How would you deal with this?

We all have a line we draw in the sand.
I am uber independent and never ask for favours, too independent some may say.
I am 77 but fit and well.
If it was a friend or a good neighbour I would probably have taken her. (Although if it were me I would have booked a taxi!) If it was a regular occurrence with a friend or neighbour and their was never any sort of reciprocal favours, I would pull back a bit.
But when I have made a decision , I dont beat myself up about it.

They re probably takers, I very rarely ask for favours probably almost never, in fact I get accused of being too independent, it’s a fine line isn’t it? but don’t keep procrastinating over it You made the decision and you can’t undo it It really doesn’t matter who is right or who we wrong, it’s done. Put it to bed and move past worrying over it

Not probably I would drag myself up early in an emergency!

I'd probably drag myself up early if it was imperative (an emergency) but otherwise there are options... Indeed she's found one. ..

Fae1 - This is too early for me - Summer or Winter!

Thank goodness I don't drive so I never have that dilemma!

You’re not the bad one! You are obviously thoughtful and sensitive. It would have been fairer if she mentioned the 7am at the beginning of the conversation, as it’s a big ask. You have done all you can in asking if they have sorted out a lift, sending a follow up message etc. Shame your neighbour can’t just say, she understands and no problem etc. Trouble is not everyone is so kind and thoughtful etc. You’ve done your best, be proud that your were assertive enough to say no! Try not to worry.

It's one thing being a good neighbour, it's another when someone takes a loan of you.
I used to volunteer with WRVS. I was very happy to take people to hospital appointments and the elderly for their weekly shopping.
I stopped when someone was not happy with me taking her and her wheelchair round the supermarket. She then expected me to take her into town and push her and her large wheelchair round John Lewis and Marks and Spencer too. What was usually an hour volunteering turned into 4 hours and a very exhausted volunteer. I never did it again.

You should have left things as they were.
You refused and gave a plausible reason and they went on their way.

I wouldn’t dream of troubling my neighbours for lifts.
If family can’t help,us out, then it’s taxis.

Not too early in the summertime surely ! It's not the middle of the night and it was a one off. I would have helped them out I'm afraid. And I don't think it's too much to ask of a neighbour. I've been asked and agreed to do far more for my neighbours and I'm 75! It's Karma and I get repaid in kindnesses of all sorts.

Many people take kindness for a weakness and few people remember, or are grateful. Is it modern life? I don't know. But I now take the attitude that I help if it's going to make ME feel good - because being kind does. If not I make an excuse. There are too many users and if we do not look out for ourselves, then who will?

Nannan2. Sorry yes they do know him he's an ex colleague of her husbands.

Nannan2

Yes i'd get a taxi- maybe she didnt have the money, or want to spare it as she would want to spend it while she was away? If she was being nice herself she would have offered you petrol money to 'persuade' you? I certainly would never dream of asking a neighbour or neighbours relative to get up early to give me a lift- and why accept it from a 'neighbours relative? Does she even know them well enough? Ignore her 'good as gold' snide side remark- she seems like a manipulator.Let her ask the others next time as well.

The three of them work.

I didn't want to bring it up again but maybe some of you did not see my 2nd post on here, which was ...........

OK I'm beginning to sound like the worst neighbour here. I have my other next door neighbour who is in her 80's. (Who lives alone but does have family nearby) I've done the odd shopping for. Painted her small fence. Taken things to the charity shop and two trips to the dump when she emptied her shed. Which I helped with. Did some weeding for etc etc.
If it had been later in the day I would have taken the neighbours that asked too. Although it would have been a bit of a squeeze in my small car. They have a 40 odd year old son that lives with them, that used to drive, he doesn't have a car now. Plus she takes taxis everywhere, when her husband drives. She also has a brother that drives.

I am in the middle of painting my elderly neighbours wall, as we speak. I am just taking a break.

It wasn't about the money it's only about 15 minutes drive away. I wouldn't have taken anything.

It was as I said the time of day for me. I do not function at 6am in the morning.

But they are early risers .............

Yes i'd get a taxi- maybe she didnt have the money, or want to spare it as she would want to spend it while she was away? If she was being nice herself she would have offered you petrol money to 'persuade' you? I certainly would never dream of asking a neighbour or neighbours relative to get up early to give me a lift- and why accept it from a 'neighbours relative? Does she even know them well enough? Ignore her 'good as gold' snide side remark- she seems like a manipulator.Let her ask the others next time as well.

I have a concern about taxi drivers knowing you are away. My father told story of neighbour who forgot his passport and rushed back to house to find the taximan having a cuppa in his kitchen. I would offer to 'mind' a neighbours house and would happily oblige with a lift at a reasonable hour and a short distance. I would expect this to be reciprocated as one does with neighbours. Sorry at my age, or any age really, 7 am is unreasonable.

You did right - you havd to look after yourself first !

atherineca

Thank you everyone for replying to my message.

Which I asked how other people would have dealt with the situation.

I read each and every one of them.

I now have my answers and will move on.

atherineca
Thanks for taking the time to come back and acknowledge the responses.
Hope you’ve stopped feeling guilty by now. There was no need.
Enjoy the summer

op I understand how you were feeling, I can be like that... take it easy...

Baggs is quite right.
They were simply trying to save the taxi fare. It was a very early call an I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to do it at that time.
Push it right to back of your mind and don’t worry about it.

Someone I was friendly with asked me if I would like a day out to Chester, I replied that I would, was then told "Well we'l go in your car".

In the years I was travelling solo to mid eastern destinations all my flights were night flights it would never have occurred to me to ask someone to drive me although I live only 15 minutes from Manchester airport. I inevitably arrived at those destinations at some weird hour of the morning and pre-arranged for the hotel to send a driver. The driver often ended up as my private guide and personal shopper.

Think your neighbour should have thought about travel arrangements before booking holiday, not relying on others. Would be different if their preplanned arrangement had gone askew and they were left in lurch. You have nothing to feel bad about.

Thank you everyone for replying to my message.

Which I asked how other people would have dealt with the situation.

I read each and every one of them.

I now have my answers and will move on.

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