Friends?

NanaTuesday

Roobi

Thanks,Welbeck - I haven’t been ‘under the weather’ and I have diverse interests. What possesses people on here to think they have this superior insight into others” lives? Groan.

Roobi
Just sitting hete waiting for some meringues to bake & read your post . Although it’s an old one now , I hope you aren’t feeling as low 👌
I totally agree with you re the ‘superior insight ‘ part . It happens every time I feign to post something on GN .
I have fads , fits & starts of both reading & posting . I feel that there are few and far between people posting without criticism of whatever you post about .

I do know what you mean.

There is a long established, Soop thread, if that would help.

But I do wonder if there is a place for a maybe Gransnet Cafe thread, for like minded people like yourself and Roobi etc, to post in peace. If you see what I mean.

I see no superior or unkind comments on here, but plenty of honest and positive ones. (Which is why I joined Gransnet in the first place.)

I do not like birthdays now, they come around far too quickly, though I send greetings and presents to friends and family.

One thing I have learned is that you need to be your own best friend……other people will make you happy and fulfilled, but not always. We do not know what is going on on their lives or what they are worried about. If they do not come up to scratch there may be something we do not know about. If we can achieve a little bit of inner strength and resources then we can cope with disappointment.

Roobi, your friend did remember your birthday even though late. One week is not long really.

I tend to agree with Poppyred.

I thought some posters were suggesting that it is a two way street, not nasty, but realistic.

In the last year, I have felt that my friends have withdrawn from my life.
There are a variety of reasons:, my ill health means I often have to turn down invites, they are heavily involved in childminding and the main reason, I haven't made much of an effort, becoming quite insular.
I have done a lot of thinking about it and I am as much at fault.

Relationships can be odd things for sure.

I didn’t see any nasty posts? Just a few Gnetters a little bit more intuitive than others, trying to reason why the OP was ignored.

Does the OP acknowledge her friends birthdays? She didn’t say did she. There is usually a reason why such hurtful happen.

I have a friend who was very upset and cross when she wasn’t invited to her niece’s wedding. I asked her what her relationship was like with her niece - “Oh I haven’t seen or spoken to her since she was little” was her answer.

What a world when sombody shows their hurt and vulnerablity, only to be swiftly dispached by some on GN.

I hope OP has found some kindness and a little light.

More a case of Race Around Sainsburys for me these days.

MayBee70

That's why I love Race Around the World Marydoll. And old Michael Palin programmes!

I have often said that I have seen the world with Michael Palin....and I now see more of it with Race Across the World!

thank you Marydoll, and Curtaintwitcher.
i think there are some goady posts around, as they say on MN.
i'll think twice before trying to be positive next time.
c'est la vie, mon amie.

Maybee, the only downside is that I get quite nostalgic and a little sad about the places I once loved to visit.

That's why I love Race Around the World Marydoll. And old Michael Palin programmes!

welbeck

Curtaintwitcher

Roobi

Thanks,Welbeck - I haven’t been ‘under the weather’ and I have diverse interests. What possesses people on here to think they have this superior insight into others” lives? Groan.

That response to sympathy might give a clue as to why your birthday was ignored.

indeed

I too took your post as sympathetic, welbeck

I fully understood the reference to YouTube. My life is limited by ill health and You Tube allows me travel the world, without leaving the house..

Roobi

Thanks,Welbeck - I haven’t been ‘under the weather’ and I have diverse interests. What possesses people on here to think they have this superior insight into others” lives? Groan.

Roobi
Just sitting hete waiting for some meringues to bake & read your post . Although it’s an old one now , I hope you aren’t feeling as low 👌
I totally agree with you re the ‘superior insight ‘ part . It happens every time I feign to post something on GN .
I have fads , fits & starts of both reading & posting . I feel that there are few and far between people posting without criticism of whatever you post about .

I guess you did hear from your friend just not when you needed to on the actual day. There are people out there who are like that - she sent you a card and a book, so what? But it was your special day and it left you feeling sad, lonely and let down not to mention disappointed. Also it makes you wonder, is this it for the rest of my life. No it isn’t and I think that’s what Welbeck was trying to say. There are other interests. however finding good friends isn't easy. As Emerson said ‘Every filled hour is a happy one”. Not sure about the happy but it takes your mind off thhings. Xx

I actually think the reply from your friend was nasty.

I turned 50 in January and 2 years ago, when my sister above me turned 50 (I'm the youngest of 4) after the fancy meal she had, she announced to family, she was no longer buying presents for any of her sisters! (Her birthday is Jan 1st!) She ignored all of ours, got a text, but that's it.

On my 50th, still a text, but I got chocolates off one sister and hand crocheted bedsocks off the other (she in NZ).

No one likes to be ignored if they have friends/family, even a text is better than nothing.

Happy belated birthday.

Happy belated birthday Roobi, I’m sorry your friend didn’t contact you on the day. I can understand how it. made your everyday loneliness was made worse by a friend, I don’t agree with those that say you have unrealistic expectations, but I don’t think your friend is there for you really. Do something for you and if you can afford it book an indulgent spa break or treatment, take yourself off somewhere. You are far from the only one who as we get older have less people in our lives and I sometimes think no one would know if I was here or not, it’s hard but we have to keep trying new things.💐

I am so sorry to read your post, I understand. Sadly it looks like you had issues with, I assume, the same friend, back in Christmas 2022? Forgive me if I am wrong. If it is the same person, maybe, for your own sake, you should reevaluate your friendship …..just for your own peace of mind? Sending you belated birthday wishes x

Some people are tougher than others.
I think in this case the OP was seeking a bit of kindness and support .

When I told ny friend I was disappointed not to hear from her, her response was, “you’re joking! I hope you regret saying that!”

I wonder if there was something going on with your friend that she thought you were aware of? Maybe have forgotten about? It seems a strange response.

Belated Happy Birthday

💐Very belated Happy 60th Birthday Roobi 💐

But the OP hasn't gone wrong? She has been ignored and feels sad.

No I am not remotely unfeeling, but sometimes I say things people do not want to hear. I never do it until there have been plenty of people posting before me had been kind and sympathetic.

If I am in trouble or unhappy because of something I have contributed to, and I do not realise it, then I do not want lots of murmurs of sympathy I want someone to tell me where I have gone wrong so that I can consider the issue and act on it.

Why would anyone not want the same?

Are you always this unfeeling M0nica? The poster needs a bit of TLC. Loneliness and rejection can be very upsetting, especially if you are on your own.

Roobi

Thanks,Welbeck - I haven’t been ‘under the weather’ and I have diverse interests. What possesses people on here to think they have this superior insight into others” lives? Groan.

You said you had been ill for 18 months. Presumably that is why "under the weather" was referred to ...and in a kind way!

Saying something in a straight forward manner, which someone does not want hear, but is based on what they have posted is not unkind or nasty. It is exactly what it is: something the OP may not want to hear.

It is equally false to wrap someone in sympathy and care, when actually you think they are a fool. We are all adults on GN, we have many years experience of life and should by now be capable of taking the rough with the smooth. As thing are, we will soon have to type trigger warnings at the start of each post.

It is not what you say, but th way that you say it.