Advice on MiL and new baby

Stand up to this woman for yours and the baby’s sake your husband needs to step upto the mark and get her told. How dare she try to spoon feed your child. If you are not able to talk with her face to face send her a letter explaining that her behaviours are out of order and that you will stop her having contact with your child if it continues. I know this sounds harsh but this is your baby and your family life she is interfering with. Constantly bringing up your husbands ex is mean. It may cause a big rift but so be it she is out of order. I am a grandmother of 4 I love them all dearly but took my daughter and daughter in laws views on parenting so that I could help them. Be strong I had my husbands aunt behaving like this years ago and ended up avoiding her eventually and going no contact she made my life miserable.

How can you be expected to put up with her ridiculous behaviour? Your husband needs to ban her until she comes to her senses and stops behaving in such a propriotal manner around your baby. You are the most important person in your child's life, she isn't. I know what they'd say on MN. Don't let her in!

Your original question was about reassuring your mother-in-law...

trying to figure out how best to reassure MiL in order to try and get her to stop trying to run off with the baby.

What do you think she needs reassurance about? That she will be important in the little ones life? You can try telling her "when he's older" (unspecified) I think he will enjoy xyz with you but at the moment I feel I want to abc.

She cannot see in your head and only you know how you feel.

Don't give her the opportunity to "fact" things which leaves space for another opinion so, for example, I'd she says you "need a break from patenting" - "well, at the moment I feel happy to be parenting full time".
I feel he needs me now.
I feel that I need him back now

If she challenges your feelings with "why do you feel that," you can just say that you have no idea and then repeat it.

If she fact checks with or "I read that..." about say, weaning, holding etc you can still say "yes, that's interesting but I feel that ... feels best to me".

Your feelings as a mum are genuine and need to be trusted.

I feel that this is the right way at the moment.

Maybe you are trying too hard here.
As someone said above, she has done parenting her way and now it's your turn.

Has she "let go" of your husband I wonder? Or maybe she's always been a bit like this in your life?

Also, you are breastfeeding so baby really only needs you. This is simply the truth. If you are kind enough to share your baby with anyone else should be your choice.

I was pretty "mean" with people around my babies when they were tiny and hated passing them about.
You are already more generous than I was (not that one way is the "right" way)! Like Tuaim I would have been pretty snappy with anyone not listening to "no".
No thank you
No I'm fine
No I'd rather...
No. Not yet.

Good luck.

A 4 month old baby is tiny. She’s being ridiculous, of course you are the most important person in its life! Sadly I think she’s sending that she can bully you and your husband needs to put her firmly straight on this.

Hithere

Where does your husband stand?

Good question.

How does your DH feel? He should be backing you up and it is his place to have a talk with his mother. If she gets upset then tough!

She is being completely out of order and has no right to bully you. I’m sure you are a lovely mum, but you must both set boundaries

P.S. Forgot to say, you sound like a very nice young lady to even consider this. I had teeth even in my 30s!

You are a new mum. It is your baby and still very young at 4 months. Your MIL has had her family. It is now your turn to be a mum and hers to be a grandmother. Set your boundaries firmly but politely and stick to them. I would be using the phrases: We are fine, I am fine. We can manage this. I'll let you know if....etc The problem is if you let something become a habit, it will be a lot harder to break down the line. Please be strong, stand up for yourself and your baby and forge a life for your little family. Don't allow yourself to be railroaded by other dominating people. This is your life and the time with your children is so short. Enjoy and make it yours. All the best.

Thank you for sharing your daughter’s experience, and I’m sorry she went through it!
Yes it feels like she’s trying for a rerun to be honest - lots of the comments she makes start with “when DH was a baby…”. When she asserts that she’s going to look after the baby, she always refers to things she did with DH as a baby - e.g. she’ll talk to our son and say “I’m going to take you to x,y,z like I did with DH, and we’ll do x,y,z just like I did with him”.
I’m relieved to hear that your daughter’s MiL got over this eventually - how old were the children when she eventually stopped doing this? It’s quite exhausting!

Is this her first grandchild ? It reminds me very much of when my daughter’s mother in law was like this with our grandson. He was her first grandchild. It was stressful for my daughter . Now all the kids are much older and it doesn’t happen,thank goodness. I think she was reliving her time as a mother in retrospect, she even bought herself a pram and had a room set aside for him. We thought it was awful, my daughter used to confide in us and let off steam.

My stomach tightened while reading this. My mil was a pain in the neck and caused a lot of stress for me. She didn't do that with my baby but she would give unasked for advice and make nasty remarks about how I was raising our kids and what a bad housekeeper I was. My husband didn't want to get involved and thought I should just laugh it off. Going to a marriage counselor finally got him to stand up to her.

Red flags, so many red flags, if semaphore flags were red they would spell out "Run for the hills"

I think your husband should be your gatekeeper here - it is his mum and she is totally wrong. Don't be bullied. You have been kind and generous so now is the time to be strong if you want to control your own life here.

This is your baby and you need to stand together as a family.
I do hope your husband can step up here and be useful.

Good luck.

Where does your husband stand?

Sorry you're going through this. Stick to your guns. Your MIL is totally out of line. There's no reason for MIL to be alone with your baby unless you choose to ask her to babysit, and to refuse to hand your baby back to you when you ask, along with the other issues you've mentioned, is totally unacceptable. You are the most important person in your baby's life atm regardless of what she would like to think. Sorry I have no advice on how to handle this ridiculous behaviour but I hope your DH supports you in this and that things improve soon.