Expressing your pride in adult children

AreWeThereYet No, I do not remember a direct personal compliment. Except a few months before my father's death, I took my father and a friend to an outside concert and parked in the main car park, and realised on the walk to the concert venue, that my father was suddenly going down hill physically and I was worried about getting him back to the car afterwards and wondered whether there was any chance I could get a place in the disabled car park.

After I had settled everyone down with tables and chairs and the first glass of wine. I said I would go and see if I could move the car. Well I succeded and went back to join father and friend to tell of my success. At which point, the friend turned to me and said 'After you left your father said 'If anyone can do it M0nica can,''

So even that compliment wasn't directly to me, but repeated by the person it was made to. He died a few months later, and as I said, at the funeral people were telling my sister and I all the time how proud our parents were of us and always talking about us, but we never knew.

Syracute

Just say it ! Let’s not make it complicated. My MIL told my husband that his Dad was proud of him after his Dad passed. Why couldn’t he have told him while he was alive ?

I did. On page one

Just say it ! Let’s not make it complicated. My MIL told my husband that his Dad was proud of him after his Dad passed. Why couldn’t he have told him while he was alive ?

I think both of mine just know how proud I am of them . They have both worked hard and done well in different ways, in different fields and, even as an often struggling single parent, I always tried to make their passage through as easy as I could for them so that they could concentrate on their studies. They repaid me by never giving me an ounce of trouble and by being a credit to me in every way. I sound smug, don’t I ? But I think my pride in them is just there for all to see without having to voice it.

In my whole life my DM never congratulated me on anything. My DF did occasionally, I knew he was quite proud of me.

I once heard an Aunt telling DM how nice it was that I'd got a very hard earned promotion. My DM replied 'Oh she could fall in a bog and come up smelling of roses. She never has to try very hard'. The only thing I did that she had any interest in was to have children and then she was less impressed when I didn't take them to visit her every few weeks, because lived 200 miles away.

So I make sure I always tell my AC and GC that they've done well, that I'm proud when they worked hard to achieve whatever it was. They're all fairly different with a variety of interests, so it's pretty easy to find something to show an interest in and praise. It's not really being proud of whatever it is they achieved but the fact that they put in the effort to achieve it and sometimes sacrificed other things on the way.

Rekarie

I think I'm from Monica's parents world. I've never told them I'm proud of them. In my eyes that sounds a bit self congratulatory.

We have a fabulous relationship with them all . They've all done very well indeed. But was that thanks to me? Nope.

We encouraged and congratulated but the pride word wasn't used.

My parents didn't say they were proud of me either but I don't think it was necessary.

But I missed the validation that my parents telling me they were proud of me would have made, nothing effusive, nor constant repetition. Telling a child they have done well, is to recognised what theyhave done by their own efforts and is nor remotely self-congratulary.

When I was working, I always appreciated it when someone commended my work and would also ways commend my own staff when they did well.

Like others here my parents never commented on my achievements in life, other than when I scored 99% in a test at primary school my dad said "What happened to the other 1%?"
They also never told me that in the 11-plus I got the highest score in my county - I learnt this by accident about ten years later.

Despite leaving school at 16 I eventually qualified as an Accountant in my late 20s - entirely financed and fought for by myself, and still no response from my parents. But when my dad died (he had been a builders' labourer) two ex-colleagues of his came to the funeral and told me how my dad had crowed to them with pride when I became an Accountant and had taken them all out for a drink!!! Whilst Id have been embarrassed by too much praise it would have been nice to have known of his pleasure. But I always knew he loved me.

I'm afraid I seem to be the same with my two daughters. Both got excellent degrees after working hard, both have good jobs, the one who is a mother is superb at it, and they both married excellent men. They are also good daughters and sons-in-law, and I am proud of them. But I have never said so, and having read this post I feel that I should rectify that.

I am not at all worried about each one knowing that I praise the other cos they are good friends and admire each other too. In fact if I tell them separately I think I might get emotional. I also want their husband's to know that I admire them also. But I am sitting here near to tears already - so maybe I'd better do it in a letter!!!

I think I'm from Monica's parents world. I've never told them I'm proud of them. In my eyes that sounds a bit self congratulatory.

We have a fabulous relationship with them all . They've all done very well indeed. But was that thanks to me? Nope.

We encouraged and congratulated but the pride word wasn't used.

My parents didn't say they were proud of me either but I don't think it was necessary.

I really don’t think there can be a straightforward answer to this question!

I am immensely proud of my clever, funny, caring son who is a recovering alcoholic! His alcoholism has put him in a wheelchair!

I am probably a little bit more proud of my daughter who did not get anywhere near her brother’s academic achievement but worked her precious little butt off and is now in an “upper middle” job.

Son is divorced and doesn’t see his son at all. Daughter is separated from the one that she will tell you herself is “the kindest man in the world” and who is still a huge part in his son’s and our families life

How do I decide between them?? I don’t!!

They are mine, I love them both equally and I appreciate their differences and the hurdles they have both overcome!

I know how lucky I am

I never got much recognition for my achievements from my parents because they were both artists and didn't see anything special in the work I was doing, and my mother had always been top of the class and just expected me to be the same. They were once quite pleased when I won a school prize, but not ecstatic. When my children were young an old family friend said "I've never seen you as the motherly type, but you seem to be doing as well as most people" and that seemed to be as good as it got. With my own children I don't think I've ever said anything about being proud of them, just provided practical backing for whatever they happen to be doing.

I tell my family I’m proud of them frequently no matter what they have or haven’t achieved, sometimes I m proud of them for just getting up and facing the world head on when they have lots of stresses to contend with, I’m also telling my little grandsons how proud I am of them, the world is not an easy place to be growing up in and they need all the help and encouragement they can get I think

I’ve three sons would do it quietly and only when we were together. I love all my boys and I’m proud of them for different reasons at different times.

It would feel like an omission not to praise an adult child's achievements, so as others have said, do go ahead and celebrate. And as others have also said, it does not have to be done in front of the other or others. But I imagine you tell them you love them and you hug them and they know you love them for who they are - you sound very loving. I think you can stop worrying and simply love and enjoy your lovely children, as well as celebrating milestones.

Speak privately to each one when you’d prefer not to have your thoughts considered by the other one. That works for me, especially when expressing pride.

handbaghoarder as the mother of a son of that age, I can only imagine the crucifying grief you are enduring. My heart goes out to you, and to your son's young family. x

Whatever and however you do it please make sure they know exactly how you feel about them. My 50 yr old son had the job of his dreams in 2022. The job he had worked and sacrificed all his life for. We had watched his ascent with admiration and pride. And not a little anxiety as he juggled this with a family of 5 kids.
In Feb 23 he felt unwell. Was diagnosed with cancer and dead within a month. I only hope and pray that we had all done enough to let him know how he was loved and admired by us and all around him.

Zuzu I am definitely "sappy" sometimes 😂 - particularly in messages.

They know me and my love for them and sometimes I have been told "I really needed to hear that today".

Sometimes I get the weepy person emoji back -
This one: 😭
It's often followed by a laughing one or eye rolls.

I do weep a lot with both joy and sorrow and they all laugh at me (fondly!).
I don't embarrass them in public though!

Praise and encouragement are great fertilisers - they work magic.

whatever achievement isn't supposed to be marked out, not sure how I did that.

I do both. I love & praise them privately and together. Something along the line of: I'm so proud of you, you are a good father/mother, husband/wife, etc. I've always loved you and been proud of you. I'm so happy you made whatever achievement you've worked hard.

I don't necessarily say all of this in one long sentence, I want it to be as I mean it--sincere and not sappy.

I substitute happy for proud of the achievement while inserting proud of them as a person.

Just a quiet acknowledgement to them all individually. Just tell them one at a time you love them and you are proud of them 😊

Hi Op, I would praise as in 'I'm so happy for you, its something you really wanted to achieve, you should be really proud of yourself'

I was fortunate in that both my parents were warm and demonstrative and happy to praise me. They were also genuinely pleased to acknowledge other peoples' successes.

I think people/parents are much more forthcoming these days in praising the achievements of others, family or friends. I was a higher achiever than my sister but, although we had a good and happy family life, I don't remember ever actually being told 'I love you' getting hugs or being congratulated for anything I achieved. It did not occur to me that, maybe, I was missing something! Every walk of life is much more 'touchy/feely' today!!

Well by now your children should know that you are proud of what they are and do and that you love them.

Just open your mouth and tell the one who has achieved something special how happy this makes you.

Unless the brother or sister in the case has a serious inferiority complex that cannot possibly cause any problems.

If you think it might, congratulate the other when his / her brother/sister isn't there to hear you do so.