you."

"Maybe you can develop wider interests, or even niche ones, rather than ruminating in a negative way.
there's so much to discover, be amused, or amazed by, without even leaving youtube! I hope you will feel better."

RosiesMaw

Roobi

Also, don’t understand the reference to YouTube?

I have been through this thread now and can’t find any reference to YouTube especially not before 03.27
Please put me right somebody!

Ask a beady eye ....
there's so much to discover, be amused, or amazed by, without even leaving youtube!
02.51

If someone chooses not to use WhatsApp or Facebook, or be able to get texts, that's not the fault of the senders either. Nowadays all of those things are easily available and have been for so long that most people have access to them.

Well, Doodledog as they’d say on Mumsnet, you do you, but please spare me the lessons in caring and sensitivity.

Roobi

Also, don’t understand the reference to YouTube?

I have been through this thread now and can’t find any reference to YouTube especially not before 03.27
Please put me right somebody!

Your friends reaction of “you’re joking…..means that she didn’t know how important this birthday was to you.

If your closest friend of 50 years doesn’t really know how you feel then it is understandable that others would not, I am not a birthday person but send to those that are, maybe nobody knows you are a birthday person.

I definitely think a good friend should have acted better.

A belated Happy Birthday .

I'm not good at birthdays and never have been but my mother definitely was. I have some dear and old friends and we don't remember each others birthdays unprompted - I know my friend's husband's birthday because it's a date that sits on one of our family birthdays. What we do, is really enjoy and celebrate each other as-and-when.

I think there are more if us growing older in this more ad-hoc way and that your friends do care about you.

Why not make a get-together date in the future and meet half way?

Or have a "virtual" celebration?...
I've got a "date" for a video call via WhatsApp - it's coffee and cake in a fortnight with my lovely but miles-away friend whose birthday was weeks ago. We will both sit and enjoy cake and a chat and then get back to work on projects in our respective "workshops". We can chat as long as we want with no charges too I'm really looking forward to it.

A bit like "knit and natter" but no need to go out!

Sending belated birthday wishes... I think that being more proactive will make you feel more in control - and happier.

welbeck

well, that's me slapped down.
i was actually trying to be positive, supportive.
no matter.
and thanks to Curtaintwitcher, Aveline, MOnica and BlueBelle.

Wellbeck I also thought your reply was caring,, and didn't justify the response you received...

Maggiemaybe

Sorry, but that's exactly what I was saying in my post. You have ascribed a 'trouble and effort' motive to people who don't share your views about cards, and this is the sort of reasoning that makes people feel sad if they don't get them.

I don't send them (other than to immediate family) - not because of the 'trouble and effort', but because I don't see them as a signifier of my love for people. I'm not pushing that onto you, but if I took your approach I could say 'Oh dear, is it too much trouble and effort for people to go and visit one another or send them a text?', and that would be just as unreasonable.

I understand the OP feeling disappointed, but was making the point that the lack of cards does't mean that she's not cared about. Your post suggests that you think otherwise, which is a bit insensitive, IMO.

Oh dear. Is it really so much trouble and effort now. . .
I rest my case

Loneliness especially on your birthday - just as at Christmas- is especially hard to take but instead of waiting and hoping that people will have remembered in time to do something about it, my philosophy is to be more proactive (but maybe not very subtle!)
Giving enough notice I will tell a few friends that its my birthday soon (gentle hint) how about we all go out to lunch or afternoon tea somewhere nice? I dont expect AC and GC to be available on a work /school day so I invite them to lunch on a suitably close Saturday or Sunday
You might argue THEY should remember but we're none of us perfect and I'd rather have company instigated by me than be IN THE RIGHT but sit in isolation .

welbeck

well, that's me slapped down.
i was actually trying to be positive, supportive.
no matter.
and thanks to Curtaintwitcher, Aveline, MOnica and BlueBelle.

I think if somebody is feeling a bit low and goes public, they might want a bit of sensitivity.

We all know that getting out there, socialising and so on is good for our MH but its a Catch 22 that you lose confidence and can't face it.