What’s the matter with people ?

A reverse story. Some months ago a friend lent me a cookery book. I had no tasked to borrow it but I had asked for a recipe in it. I copied out the recipe and went to give the book back. She had gone away for three months. I put the book carefully in my knitting bag to give her next time I saw her at craft club. We had a water leak at home, my bag was on the floor and the book was saturated. I dried it out, I pressed it between some heavy weights to get the crinkles out. I ironed it page by page. No use. It was damaged. So I went to buy her a new one. It was out of print. DH and I scoured the internet and finally traced one exactly the same. It was expensive. I gave it to her last week with a great sigh of relief. And an apology and explanation. I shall not borrow a book again ...

I no longer loan things that I care about getting back.

When I borrow or lend someone a book I put a post-it note inside the title page.. return to...
And put a note in my diary for a month hence!
This means I dont forget to remind me or them!

A few years ago I lent a hedge trimmer to our next door neighbour. She gave it to her teenage son (about 14) to cut their hedge, who in turn let his little brother ( about 9 ) "have a go". It was handed back to me with the wire completely severed! They had also removed the RCD which was attached to the plug when I lent it. She seemed to have no idea how dangerous it had been to give it to them to use unsupervised. I have never lent her anything else since.

My mum had a saying Never be a borrower or a lender. I've mostly taken that advice but once loaned my new vacuum cleaner to a neighbour who said hers was broken.
She returned it and as she got to the end of my path said "by the way it's broken" and ran off.
Served me right for not following mum's instructions.

I have noticed this behaviour quite often over the years - if it isn’t theirs and they haven’t paid for it - easy come easy go . My good nurse friend replaced a particular book at least two times as people returned . I thought it would be nice to loan a very helpful book to new starters on my unit then they give it back after a while so I could loan it to the next new starter - of course it only got as far as no 1 who lost it !

years ago I lent a friend my Beatles LP. PLEASE PLEASE ME, Signed by Paul Mc Cartney. As a teenager I had called at his house. His Dad said Paul was away on tour but if I left the LP. He would get it signed. Which he did. It’s now worth a few thousand I believe
When I asked my friend if I could have it back. She said. I dont remember borrowing it. It’s not in my house !!!! And I never saw it again

i guess if you are going to lend out books, you should get the borrower to sign a loans book with return date specified.
bit like some of the private libraries i used to use.
don't think there was any abuse of the system, but it was carefully controlled re membership, references etc.
a long time ago, but people seemed to appreciate the trust placed in them, and lived up to it.

I am willing and happy to give what I am able to offer to people, but lending things are different, Especially my precious books. All my books are loved and looked after, no bent corners or marks, unless they were bought from a charity shop with marks already on them. I rarely lend them but if I do I make it very clear about the rules. I write the book and the name of the person I have lent it to in a book, and make sure they see me doing it. I give a deadline so might say I only need it back in 3 weeks time or some such, and will also say if you havent finished it just let me know and if I can I will let you keep it for a bit longer, or alternatively I will say I need it back but that they can borrow it at a later time. Woe betide anyone who I have to ask for my book back. It will be the first and last book they borrow from me. Indeed there were 2 particular people that I met who wanted someone to lend them a specific book. I had the book but did not offer it to them as I distrusted the way they treated all objects and were untrustworthy in my view. Was rather proved correct when another person lent the person the book, who later denied she had it. I was quick to say that I had seen her lend it to that person and she should look a bit harder or buy the person a new copy!!

Years ago I lent a friend my folder full of notes and essays I made for my equine studies it was a good 2 years worth of hard work. I asked for it back she said vaguely shed lent it to some else !! I asked a few more times then she just decided to ignore me. I’d never treat someone’s hard work and studies like this I was fuming and obviously I’ve never forgotten it.

i recently saw a kind of outdoor cupboard with glass fronted doors and a quaint little roof, attached to the exterior of a catholic church.
i assumed it contained religious tracts.
but no, it was part of a free library movement.
people can take and return at will and donate too.
good idea.
i'd heard of them in disused telephone boxes but never seen anything like it round here in the burbs.
some people used to leave books on park benches or bus seats, to be read and re-circulated.
i like the communality and anonymity of it.

This is excellent! Had to laugh!

I may sound mean but I never lend anything I value, and I NEVER lend a book, unless I don't much like it!

i had the reverse situation once.
an acquaintance pressed me to read a book, self-published by someone whom she knew.
it was an outlandish claim to be the the son of the last tsarevich and princess marina.
of course, the tsarevich was murdered as a child.
she fully believed all this, as did the author, perhaps.
she wanted to leave him her estate.
she insisted i read the book so i too would be convinced of his credentials and ancestry.
i was not convinced.
as it was a special book to her, i kept it in a neatly folded paper bag and handled it v carefully.
i returned it to her during a garden fete.
now i wonder if she put it down somewhere and forgot.
some time later she asked for it back.
i reminded her that i had already returned it, and it might still be in the paper bag.
she denied all knowledge of having been given it.

I wouldn't say I am particularly house proud but I do like to keep my books nice and clean.

I once lent a book to someone before I had read it myself.
A few months later and after numerous reminders, they finally returned it.

It looked as though she had eaten a four course meal while reading it. There were food stains, biscuit crumbs on nearly every page and even a squashed insect on one page.

Horror of horrors, some of the corners of the pages had been
folded over. The bookmark that came with the book had
been lost of course.

The person I lent the book to not only did not apologise but also seemed a bit miffed that I wanted it back even though I had made it very clear that I was lending a book that I hadn't read. Never again.

My worst experience of lending out was when a friend asked to borrow my printer as her son had the same one so she knew how to use it but his was in for repair. I agreed but stated I would need it back for the following week. It was left on my doorstep a month later with a note saying she was moving back to Dorset. When I looked at the printer, I realised it was not mine as it was an older model. Clearly she had swapped and left me with a broken printer! Some friend! Lesson learnt.

I loaned a book to someone, I asked for its return only to be told they had given it to the charity shop, I was fuming it was a rare first edition, they offered to buy me a replacement, ha, blooming ha.

Too true.

Since someone borrowed a treasured book from my daughter, then denied having it; since my now ex sil borrowed my maternity clothes and,when I asked for them back as I needed them, to be told she had sold them, I now write down on the calendar when anything is borrowed and by whom, making sure they see it being put down in black and white. If I really don't trust them I get them to write it on my calendar. I once held a tupperware party. One of the ladies had borrowed my bicycle child seat for a holiday, at time of party, she still hadn't returned it, so when her order arrived I held onto it. She kept asking for it and I gave same answer as she had done with the cycle seat - I'll drop it off later. Eventually, she asked a mutual friend why I hadn't given her the tupperware to be told she still had my cycle seat. Got the seat back next day with apologies and a laugh at how I had held her order to ransome.
Good luck at getting everything back.

I think we see a pattern here, don't we? A neighbour of mine asked if I had a ladder he could borrow. The ladder wasn't brand new but in perfect condition because my husband always looked after his tools and equipment. A few days later the ladder was returned. It was covered in paint. How can people think that's acceptable?

if you want to lose a friend lend them money! the number of times i have literally begged for my items to be returned is too many.The last was from the church warden from a local church, took him 6 months to return a book on theology , came back with kids scribbles in it, not a sorry in sight .i was lost for words, as saying something would have been wasted. never again....

We have someone along our road I call ' The Borrower's '! As we struggled to get our things back, I've told my other half NOT to lend again! We only saw them when they wanted something, so NO more, people should respect and return other people's possessions.

My dad always said don’t bother don’t lend and you won’t get in a mess. I’m pretty good at saying no but when I first moved in here next door neighbor had received some flowers she just came out of hospital so I didn’t like to say no lol she then got rushed back into hospital and she never came home when kids were packing up her bungalow I didn’t have heart to say sorry for your loss can I have my vase back lol so I went out to buy a new vase.

Contrast the enthusiasm with which borrowers ask for a loan of an item with the lack of same when you request the item be returned!

An ex-colleague asked to borrow my book of children's poetry as there was a poem in it that she wanted her class to learn.

When I asked for it back, she denied all knowledge of it. However, we were good friends and I let it go.

A few months later we were down for dinner at her house, and I spied the book on her bookshelf in the dining-room; I am afraid between courses I whipped it off the shelf and hid it in my handbag! I checked first, and there was my name inside it...
I don't think she ever noticed and I heard nothing else about it.