My friend drains me

I think a lot will depend on how often you see her and also your age. If you are a fighting fit ? year old and see her everyday then it will be draining. If however, you only see her once a month, then a nice visit to a tea room or garden centre cafe keeping it down to an hour/hour and a half, and listen to her with care, then you are keeping her in your life and also being kind to her. For me, it would depend on how much for how long.

P.S. I have a neighbour like this who still talks about the war and her father being in the First World War and it is her only subject, I take her out every few months to keep in touch but also because she does not get out much now. I put it down to my good deed for the day - and yes - it is virtue signalling on my part, but then again better to be kind than not bother at all.

Tuiam makes some good points, which I agree with.

If you see a lot of her, tactfully reduce the time you spend with her.

Thank you! I do see a lot of her currently but reducing our meetings and doing something nice is a good idea. Maybe a nice meal in our favourite restaurant. In the meantime, I can make a point of keeping in touch by messaging her.

Is she able to get out?
Can she swallow OK?

People who are draining are less so in new surroundings where you can see other people/things.

I know. I have a kind friend who I'm fond of but who is exhausting.
Best in small doses at stately homes, cafés, garden centres or parks.

Book a visit in occasionally - not as often as once a month!!!

My friend immediately widens the conversation outside of her home.

What kind of things does she find funny? Most people have a sense of humour, it’s just about finding the right things to make them laugh!

Ha ha LovelyCuppa - no some really don't!

Yes she can get out and swallow. She’s only in her 40s ((I’m 67) and handles her condition with good grace. She does smoke though which infuriates me as she has a constant cough (checked out, lungs are ok.)
Sadly there does appear to be no sense of humour whatsoever, but I know there are more important things. I’ve just messaged her to suggest a meal so will try to keep our meetings infrequent but a bit special. I don’t want to feel obligated to her because of her condition and she does have many other social contacts. Having spoken to some of them though, I know they feel exactly as I do.

LovelyCuppa, the things she finds funny are not in fact, funny 🙄

try to keep our meetings infrequent but a bit special

Yes. This is my solution!
It is so much better!

😊

Is it possible to take someone else with you in order to keep a more cheerful conversation going? I had a very kind friend who had a friend like yours, and she used to visit with other people (me included) who would maintain a resolutely positive conversation, introducing new topics for the duration of the visit.

Sounds awful, but if you really want to keep some contact or feel it’s a duty, which I understand, then as other posters say make it infrequent and not in your home or her home.

Yes away from home, definitely. I have no escape!

My friend has included a lady like this to our meet ups. She never married and lives alone but I find it limits our conversations and I'm relieved when she is unable to come out.I also see my friend on a different day sometimes and that is more fun but I would never say anything or exclude the lady

if you have a friend who drones on and on you need to cut in at some point with a question/remark about something completely different! It may brighten there day to have something else to talk about.. they will drone on if you sit silent!

their even

I drop them! They are not friends, as they show no interest in us - they only want to go on and on about themselves.

If this woman is tiring you to the extent you say, then either drop her, or set a well defined limit to the time you spend with her by saying I can visit you, have you here for an hour, but then I have to go.

I have a friend also completely without a sense of humour and it's very hard work. She has two topics of conversation neither of which interest me at all and yet she drones on about them endlessly. We meet up occasionally but then I always regret it afterwards. Trouble is she can be very kind hearted and I feel guilty if I don't contact her.

I have a friend like this who goes on and on about various relatives that I've never met. I tend to interrupt every now and again which seems to work.
I've known her for about 10 years and the caring lively conversations we used to have has virtually gone now and it's all about her. Never asks how I am like she used to.
I am wondering if the rambling on and on could be the start of dementia tbh.

Yes very tiring. I have a similar situation but find a couple of glasses of wine help. Or three …..

I have several relatives like this who only ever talk about themselves, their friends ( who I have never met) their fantastic trips etc etc They are so boring! Never ask me about how I am or what I'm doing! BUT because they are relatives and can be really kind and generous I have learnt to set boundaries, limit our meetings and see them only as much as I can handle it!

I have known my friend, who sometimes behaves badly in restaurants for around 20 years. She was a DPhil student at the College where I worked as an administrator. We are a similar age with children about the same age and similar interests. Then her son died in an accident, her husband became seriously ill and subsequently died and she began having problems with her daughter. I basically sit there and listen. She always asks how I am and I’ve sent her a link to my younger son’s academic tome because she asked about it. Seeing her once every two or three months is probably enough. We had lunch yesterday and she complained about the pinkness of the roast beef. For Pete’s sake, it’s supposed to be pink!

I have a good friend from the town I was brought up in, we go way back to when we were at school together, every year she visits for a week because we live some distance apart.
The only thing is she talks for England, and very slowly, describing everything in great detail, my DH calls her a cure for insomnia but we would never let on that she is boring us, she is one of the kindest people I know.
Once a year is definitely enough with WhatsApp and a few calls inbetween.
Thing is I sometimes wonder, do I come across as tedious to others?
Food for thought.