What’s the matter with people ?

My partner is a very generous person.
My problem wasn’t giving/ lending stuff but lending money.
People didn’t have to ask. If someone mentioned they were in trouble he would offer them the money.
I’m not talking small amounts.
The last time was the last straw when I said: no more!!!
He has stuck to that 🙂

GrannyIvy
Thats the thing isn't it , you would expect family to be more courteous . Or maybe my expectations are too high , but f you borrow something return it !

Any tools etc that travel to my DD1 and son in law never make their way back all knowledge of ever having it disappears…..
I share a love of books with a close friend who lives four hours away but any books she has borrowed she then lends on to local friends and they never come back so no more unless I am giving it keep it!

Neither a borrower or a lender is the best plan

I've lent things over the years and always got them back! Maybe I'm just lucky. My neighbours have never asked to borrow anything and neither have I. I can't remember the last time I borrowed anything. My daughter pinches my KitchenAid from time to time, but I always get it back.

After years of 'lending' things that were never returned - some expensive, some relatively cheap but equally annoying - I have stopped lending completely. I recently purchased a new sewing machine to replace my old faithful, and quite worn-out model but I have kept the old one to allow 'borrowers' to use in my sewing room.........even that one is not leaving the house!
I have waited fourteen years for the return of a hand-held vacuum and three years for a pair of very expensive dressmaking shears to be returned...........still waiting

Why ‘lend’ people compost and suchlike? Don’t you (or your DH) be such a pushover.

Say “Sorry, I need to get some next time I go to the garden centre. Tell you what, perhaps you could pick up a couple of bags for me if you go? I think you owe me some from the last time I ‘lent’ you some”.

See what they say.

I helped a neighbour out by giving her a few bushes I had grown and pots of herbs. Her new landscaped garden was bare of greenery I even planted them for her. I was asked if she could borrow my leaf rake and spade I didn’t get it back because she moved! Gone are the days when I was too helpful I give up being generous.

Beckett am still bitter about a favourite book I lent about 15 years ago. The borrower claimed to have no knowledge of it when I saw him a year or so later.

If he had lost it, I'd have forgiven and forgotten probably. It was the outright lie!

If I have not returned something you lent me, please remind me because these days I have likely forgotten. 😂🤣

Many year ago I loaned my the SIL my new sewing machine , it was the first one I had owned .
When I finally got it back, it was broken , no offer to have it repaired or pay for repair .

Growing up I was an avid reader but money was tight and we owned very few books. Like Kircubbin I loaned a treasured book to a friend ,after several weeks I asked for it back - she said she was unable to give it back as she had lost it!! That was 60 years ago and it still rankles with me!

My DH was a gardener and was always had people asking for loans of his tools. For example, a chain saw. It was returned but the chain saw blades needed re-sharpening - which costs money. He lent a jet spray which the borrower broke completely. The borrow returned it saying, 'Sorry, I broke it'. No offer to replace it or anything!!!

DH is always being asked for small things like compost, various garden spray products. He is very generous and always provides them. I don't know if I am being mean and unreasonable but I would never ask someone for something that was relatively cheap and that I could afford myself. We end up with none of our stuff left and I have to go out to buy more to replace what he has lent out.

As for me, I would never lend books out. I would rather give them away. I look after my books and they are in perfect condition after I have read them. I may be a bit weird about this . I would rather give a book away than get it back dog eared and tatty.

I loaned an expensive magazine to someone and asked if I could have it back sometime because there was an article I wanted to show to another friend. When I asked for it she said she’d already given it back. I said she hadn’t and reminded her that she’d asked if she could lend it to her friend before she gave it back. She denied all knowledge of that and insisted she’d given it back. At that point I said there were more important things in life and to forget it. She hasn’t spoken to me since 🤣🤣. Her pride was hurt because I was questioning her organised lifestyle. I still find it hard to say no when someone asks to borrow something and DH is even worse.

I no longer lend tools to anyone except my sons and tbf its usually to do a job for me. I got so fed up getting them back broken. I wouldn't have the cheek to return tools with bits missing or broken off.

Here's a link to the Edinburgh tool library but there are plenty all over the country

edinburghtoollibrary.org.uk

‘If his brains were dynamite they wouldn’t blow his hat off’
Priceless BigMamma, haven’t heard that one before but will certainly use it at the next opportunity.

Retirement flats, but I’m sure you got the gist.

What a great idea Grammaretto.
How does it work? Do people pay a deposit until it’s returned? Are they fined for late return? Are they charged for loss or damage?
Genuinely interested in setting up similar in our development of retire flats or even beyond.

I borrowed a lawnmower when mine was broken. One of my volunteer Helpers used it and mowed over the lead! He spent the next day repairing it with electrical tape but I couldn't return it in that condition so bought my friend a new mower.

Unfortunately her old mower was too small for my lawn so I gave that away.

I now have a newish battery mower which broke down just before a recent garden party. A friend managed to repair it but then I was reminded our town has a tool library.

It's such a brilliant invention.
I recommend every town should have one.
It has tools, power tools, extension leads, mowers and lots of things you probably don't need all the time but in emergencies it's great.

No, I don`t lend anything, not any more. I either give it or I keep it. Thankfully, neighbours never ask

It only takes one precious item and the lesson is learned. Some things I have given have indeed turned into a `state` but I drew the line across as they were no longer mine and I don`t let it get to me

I was of the generation who looked after things, they were hard to come by, took a long time to save for, so I always look after my things, ingrained in me

I lent a friend a School Friend annual when I was about 8 years old.

The front cover was missing, can’t remember how, but it was still perfectly readable.

After several weeks, I asked for it back. After shilly-shallying about, she said her mother had put it in the dustbin as it was damaged!

I was appalled! My own mum would never have outed one of my precious books without checking with me first.

The friend couldn’t see why I was cross.

Lesson learned.

‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’.

People are dreadful at giving things back. Books and DVDs are the worst. Don't expect ever to see that again, it seems an unwritten rule that once you hand it over you are in fact giving it to them.

I wouldn't lend large electrical items because I just couldn't afford to hand them over and I like to look after my things, which most people don't!

Unless you are happy to give the item away it's best to say you don't have it, can't find it, it needs a repair, you are using it, any excuse. Maybe have a few of them up your sleeve for when required. 😉

My next door neighbour is just the same, asks to borrow my can of Bitumen as he has a hole in the guttering. Then asks for a paintbrush. recently he asked to borrow my brand new saw to cut a branch off a tree. I told him I didn't have a saw and now when he asks for anything I just say, sorry I gave it to one of our sons. Why on earth can't he spend his own money and buy the things he needs.

Perhaps he thinks because I am an old (82) lady he can get away with it, but my brain is in tip top condition and I can give him a run for his money. If all his brains were dynamite they would not blow his hat off. He is as thick as pig sh##.

I lent a favourite book to a close friend as I thought she would love it. She soon told me she did not like it after reading one chapter.
When I asked for it back she said she would look for it. Asked again a few weeks later and she said she didn't think she had it but would look.Next time she denied all knowledge of it and said she never had it.Last time I'll lend her anything.