My friend drains me

I have a friend who constantly talks about herself her family and her life dramas. I listen politely offer sympathy and advice if called for I totally indulge every aspect of her life. However if I have something going on in my life and try to mention it she will either completely ignore me as if I had not spoken or just talk over me when I am speaking. She has zero empathy for any situation other than her own and never ever asks about my life. It's draining.

We are a group of four friends who meet up pretty regularly through the year for lunch. Similar ages all with grown up children and grandchildren. One of us has always dominated the conversation rabbiting on about people none of us know and in whom we have no interest whatsoever. We have all been very good natured about this but as we have got older we are all finding it very draining. We now go to the length of planning subjects we will bring up to try and divert the conversation. We love this lady and would never be able to tell her how we feel. To make things worse she has recently been widowed. None of us are perfect, everything will continue as before.

FND or 'functional neurological disorders can be very debilitating for the person, because there does not seem to be a medical explanation to account for the symptoms that the person is complaining of. All tests and investigations do not provide any answers.
So I can totally sympathise with how you are feeling. I agree with the posters who say that you should both meet outside of the home, and that should help you enjoy the encounter more, and thus feel less guilty than perhaps you do now when you meet up.

How about trips to the cinema or theatre with her? Less time for droning 🤣

I’ve read that we are sponges, or radiators.
I know someone who is definitely a sponge, it took me a while to realise this. We went on a day trip, as always she sat in the window seat, spent a lot of the day ‘finding a loo’, decided she was unable to walk, groaning, so we went in a Harvester at lunchtime, where she ordered a cup of tea. I had lunch, then she joined in, so it took hours. The penny dropped, she wasn’t going anywhere at all, she’d decided to be a misery, spoiling the day, so I left her to it. Never again, end of. ( But I made sure I got the window seat on the way home.)

My parents in law were very tedious, boring to death I should say. No social life at all, not wanting one, because "we only care about our own" - my husband an only child. At a certain point I started taking some knitting of patchworking. I can perfectly hold a conversation while doing either of those. They hated it, wanting my undivided attention, but I persevered. Told my husband : it's this or I don't go with you anymore. He understood. Visits were every week and for several hours.

I have a good friend from the town I was brought up in, we go way back to when we were at school together, every year she visits for a week because we live some distance apart.
The only thing is she talks for England, and very slowly, describing everything in great detail, my DH calls her a cure for insomnia but we would never let on that she is boring us, she is one of the kindest people I know.
Once a year is definitely enough with WhatsApp and a few calls inbetween.
Thing is I sometimes wonder, do I come across as tedious to others?
Food for thought.

I have known my friend, who sometimes behaves badly in restaurants for around 20 years. She was a DPhil student at the College where I worked as an administrator. We are a similar age with children about the same age and similar interests. Then her son died in an accident, her husband became seriously ill and subsequently died and she began having problems with her daughter. I basically sit there and listen. She always asks how I am and I’ve sent her a link to my younger son’s academic tome because she asked about it. Seeing her once every two or three months is probably enough. We had lunch yesterday and she complained about the pinkness of the roast beef. For Pete’s sake, it’s supposed to be pink!

I have several relatives like this who only ever talk about themselves, their friends ( who I have never met) their fantastic trips etc etc They are so boring! Never ask me about how I am or what I'm doing! BUT because they are relatives and can be really kind and generous I have learnt to set boundaries, limit our meetings and see them only as much as I can handle it!

Yes very tiring. I have a similar situation but find a couple of glasses of wine help. Or three …..

I have a friend like this who goes on and on about various relatives that I've never met. I tend to interrupt every now and again which seems to work.
I've known her for about 10 years and the caring lively conversations we used to have has virtually gone now and it's all about her. Never asks how I am like she used to.
I am wondering if the rambling on and on could be the start of dementia tbh.

I have a friend also completely without a sense of humour and it's very hard work. She has two topics of conversation neither of which interest me at all and yet she drones on about them endlessly. We meet up occasionally but then I always regret it afterwards. Trouble is she can be very kind hearted and I feel guilty if I don't contact her.

I drop them! They are not friends, as they show no interest in us - they only want to go on and on about themselves.

If this woman is tiring you to the extent you say, then either drop her, or set a well defined limit to the time you spend with her by saying I can visit you, have you here for an hour, but then I have to go.

their even

if you have a friend who drones on and on you need to cut in at some point with a question/remark about something completely different! It may brighten there day to have something else to talk about.. they will drone on if you sit silent!

My friend has included a lady like this to our meet ups. She never married and lives alone but I find it limits our conversations and I'm relieved when she is unable to come out.I also see my friend on a different day sometimes and that is more fun but I would never say anything or exclude the lady

Yes away from home, definitely. I have no escape!

Sounds awful, but if you really want to keep some contact or feel it’s a duty, which I understand, then as other posters say make it infrequent and not in your home or her home.

Is it possible to take someone else with you in order to keep a more cheerful conversation going? I had a very kind friend who had a friend like yours, and she used to visit with other people (me included) who would maintain a resolutely positive conversation, introducing new topics for the duration of the visit.

😊

try to keep our meetings infrequent but a bit special

Yes. This is my solution!
It is so much better!

LovelyCuppa, the things she finds funny are not in fact, funny 🙄

Yes she can get out and swallow. She’s only in her 40s ((I’m 67) and handles her condition with good grace. She does smoke though which infuriates me as she has a constant cough (checked out, lungs are ok.)
Sadly there does appear to be no sense of humour whatsoever, but I know there are more important things. I’ve just messaged her to suggest a meal so will try to keep our meetings infrequent but a bit special. I don’t want to feel obligated to her because of her condition and she does have many other social contacts. Having spoken to some of them though, I know they feel exactly as I do.

Ha ha LovelyCuppa - no some really don't!

What kind of things does she find funny? Most people have a sense of humour, it’s just about finding the right things to make them laugh!