How would you deal with this?

She asked, you said no, she has got someone else to take them.

Yes, I expect she was a bit miffed, and now you feel bad.

Unless you were willing to get up earlier, that’s it really.

She probably won’t ask you again.

You were quite entitled to refuse, but has left it all a bit awkward it seems.

No problem really is there? you made a decision, she accepted, so that’s it done You can’t undo what you ve done so move on

No you are not bad at all. I would never dream of even asking my daughter to take early morning to catch a train. As that's how I travel for holiday or visiting relatives. I definitely would never ask a neighbour as good as they are. I book a taxi for the time I want a week before plus I have mobility problems and need my legs putting into a car.

I hope your neighbour gives the person taking them petrol money. Or don't they do that sort of thing?

Just forget about it . Out the goodness of your heart you have helped out before. Some people are users and some givers. You are a giver your neighbour a user . I expect your neighbour will ask the person taking them to fetch them when they return . Why can't they just have a taxi.

It's in the past now so forget they even asked. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

At least she's speaking to you- I think she'll get over it.

You can't change it and she is sorted now with
a relative of another neighbour
doing it.

I don't think I'd want to ask a relative of a neighbour to drive me to the airport at 7am!

Well I ve had a neighbour of my daughter not a person really in my life, not only drive me to the airport, but let me stay in her spare room ready for an early morning start
It depends how much you want to help someone on the odd occasion, you made your decision and nothing you can do to change it, so move on now, no point at all in wondering whether you upset her for good or not, it’s done you can’t undo it

I stopped being Mrs. Nice Guy after my husband died. He and I were always helping someone out, the 'can we borrow this and can we borrow that' neighbour, and 'can you help me with this' aquaintance. After my husband died they all said, give me a call if ever you need something. We were never the kind of people to ask for help doing it on our own but the first time I asked a neighbour for help was when I asked them if their son, who was an electrician could hang a light for me (I was willing to pay of course), straight away they said no, he was a busy man and that was it. I then asked another neighbour and they also said no, even though I knew they had just had some new lights fitted outside their house.

I honestly think they were afraid of helping in case I kept asking for help. In the end, I got all my own workmen, plumbers, electricians, joiners, gardeners, when I decided to have my home modernised and lo and behold,when my friends and neighbours wanted jobs doing who did they ask for recommendations, me.

I will never, ever help anyone again, in the past 10 years since my husband died, not one person has brought back my Wheelie bins even when they have to walk past my house to bring theirs back. I always used to take theirs back for them but have now stopped.

Take my advice, if asked for help say no as you will become someones free labour. This has become an every man for himself world.

I apologise if you are or know someone who is a kind person but I have yet to find one.

I suppose it depends on how well you know them BlueBelle. I was surprised, I suppose as this was obviously not their first choice and was a "relative" of a neighbour - not a daughter or son. The "good as gold" comment sounded rather manipulative too!

My parents had neighbours that they did all sorts of things for (and vice-versa) so I suppose it does depend on circumstances.
We have taken neighbours to hospital - though I wouldn't normally ask a relative to do it to be honest.

BigMamma

I stopped being Mrs. Nice Guy after my husband died. He and I were always helping someone out, the 'can we borrow this and can we borrow that' neighbour, and 'can you help me with this' aquaintance. After my husband died they all said, give me a call if ever you need something. We were never the kind of people to ask for help doing it on our own but the first time I asked a neighbour for help was when I asked them if their son, who was an electrician could hang a light for me (I was willing to pay of course), straight away they said no, he was a busy man and that was it. I then asked another neighbour and they also said no, even though I knew they had just had some new lights fitted outside their house.

I honestly think they were afraid of helping in case I kept asking for help. In the end, I got all my own workmen, plumbers, electricians, joiners, gardeners, when I decided to have my home modernised and lo and behold,when my friends and neighbours wanted jobs doing who did they ask for recommendations, me.

I will never, ever help anyone again, in the past 10 years since my husband died, not one person has brought back my Wheelie bins even when they have to walk past my house to bring theirs back. I always used to take theirs back for them but have now stopped.

Take my advice, if asked for help say no as you will become someones free labour. This has become an every man for himself world.

I apologise if you are or know someone who is a kind person but I have yet to find one.

Omg , How awful , so people not realise that it takes a lot to even ‘ ask’ for help ? You were grieving & kindness should have been in the forefront of minds .
I honestly think that’s how my neighbours would be as despite living I. The same street ( on & off ) for 30 years it has changed so much that there is no such thing as knowing your neighbours anymore 😢

Although I have been good friends with my neighbours for over thirty years and next door are DS1's in laws, I would never dream of asking them for a lift, except in an emergency.

We get a taxi or leave a car near the station.

Someone asked you whether you could do something for them. You said no because it would be really inconvenient for you.

I cannot see what the problem is, we are all making those kinds of decisions all our lives. we say yes to some requests for help and no to others dependent on a huge range of factors.

I frequently shop for a friend. I said 'no' this week because we are going away. If someone takes umbrage at your decision that is their problem not yours.

My DH has been in a care home for two years now and before he/we used to do so much for our neighbours/village.

Now nobody bothers to even ask after him or check that I am OK. I feel so upset by this I am comtemplating moving.

I will not be offering help to anyone anymore which is not me at all, but if you can't beat them.....

OK I'm beginning to sound like the worst neighbour here. I have my other next door neighbour who is in her 80's. (Who lives alone but does have family nearby) I've done the odd shopping for. Painted her small fence. Taken things to the charity shop and two trips to the dump when she emptied her shed. Which I helped with. Did some weeding for etc etc.
If it had been later in the day I would have taken the neighbours that asked too. Although it would have been a bit of a squeeze in my small car. They have a 40 odd year old son that lives with them, that used to drive, he doesn't have a car now. Plus she takes taxis everywhere, when her husband drives. She also has a brother that drives.
I know I can't change things but as I said why am I made to feel the bad person here, for just saying no.

Marydoll

Although I have been good friends with my neighbours for over thirty years and next door are DS1's in laws, I would never dream of asking them for a lift, except in an emergency.

We get a taxi or leave a car near the station.

This is exactly what I do Marydoll.
I get a taxi or leave my car near the station.

You feel bad atherineca because you normally help.

It is really you who are making yourself feel bad!
Try not to dwell on it now. .
She is sorted and it's over.

Wish her a lovely trip and try to put your guilty feelings aside.

BigMamma & FindingNemo15. How awful for you both to be treated that way 😞

I would deal with it by doing my utmost to put it out of my mind (i.e. to stop guilt-tripping myself) while continuing to be civil to the person who asked for the favour.

That's all you can do. Good luck.

We wouldn't ask a neighbour for a lift to catch the coach either although everyone is very kind and helpful here. We've always ordered a taxi and there are usually taxis waiting at the local bus station when we return.

Our younger neighbours will bring our big wheelie bin back as far as the side garden if they are passing, BigMamma, yours sound very unhelpful.

They have a 40 odd year old son that lives with them, that used to drive, he doesn't have a car now

But they do?
Perhaps he's been banned from driving.
Oh dear, did I really say that? 🤐

Don't get yourself in a tizz over it, they were rather cheeky to ask.

The only person making you feel a bad person atherineca is you. Deal with that, perhaps get counselling to understand why you do it.

But you are the one who decide whether you feel a bad person or not, what other people think about you is neither here nor there.

Look at the way when you offer us one example of why you are seen as a bad person and we say that is rubbish, you then dig up another example of you being a bad person.

Why do you want to prove you are aa bad person. That is what you need to spend your time thinking about.

In fact I suspect that probably none of them think of you as a bad person, you are just projecting that feeling on them in order to justify thinking it your self.

I don’t think the OP needs counselling MOnica.

We’ve all been there, done or said something to another person, then suffered agonies thinking and worrying about it, have I offended them, was it my fault, should I have done things differently?

In this case, you can’t alter things. The neighbour found a solution.

Carry on being civil and friendly, if she is a bit huffy in the future, well, so be it.

It’s done, and that’s it.

No doubt she won’t be asking you for a lift again.

They should have booked a taxi! Don't feel bad about it.

In my experience, people pleasers find it hard to both say, and hear, ‘No’, and they assume that’s true for everyone.

Honestly, OP, that’s not true. For many (most?) people, ‘No’ is just an acceptable response to a request, and we don’t take it personally, get upset or offended by it.

It’s quite possible that your neighbour’s comment was not ‘a dig’ but a simple observation. And if she is a person who can’t deal with being told no, that’s her problem, not yours.

I willingly did a lot to help a neighbour after she had come out of hospital. I'm older than her, I live alone and have a number of very difficult health problems but I was happy to help for nearly a month, running errands for her every day, including finding a birthday card with an elephant on it for her friend who loves elephants. That took a few hours!

A couple of years later, when I was completely laid low by heavy duty 'flu, I rang her to ask her if she could get some bits and pieces of essential food in for me (in the days before supermarket deliveries were common). She said she could get it the following week! Meanwhile I had nothing to eat!

I will never offer to help her again.

I’m with you OP - I will give anyone a lift, provided it’s after 9am. All my family and friends know that I only come to life after 9am. So no calls or text messages, unless ofcourse , it’s an emergency.
So don’t worry about it. If she’s having a ‘pout’, let her carry on