Worries about future for my kids...

There are no guarantees. Our children have their own lives and live them in their own ways.

That’s not to say that we shouldn’t hope for what we’d like, but we can’t expect them to fulfil those hopes.

People do settle down later now. That’s partly because education has become available to more people, so competition in the workplace is fiercer than it used to be. Young people can’t rest on their laurels after graduating like they used to, which is fair to those who used to be excluded but harder for those used to having the advantage. It’s also partly because housing is so expensive. Those with parents who can bankroll them are ok, but without that backing it is very difficult for young people to buy homes at the age we did.

I was 32 when I had my first child, but 22 when we bought our first house. Career wise I made my own way without parental support and it took longer than it would have done if I’d taken a more traditional route. I’m happy with that- I never wanted to be dependent on anyone - but my children were raised to be independent too, and to value the contribution they make to society rather than to themselves, so they are now at the same sort of age and show no signs of being likely to have children of their own yet, as it is so much harder for them to buy a house than it was for us (despite the interest rates and so on).

Later maybe, but I am getting older, which means that I will struggle to ’step up’ to do what my parents didn’t and be a supportive granny, as I am 20 years older than my grandmother was when I was born. Fair? Unfair? Neither really. It’s just how life plays out.

My priority would be concern that my children might never find fulfilment in becoming parents. My own desire to become a GP would come a distant second to that.

There are other ways to have fulfilling lives other than being a parent.

Of course we worry about our children, that is our job and we will worry about them until we are no longer on this earth, but as long as they are healthy and happy in their own way, I am happy too.

My oldest two met their spouses in their mid to late thirties. Both are happily married. The right person is worth the wait.
Both of them kissed their share of frogs!

The birth of grandchildren and children finding the 'right' person is not always the happy ending we envision it will be.

Of course we want our children to be loved and happy, but we also have to leave them to navigate the waters of their own lives, come what may.

You also still have your own life to live too!

It seems to be quite difficult for young people to find partners now.. especially with internet dating.. but if they continue to have their own interests and a good social life it will hopefully happen.. Meetup seems a great way to meet people. They will all live their own lives and you can only really love them and watch!!

Imarocker

There are other ways to have fulfilling lives other than being a parent.

Agreed. The title attracted me because I am worried about our grandchildrens' future, but for very very different reasons. The world is in a big big mess. Would I choose to have children now, I am not sure. I would possibly find it a very selfish decision, in view of the above.

The world is in a big, big mess

Probably always has been. Having a child in the two world wars, who knew what kind of future they would have?

You just want your children to be happy, but sadly you can’t control it.

Count your blessings they are not seriously ill, as two of my children are.
I find the world I live in a much better place than when I grew up in London in the 50’s.

I can understand your upset over the miscarriage and the wish to see your sons settled. Who couldn't. But your main desire seems to be rather selfishly motivated, in that you want your adult children to "give you" grandchildren. I presume you are both retired or nearing retirement so take my advice, get on and enjoy life. You are fortunate to still have a husband.

I don't want my sons to be alone. I long for them to have wives and families.

Can I say, kindly and gently, that this is about what you want and your, perhaps, limited idea, of what makes a happy life.

What is so dreadful about staying single? Look at the divorce rate. Is marriage necessarily a safe and settled life?

I am married with2 children and 2 grandchildren, but most of my friends, from school onwards have stayed single, I have 2 sisters, one never married, the other did not marry until she was nearly 50. My own daughter decided before she was 20 that she preferred to stay single and childless.

When I look at all these single women today I see happy women with strong social circles, close friends, deeply embedded in their collateral families. Most are retired now after successful careers

Perhaos you need to rethink what makes a happy and fulfilled life and encourage your sons to break out from home, establish their own lives, living away from home. The more they build independent single lives away from home and put marriage and family on the back burner, the more likely it is to happen.

wn62, I have no desire to appear harsh and I do know the pain of losing GC through miscarriage. However that pain is far greater for the parents. I recognize the feeling of not wanting your sons to be alone . Our son was single , we wondered if he would ever find the right person . We were concerned but he seemed very happy - in his mid 30s he met 'the one' he is now happily married - no children. Your sons may or may not settle down with their forever partner, you may or may not have GC. Whatever happens all will be well and remember GC are indeed a blessing but do come with responsibilities and worries!! Child free adults have the world at their feet are hopefully well and lead happy and fulfilled lives.
If your sons are well , be thankful. Please remember what you yearn for may not be what they want! Just enjoy your AC. and bear in mind we never know what is found the next corner !?

I’ve moved on to worrying about the grandchildren now, especially one who is a doctor and seems very lonely. Nothing whatsoever I can do about it, I can’t live their lives for them.

Calendargirl

^The world is in a big, big mess^

Probably always has been. Having a child in the two world wars, who knew what kind of future they would have?

You just want your children to be happy, but sadly you can’t control it.

You may diasagree, but I do think that there are so many things which are happening all at the same time currently, global warming combined with wars which could become global at any moment, Middle East and Palestine, Ukraine, China and North Korea coming together to beat the old Western world order and power- and the threat of nuclear war getting worse due to massive proliferation. Many of us always knew MAD would only work for a short period of time, which is now clearly over, due to above, and smaller more targeted nuclear weapons.

The old saying however, you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child, still holds, however.

The old saying however, you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child, still holds, however.

True although DH says "It's only the parents who worry".
I would add in grandparents.
I worry about DD - there are a lot of frogs out there but few princes and they get snapped up!

Another saying is "We have to give them roots and wings".

Re the GC.

I have five, ages ranging from 16-nearly 22.

I love them all, the ones in Oz I don’t really know very well, but I don’t fret about any of them as much as I did our own children. Yes, I want them to be happy and successful, but worries about whether they will marry, be able to buy their own home etc do not bother me too much.

I am one step removed from all that, it’s their parents job to worry and sort them out. If in the fullness of time they are able to inherit some money from us which will enable them to buy homes and so on, all well and good, but I won’t be here to see all that.

So many GN’ers seem to be as involved with the GC as their own parents are, too involved perhaps.

Fleurpepper

Calendargirl

The world is in a big, big mess

Probably always has been. Having a child in the two world wars, who knew what kind of future they would have?

You just want your children to be happy, but sadly you can’t control it.

You may diasagree, but I do think that there are so many things which are happening all at the same time currently, global warming combined with wars which could become global at any moment, Middle East and Palestine, Ukraine, China and North Korea coming together to beat the old Western world order and power- and the threat of nuclear war getting worse due to massive proliferation. Many of us always knew MAD would only work for a short period of time, which is now clearly over, due to above, and smaller more targeted nuclear weapons.

The old saying however, you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child, still holds, however.

There are always a host of problems . I was born, in London during WW2, my parents were born during WW1.

In my life we have had the Cold War, the Korean War, terrorist emergencies in Malaya and East Africa, the Vietnam war, and those are just six that arise immediately to mind. There are probably 10 oe 20 more threats to life and stability - remember the Bay of Pigs?

Life has always been like that and probably always will be.

I am not sure it is any worse now than in previous generations.

I am not sure it is any worse now than in previous generations.

Me neither.
My DF was in two World Wars, my FIL in one (and he didn't come home), there were uprisings, the Cold War, terrorist attacks here and in other countries.

Just when you think it's all improving and peace will prevail, along come another lot who think violence is the answer.

I don't think it is unusual to want your children to marry/have a serious long term partner and have children. Is it? I know it's fine to be single etc but family is important to all of us, to see your family getting smaller must be quite difficult. My children aren't breeding and the elders are dying, so we are becoming a smaller and smaller family and we were not a big extended family in the first place. I'd like grandchildren and I'd think that is a perfectly natural desire. One that may not be fulfilled, one I wont express to anyone other than my husband. I don't think that is odd.

It's not our children's duty to provide us with grandchildren. Should be entirely up to them as to whether or not they decide to have a family. Not everyone wants to be in a partnership either, people can live very happy and fulfilled lives on their own.
We really do need to change our attitudes to the way people choose to live their lives.

Oh goodness. To me, your children are still young and have plenty of time ahead of them.
I wouldn't be worrying that you'll never have grandchildren.
It's heart breaking I know and I'm sorry to learn about your daughters miscarriage.
Who knows, there may be a baby come along in the future. I hope so.

It’s not surprising that many of us hope to be grandparents.

You only have to read some of the comments here on GN.

“My GC are such a joy”.

“My GC are my world”

“My GC are the light of my life”

And so on.

No wonder it makes those without any feel even worse, that they are missing out.

And as we age and lose our own parents, it makes you aware how GC are the next generation.

(I am fortunate and have GC, but can imagine how sad I would be if I hadn’t any).

wn62, No, I don't feel as you do, alien to me. That's fine, we're all different. Perhaps it's time to live your own life, thinking of yourself?