Grandson calling me Mama

My seven year old granddaughter calls me mum at times but I just let it slide.

My grandchildren sometimes call me Miss, or Mum, my children called me Miss as well. As I worked in school as a special needs assistant I sometimes didn't even notice!
I have ten grandchildren 5 of them are autistic and different in so many ways so looking after them certainly keeps me on my toes. I would never not answer whatever I was called as I'd hate to think what they said wasn't worth listening to, even if sometimes it really isn't!
I think the main problem here is that if you continue to look after the little lad so much for your daughter you will begin to resent them both which would be a real shame, especially as he has formed a bond with you.
I hope you can sort this to your satisfaction as it sounds like you are the main constant in his life.

I agree with Baggs - I think you may be finding it tough looking after him so often. What he calls you is unimportant- he clearly sees you as a comfort and feels the love you give him - so valuable - but there may well be other issues when he doesn’t see his mum or feel her love and attention.

Wish O P would comment on child’s age and why she is doing childcare.

Autistic children often have trouble articulating but like all children, get muddled with names. My grandson has taken to calling me by my christian name and I just say, "Nanny to you!" Now it has become his little joke.
Is your Daughter a single parent because you don't mention what his father does when she is not around? Trying to get the balance for everybody can be difficult. Your daughter might need more support because bringing up an autistic child is far more difficult than a neurotypical child because you can't always find alternatives other than a parent.
Has your daughter come to terms with having a near-diverse child? My DIL found it very difficult and threw herself into more and more work to avoid the situation. It took some help to get her through it. Her avoidance had also facilitated guilt so it had all become horrible for her and I must admit I was getting burn out from picking up the pieces so I do understand where you are coming from. May I suggest that you tackle the issue of the amount of childcare you are doing whilst offering understanding of the issues your daughter faces. Maybe come up with some suggestions about how you can more forward with other people supporting her too.

You say that your daughter goes away for up to four days about six times a year. If those are business trips they are possibly important for her job security and maybe promotion. It will be important to her that her son is happy while she is away. However it may also be that she needs the respite.
Makes some notes to be clear in your mind about the reasons around this and then talk to her without judgement. She may not “see” you getting older.

Hello all, long time lurker first time commenter. I do agree with others comments about the use of mama and reading too much into it. It sounds to me as though the OP is not keen to look after her grandson for 4 days. She writes “sometimes this happens every other month” personally don't think that is really excessive.
However If you are not happy with the arrangement then you really must discuss this with your daughter. I looked after my two neuro diverse grandsons one day each week and it could be very challenging at times but it was my choice to do that for her and she always checked with me to ensure i was ok with it. Communication is key

Reminds me of when the little girl next door, who adopted me as a surrogate granny when she was three, called me Mummy by mistake one day “ I called you Mummy didn’t I?” She said “but you’re not my Mummy, then I called you Nanny as well and you are not my Nanny - you can be my Granny if you like, ‘cos she’s dead”!!! A rose by any other name lol!

My granddaughters call me mammar I think so long has u love him has much has he loves you and really you do have him a lot, your daughter probably got in a habit of you having him and her having her freedom, I would say to her it’s a lot and I love having him but not has much has I do

It sounds as though you feel too much is expected of you. It’s unkind to ignore a child, especially one with an asd diagnosis. Children often call their teacher aunt or gran mummy by mistake

When I was working in school some young children called me Maman, they were happy and didn’t think where they were.
Also, when I took my young DGC to the park and they made ‘friends’ I was Granny to all the French children as well as my DGC. I was brought up in the UK to say Auntie to my mother’s friends.
What is in a name as long as the children are happy?

If you don’t want to look after the grandchild so much, just say so. No need to dress it up with worries over what he calls you.

Two of my friends have grandchildren who call them mama. I think it might be a regional thing.

Lots of issues here I think. He probably calls you Mama because he sees you as a carer. Maybe you should correct him in a fun way when he says it.
You say your daughter goes on 'trips' which sound leisure related rather than work. Perhaps she needs a break too? However I know how easy it is to just say yes, but perhaps you need a chat with her so that she knows what you find acceptable. Just wondering if she consults you before planning the trips, because if she doesn't it's unacceptable, but if she does, you are giving permission.

Mammar and Grandma are not very different in sound, and when you're very young will be easily confused. It doesn't mean that your grandson is confusing the people.

I agree that the real issue seems to be that you are unhappy with the amount of childcare you are giving, and that's fair enough. You need to talk to your daughter, but please don't tell her that she needs to wake up to the fact that she's spending too much time away from her son? That sounds judgemental and will almost certainly make her feel bad.

I sometimes call my daughter by my sister's name when she's getting on my nerves .

BlueBelle

Violetsky I don’t have autism but I regularly call each of my grandchildren by my children’s names and vice versa I m sure if I had a dog they get called that name too

Goodness that is me! Sometimes I go through lists of family names before I hit the right one, we have 4 dogs in our household and I do the same with them!

OP, please don’t worry about the name thing, if nothing else it proves he is very comfortable with you, address the childcare if you’re not happy with the arrangement.

Does your DGS cry for his Mum or appear to miss her?

I was a childminder for many years and children would sometimes call me mum. It is hurtful if mum hears it but really it is just a child responding to someone caring for them. I would gently correct them. Your feeling about the amount of care you give is another matter. A grownup conversation needed I think.

Personally, I don't think your GS occasionally calling you 'mama' is the problem here. If your daughter is having to go away on work related trips for up to 4 days at a time, then she is very lucky to have you to help out with childcare. Although, the way that you've worded your post, it sounds to me as though these trips are not work related, please correct me if I'm wrong ...?

If she's going away with friends then I'm afraid that you are simply enabling her to do so, and the fact that you're also providing childcare every weekend, it sounds to me like she's taking advantage of you, particularly when you say, 'It's a lot on me to watch him for such a long length of time while she goes places without him'. It absolutely is a lot to be expecting of a grandmother!

Do you not have a life of your own that you would like to spend time at weekends with your partner (if you have one), or with friends/other family? Even if you don't, I think your daughter is asking way too much of you to expect you to take care of your GS every weekend. She seems to be shirking her responsibilities as a mother.

Does your daughter have a partner, or is she single and wanting to go out every weekend with her friends? If she does have a partner, then I think they both need a darn good talking to!

Whatever her situation, she needs to start taking her responsibilities as a parent more seriously, but that's not going to happen if you continue to enable her to take advantage of you, and to go galavanting whenever, and as often as she pleases! ...

The issue here is not so much what he calls you but the fact that you're obviously unhappy at having to look after him so much, particularly as Autistic children may well be as adorable as any children but some can be really hard work.They can't help it its just how they roll -because of the Autism.
You're obviously providing regular weekend care . That alone is already "above and beyond" surely.
I think you and your daughter need to negotiate what you are
prepared to do ; not just what suits her.
As Smileless12 says, think about being less available.

Theexwife

Meant in the nicest way, you are enabling her to shirk her parenting responsibilities, next time she asks just say no, it is too much for you. Why are you having him every weekend?

I agree. This sounds very wrong for both you and your grandson. You really should not be enabling your daughter to be, essentially, a bad parent. Surely you don't want that? The whole situation sounds untenable and actually rather disgraceful.

Unless she's going away so often for work, perhaps you should think about being less available Gram2one.

As others have said, I wouldn't read too much into him sometimes calling you mama, but if your D is leaving him with you so much to pursue her own leisurely activities, this could be the wake up call she needs.

Meant in the nicest way, you are enabling her to shirk her parenting responsibilities, next time she asks just say no, it is too much for you. Why are you having him every weekend?

BlueBelle

Violetsky I don’t have autism but I regularly call each of my grandchildren by my children’s names and vice versa I m sure if I had a dog they get called that name too

Yes, lots of people do it

But autism often looks a little different, I call them the wrong names when I am either talking to both or thinking of one when talking to the other.

I am terrible with names and faces in general except I somehow remember every name of a child at school because it's my job and it's in line with my special interest

Brains are weird

Teachers (especially of Reception age children) often get called Mum

Our youngest granddaughter would call my husband Papa until she could manage to say 'Grandpa'. We thought it was delightful.