Neighbours and their child

Cossy

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

He’s quite behind in his his speech, I know which school he’s started and I don’t want to interfere but some of the things I’ve heard them both say to him are a bit worrying. They both swear a lot, quite ferociously and when having a row with the downstairs neighbour outside in the garden she repeatedly called him a C**t very loudly, we all heard!

That's emotional abuse of a child - yes refer to Social Services, may be other abusive behaviour being directed at him that you do not know about.

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

If you had called my school, we would suggest that you phone Social Services and that we would not be able to discuss the situation with you, due to data protection or that it may be malicious. (Not saying you are.)

However, we would ourselves alert Social Services that there were concerns.
The school are probably already aware of concerns.

Short term, I would make a note of the shouting episodes. It may be relevant later.

HousePlantQueen

JdotJ

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

Totally agree. This is a very tricky situation, but we hear so many times, after a tragedy, of neighbours 'not wishing to interfere'. We have all got cross with our children at times, maybe raised our voices, but no child should be subject to a constant barrage of abuse and swearing. Poor little soul

I totally agree too. A small child in such a situation is helpless and trapped - he needs help.

JdotJ

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

Totally agree. This is a very tricky situation, but we hear so many times, after a tragedy, of neighbours 'not wishing to interfere'. We have all got cross with our children at times, maybe raised our voices, but no child should be subject to a constant barrage of abuse and swearing. Poor little soul

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

*mum not mym!

pascal30

I would have a proper conversation with the parents and tell them that you are worried about the effect their shouting is having on their son.. also the upset it is causing you.. it might be that they were brought up in similar circumstances and aren't aware of the effect it is having.. I've often heard mothers screaming at their children in the street.. If you talk to them with respect and care I don't think they could be offended..

I know the mum and dad of Mym, as they lived in, and own, the flat and they were both very civilised and calm and the two girls when little were quite happy and used to stand on their slide and call to us over the fence.

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

He’s quite behind in his his speech, I know which school he’s started and I don’t want to interfere but some of the things I’ve heard them both say to him are a bit worrying. They both swear a lot, quite ferociously and when having a row with the downstairs neighbour outside in the garden she repeatedly called him a C**t very loudly, we all heard!

ElaineI

If you have spoken to the Mum I would be wary as she would probably assume it was you who reported them. It depends what they are shouting eg. threats, swearing etc. Does he look unkempt, too thin etc. You could perhaps keep a diary of the times. At that age children can quickly go from happy with everything to screaming tantrums, falling out. DGD is 7 and can be shouting about doing homework, her friends not doing what she wants, slamming doors then happy as Larry. What does your partner think?

He witnessed the constant shouting and he thinks parents are abusive.

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

I would have a proper conversation with the parents and tell them that you are worried about the effect their shouting is having on their son.. also the upset it is causing you.. it might be that they were brought up in similar circumstances and aren't aware of the effect it is having.. I've often heard mothers screaming at their children in the street.. If you talk to them with respect and care I don't think they could be offended..

Had you not approached the woman initially then you would have been able to call social services without the finger of suspicion being pointed!

The reality is there is a child’s well-being at stake here, we have all read the many cases where there was no intervention and a child suffered.

I would set out an email with the bare facts and then at least the school, health visitor etc will all be in the loop and aware if there are any red flags.

It could be that if they were ever aware of a report they would blame the prople in the flat below.

This is worrying. Aggressive shouting at a child is abuse. I don't think social services would go wading in if they were alerted to this. They may contact the child's school/nursery depending on age of the child.
It would be better to see if there are any further incidents and contact SS then or you could ring them for advice.

It does sound worrying but I wouldn't go rushing off to S Security just yet. As Elaine suggests, try making a note of each incident - day, time, duration and result (if there is one). Then if and when you're pretty darn sure something is wrong, approach SS.
I have seen social workers wade in to a situation with no sensitivity and make matters 10 times worse.
For your own sake, make sure of your facts first.

If you have spoken to the Mum I would be wary as she would probably assume it was you who reported them. It depends what they are shouting eg. threats, swearing etc. Does he look unkempt, too thin etc. You could perhaps keep a diary of the times. At that age children can quickly go from happy with everything to screaming tantrums, falling out. DGD is 7 and can be shouting about doing homework, her friends not doing what she wants, slamming doors then happy as Larry. What does your partner think?