What’s the matter with people ?

Not exactly borrowing but I needed a gold chain repaired and a battery put in a 'special' watch. Granddaughter offered to take it to the jewellers and collect it, despite saying I would do it myself. Well over 18 months later I am still waiting to be reunited with both items!! Apparently they are locked in the glove compartment of her 'old car' and she has lost the key!! An expensive 'favour'!!

I lent my electric hedge cutter to a friend….the better of the two I own…told her to hold onto it as I had another….the other one is getting past it now so I was thinking of asking for my good one back…before I could she asked if she could borrow a hedge cutter….err you’ve got mine…no I gave it back …no you didn’t…oh I’ll check….no sign of it so I lent the old one…made damn sure I got it back! This year I’ve been asked for it again! I wish she’d buy her own…and if I’d lost something someone had lent me I’d be mortified and buy them a new one! Especially as they are not that expensive…..I expect I’ll have to get a new one soon..but I’ll keep lending the blunt one! Wish I’d done that originally!

I stopped lending people things years ago, after repeated disappoints. Either I had to ask dozens of times before the borrowed item was returned, or I met with a blank stare, and " I never borrowed that from you" or I had something returned damaged.

If I give someone something, it is theirs and what they do with it is up to them. So if it is lying around rusting, or has been given to someone else, that is no business of mine.

Like you, I sometimes wonder why people buy things and don't take care of them, but if they bought these things for their own money, then it really is not my business.

It is not a new phenomenon. My parents left gardening tools outside to rust or otherwise decay in my childhood. Strangely enough, if my sister or I left our things outside we were treated to the "money doesn't grow on trees " lecture.

I frequently lend my children items. My elder girl returns them quickly in excellent condition; my younger daughter breaks or loses them then goes and buys one of her own while I am without! Latest is a broken carpet washer sitting in my cupboard; I will have to see if it can be easily repaired. Her new one is in HER cupboard. I DO hope my son doesn’t lose the ancient book I lent him-sentimental attachment! I will learn my lesson one day!

When I was splitting up from my ex husband a frien lent me two helpful books. I kept meaning to return them but kept forgetting. Since then I lent her something that she needed while living in a rental while her house was being repaired due to smoke damage after her next door neighbour had a fire. I never got my items back I no longer see that friend as our social circles have changed and I'm sure neither of us intended to keep each other's belongings but at least we're even!

Several times years ago I lent people money,I couldn’t afford,I never got one back & was scared to ask,next I eventually asked for it & the person was never in touch again,lesson learned.
Painfully.

There's no need to borrow for a once in a lifetime/annual occasion. There are hire shops which charge reasonable rates for items. I have never borrowed, as, knowing my luck, something would go wrong with it while I used it. At my age now don't own anything anyone would want to borrow.

We lent our niece our large tent some years ago to complete her Duke of Edinburgh Award.

It was returned literally covered in large black permanent ink markings to show what poles went together and where.
No "is it ok to do this?" or on return " this is what we've done".

Yes the tent was obviously still usable, not damaged, but graffitied! It did irk me!

Calendargirl

I lent a friend a School Friend annual when I was about 8 years old.

The front cover was missing, can’t remember how, but it was still perfectly readable.

After several weeks, I asked for it back. After shilly-shallying about, she said her mother had put it in the dustbin as it was damaged!

I was appalled! My own mum would never have outed one of my precious books without checking with me first.

The friend couldn’t see why I was cross.

Lesson learned.

Sadly tho some Boys annuals can be valuable, Girls Annuals of the School Friend variety are not ( particularly with the cover missing! ) and you should be able to find a cheap…and better… copy online. I’ve been a s/h bookseller for over 45 years! As a child I loved them too ( I’m 78) but no current appeal except for nostalgia I’m afraid. I have loads here but they will have to be thrown out at some point too cheap to sell and Charity shops don’t seem to want them either!
I realise that is not the point, it was a book you loved, but I’m sure you could find one, buy it then pointedly say you had to buy a “replacement that cost £ xx “ ??? See if she offers you the cost? Try the link below = ( they start at 0.78p )
www.abebooks.co.uk/servlet/SearchResults?bi=h&bx=off&cm_sp=SearchF-_-Advs-_-Result&ds=30&kn=Annual&prc=GBP&recentlyadded=all&rgn=ww&rollup=off&sortbyp=17&tn=School%20friend&xdesc=on&xpod=off

I lent my son in law a pressure washer a few years ago, he broke it beyond repair, but no offer to replace. I bought a new one & a few years later my partner lent him that one. When I asked for it back, he assured me he'd returned it. I eventually bought a 3rd one, but my SIL cleared out a garage he rented for storage & found it. He'd also bought one of his own at last, but I'll keep the old one for when he breaks his. I wouldn't mind, but he's a carpenter & treats his tools & equipment really carefully & never lends them out!

Many years ago when my side and I were teens, she had a bad habit of 'borrowing' my things without asking.
It drove me mad, but the final straw can't when she 'lent' a pile of my books to her friend (and eventually told her she could keep them all, even though they weren't hers to give!), who saw the value in a first edition, French copy of Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, that had been left to me by my French aunt after she'd passed away.
My sis's friend denied all knowledge of the book, but I knew it was in the box shed been 'given'.

Always had bad experience of lending anything
Lent one friend £6 she never paid me back. Several years later lent her £82 for something she wanted to buy. Never got it back. Knocked on my door asking to borrow money as her electric was being cut off. I said No chance. She left crying
Also I bought a new food processor. Only used it once and BILs sister asked to borrow it. I eventually got it back after nearly a year, badly damaged with the blade broken in half. Never lent anything else since.

Not any more I think we all learn the hard way.

I remember once lending a rather nice burgundy velour top to my flat mate back in the 70's. It was brand new and very en vogue at the time. Having returned from her evening out, she shut my top half in and half out of a drawer leaving a permanent mark all down the front. I also loaned a book of Wilfred Owen poems to a long standing work colleague. After almost a year I asked for it back but she denied all knowledge. Not that I'm bitter!

I have learnt the hard way to only loan things out if I don’t care whether I get them back or not. So many books, so many movies. Now that’s it- the old adage was right.
Neither a lender nor a Borrower be

Thanks suelld

I haven’t seen this ‘friend’ for 60 odd years, so we are no longer bosom buddies!

No, I realise old annuals, particularly used ones, are worthless, but it was the principle that got to me, how her mother could just chuck out a book without asking her about it.

( I had bought it with a 10 shilling book token, it cost 8/6, old money, which was a lot to me).

Never forgave her.

(I know you shouldn’t bear grudges….)

We have leant over the years but have had things come back worse for wear and when asked about the condition it came back in was told it was like that when borrowed . Was furious we take care of everything we buy. And have learnt our lesson. We never lend now and haven’t done for several years. I’ve leant out books galore and never got back to dif friends. I’m no longer a mug .

Bigmamma-😂😂😂

Calendargirl

I lent a friend a School Friend annual when I was about 8 years old.

The front cover was missing, can’t remember how, but it was still perfectly readable.

After several weeks, I asked for it back. After shilly-shallying about, she said her mother had put it in the dustbin as it was damaged!

I was appalled! My own mum would never have outed one of my precious books without checking with me first.

The friend couldn’t see why I was cross.

Lesson learned.

School Friend. That takes me back. Every Christmas morning I was given one of these. I was a good reader so it kept me quiet while everyone else was rushing around preparing the Christmas dinner. I also liked Topper but my Mum thought School Friend a cut above that comic.

Sarnia

My main Christmas present each year was a Bunty annual 7/6 old money.

I have all of them in the loft still, extremely well read, yellowed pages, loose spines….

But I only have to turn the pages and I am transported back to those halcyon, carefree days.

And the stories and characters are so vivid in my mind still.

They will probably remain in the loft, to be chucked in a skip after my demise by my unsentimental offspring!

I leant a book to a colleague - that was never returned despite several requests. I was also asked to buy a book on her behalf and I did so but then told she no loner wanted it. thankfully work reimbursed me
Some people are just rude

welbeck

i recently saw a kind of outdoor cupboard with glass fronted doors and a quaint little roof, attached to the exterior of a catholic church.
i assumed it contained religious tracts.
but no, it was part of a free library movement.
people can take and return at will and donate too.
good idea.
i'd heard of them in disused telephone boxes but never seen anything like it round here in the burbs.
some people used to leave books on park benches or bus seats, to be read and re-circulated.
i like the communality and anonymity of it.

We have several little libraries in our town. They are great. I have found new authors to read that way.

My husband always used to let neighbours/family borrow tools. After having his expensive drill returned burnt out & not offering to replace it, and a cutter with diamond blade returned with blade worn away completely (not offering to buy a new one), he now tells them its either broken or someone else has borrowed it.
Hard lesson learned!

mabon1

I loaned a book to someone, I asked for its return only to be told they had given it to the charity shop, I was fuming it was a rare first edition, they offered to buy me a replacement, ha, blooming ha.

mabon1
Omg that is unbelievable !

To add to my OP recently re loaned items - I am still awaiting the return of these loaned on the day of a house move ( not my own btw)
Items being .Dust Pan, broom , vacuum cleaner .
Dh was looking for Dust pan , I messaged person they were loaned to saying just (insert Dh name ) ‘ ****. Has asked where the dustpan is ?
The response I got was ‘“ I’ve brought a new one now “
So , around 10 days had passed ,new items purchased & yet I am still awaiting return of my old but used daily items .
No mention of bringing them back either !
Am I exasperated, just a bit .