Grandson calling me Mama

Welcome Gran2One. I'm not surprised your grandson is calling you Mama if your daughter is away so often. Is she away for work or leisure? If it's the latter she needs to realise that you will take her place as his mother figure eventually. If she has to work then you will just need to continually remind him that you are his grandma.

you are making it easy for her to go away so often, by looking after him so much.

I don't think he is calling you "Mama" because he thinks you are his mum or sees you as one

Lots of children with autism have difficulty with names, sometimes because of how they process and store information

I am autistic and very frequently muddle my children's names and as a child would often call my mum by her first name.. because I heard others doing it so my brain couldn't always come up with the correct term

This isn't a sign of anything I don't think

Good answer VioletSky. It is probably his word/ name for an adult female atm.

I taught autistic children for many years. Our youngest daughter was diagnosed with ASD aged 3. Her friend (also autistic) called me Mum all the time when she was young.

Please don’t ignore his attempts to communicate with you. You can reinforce in other ways “ Grandma will do it” “ Come to Grandma” etc

Maybe your daughter could look at a job where she isn’t away so much. There are probably lots of other considerations more significant than what he calls you.

You don't mention your grandson's age, Gram2One, but I'm assuming he's quite young. Like others on this thread I don't think you should read too much into his choice of word/name for you.

When my youngest daughter was very little, she called all visitors to the house girls because the most frequent ones (her significantly older sisters) were called "the girls" by me. She just thought everyone who didn't live in the house was a "girl", including men, such as someone else's grandfather who came to a meeting at our house.

The grandfather in question did not mind in the least as he was a retired teacher who understood children.

It also sounds from your post if you would rather not do as much childcare as you currently are doing. Perhaps talk to your daughter about that.

* as if

My friend's kids call her Mammar, it's quite normal in their family.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, but it sounds like you need a word with your daughter.

Where's the dad? other grandparents?

My dgs1 occasionally calls me mum instead of grandma. I just remind him and move on. Stop reading more into it than there is. The issue of childcare is separate

My grandson is just turned 3 and sometimes calls me mum when I'm looking after him. I don't usually bother to correct him - he knows I'm Nanny, I think it's just what he's used to calling when he wants something!! I

My DS when very small called me by my first name for ages... It what he heard the most not Mummy.
I wouldn't get concerned over it...

Violetsky I don’t have autism but I regularly call each of my grandchildren by my children’s names and vice versa I m sure if I had a dog they get called that name too

Our youngest granddaughter would call my husband Papa until she could manage to say 'Grandpa'. We thought it was delightful.

Teachers (especially of Reception age children) often get called Mum

BlueBelle

Violetsky I don’t have autism but I regularly call each of my grandchildren by my children’s names and vice versa I m sure if I had a dog they get called that name too

Yes, lots of people do it

But autism often looks a little different, I call them the wrong names when I am either talking to both or thinking of one when talking to the other.

I am terrible with names and faces in general except I somehow remember every name of a child at school because it's my job and it's in line with my special interest

Brains are weird

Meant in the nicest way, you are enabling her to shirk her parenting responsibilities, next time she asks just say no, it is too much for you. Why are you having him every weekend?

Unless she's going away so often for work, perhaps you should think about being less available Gram2one.

As others have said, I wouldn't read too much into him sometimes calling you mama, but if your D is leaving him with you so much to pursue her own leisurely activities, this could be the wake up call she needs.

Theexwife

Meant in the nicest way, you are enabling her to shirk her parenting responsibilities, next time she asks just say no, it is too much for you. Why are you having him every weekend?

I agree. This sounds very wrong for both you and your grandson. You really should not be enabling your daughter to be, essentially, a bad parent. Surely you don't want that? The whole situation sounds untenable and actually rather disgraceful.

The issue here is not so much what he calls you but the fact that you're obviously unhappy at having to look after him so much, particularly as Autistic children may well be as adorable as any children but some can be really hard work.They can't help it its just how they roll -because of the Autism.
You're obviously providing regular weekend care . That alone is already "above and beyond" surely.
I think you and your daughter need to negotiate what you are
prepared to do ; not just what suits her.
As Smileless12 says, think about being less available.

Personally, I don't think your GS occasionally calling you 'mama' is the problem here. If your daughter is having to go away on work related trips for up to 4 days at a time, then she is very lucky to have you to help out with childcare. Although, the way that you've worded your post, it sounds to me as though these trips are not work related, please correct me if I'm wrong ...?

If she's going away with friends then I'm afraid that you are simply enabling her to do so, and the fact that you're also providing childcare every weekend, it sounds to me like she's taking advantage of you, particularly when you say, 'It's a lot on me to watch him for such a long length of time while she goes places without him'. It absolutely is a lot to be expecting of a grandmother!

Do you not have a life of your own that you would like to spend time at weekends with your partner (if you have one), or with friends/other family? Even if you don't, I think your daughter is asking way too much of you to expect you to take care of your GS every weekend. She seems to be shirking her responsibilities as a mother.

Does your daughter have a partner, or is she single and wanting to go out every weekend with her friends? If she does have a partner, then I think they both need a darn good talking to!

Whatever her situation, she needs to start taking her responsibilities as a parent more seriously, but that's not going to happen if you continue to enable her to take advantage of you, and to go galavanting whenever, and as often as she pleases! ...

I was a childminder for many years and children would sometimes call me mum. It is hurtful if mum hears it but really it is just a child responding to someone caring for them. I would gently correct them. Your feeling about the amount of care you give is another matter. A grownup conversation needed I think.

BlueBelle

Violetsky I don’t have autism but I regularly call each of my grandchildren by my children’s names and vice versa I m sure if I had a dog they get called that name too

Goodness that is me! Sometimes I go through lists of family names before I hit the right one, we have 4 dogs in our household and I do the same with them!

OP, please don’t worry about the name thing, if nothing else it proves he is very comfortable with you, address the childcare if you’re not happy with the arrangement.

Does your DGS cry for his Mum or appear to miss her?

Mammar and Grandma are not very different in sound, and when you're very young will be easily confused. It doesn't mean that your grandson is confusing the people.

I agree that the real issue seems to be that you are unhappy with the amount of childcare you are giving, and that's fair enough. You need to talk to your daughter, but please don't tell her that she needs to wake up to the fact that she's spending too much time away from her son? That sounds judgemental and will almost certainly make her feel bad.

I sometimes call my daughter by my sister's name when she's getting on my nerves .

Lots of issues here I think. He probably calls you Mama because he sees you as a carer. Maybe you should correct him in a fun way when he says it.
You say your daughter goes on 'trips' which sound leisure related rather than work. Perhaps she needs a break too? However I know how easy it is to just say yes, but perhaps you need a chat with her so that she knows what you find acceptable. Just wondering if she consults you before planning the trips, because if she doesn't it's unacceptable, but if she does, you are giving permission.