Neighbours and their child

If you have spoken to the Mum I would be wary as she would probably assume it was you who reported them. It depends what they are shouting eg. threats, swearing etc. Does he look unkempt, too thin etc. You could perhaps keep a diary of the times. At that age children can quickly go from happy with everything to screaming tantrums, falling out. DGD is 7 and can be shouting about doing homework, her friends not doing what she wants, slamming doors then happy as Larry. What does your partner think?

It does sound worrying but I wouldn't go rushing off to S Security just yet. As Elaine suggests, try making a note of each incident - day, time, duration and result (if there is one). Then if and when you're pretty darn sure something is wrong, approach SS.
I have seen social workers wade in to a situation with no sensitivity and make matters 10 times worse.
For your own sake, make sure of your facts first.

This is worrying. Aggressive shouting at a child is abuse. I don't think social services would go wading in if they were alerted to this. They may contact the child's school/nursery depending on age of the child.
It would be better to see if there are any further incidents and contact SS then or you could ring them for advice.

Had you not approached the woman initially then you would have been able to call social services without the finger of suspicion being pointed!

The reality is there is a child’s well-being at stake here, we have all read the many cases where there was no intervention and a child suffered.

I would set out an email with the bare facts and then at least the school, health visitor etc will all be in the loop and aware if there are any red flags.

It could be that if they were ever aware of a report they would blame the prople in the flat below.

I would have a proper conversation with the parents and tell them that you are worried about the effect their shouting is having on their son.. also the upset it is causing you.. it might be that they were brought up in similar circumstances and aren't aware of the effect it is having.. I've often heard mothers screaming at their children in the street.. If you talk to them with respect and care I don't think they could be offended..

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

ElaineI

If you have spoken to the Mum I would be wary as she would probably assume it was you who reported them. It depends what they are shouting eg. threats, swearing etc. Does he look unkempt, too thin etc. You could perhaps keep a diary of the times. At that age children can quickly go from happy with everything to screaming tantrums, falling out. DGD is 7 and can be shouting about doing homework, her friends not doing what she wants, slamming doors then happy as Larry. What does your partner think?

He witnessed the constant shouting and he thinks parents are abusive.

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

He’s quite behind in his his speech, I know which school he’s started and I don’t want to interfere but some of the things I’ve heard them both say to him are a bit worrying. They both swear a lot, quite ferociously and when having a row with the downstairs neighbour outside in the garden she repeatedly called him a C**t very loudly, we all heard!

pascal30

I would have a proper conversation with the parents and tell them that you are worried about the effect their shouting is having on their son.. also the upset it is causing you.. it might be that they were brought up in similar circumstances and aren't aware of the effect it is having.. I've often heard mothers screaming at their children in the street.. If you talk to them with respect and care I don't think they could be offended..

I know the mum and dad of Mym, as they lived in, and own, the flat and they were both very civilised and calm and the two girls when little were quite happy and used to stand on their slide and call to us over the fence.

*mum not mym!

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

JdotJ

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

Totally agree. This is a very tricky situation, but we hear so many times, after a tragedy, of neighbours 'not wishing to interfere'. We have all got cross with our children at times, maybe raised our voices, but no child should be subject to a constant barrage of abuse and swearing. Poor little soul

HousePlantQueen

JdotJ

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

Totally agree. This is a very tricky situation, but we hear so many times, after a tragedy, of neighbours 'not wishing to interfere'. We have all got cross with our children at times, maybe raised our voices, but no child should be subject to a constant barrage of abuse and swearing. Poor little soul

I totally agree too. A small child in such a situation is helpless and trapped - he needs help.

Short term, I would make a note of the shouting episodes. It may be relevant later.

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

If you had called my school, we would suggest that you phone Social Services and that we would not be able to discuss the situation with you, due to data protection or that it may be malicious. (Not saying you are.)

However, we would ourselves alert Social Services that there were concerns.
The school are probably already aware of concerns.

Cossy

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

He’s quite behind in his his speech, I know which school he’s started and I don’t want to interfere but some of the things I’ve heard them both say to him are a bit worrying. They both swear a lot, quite ferociously and when having a row with the downstairs neighbour outside in the garden she repeatedly called him a C**t very loudly, we all heard!

That's emotional abuse of a child - yes refer to Social Services, may be other abusive behaviour being directed at him that you do not know about.

Cossy

JdotJ

Could you perhaps find out the school that the child has just started at and give them a ring with your concerns. They can monitor the child in Reception class as to anything said about home life.

He’s quite behind in his his speech, I know which school he’s started and I don’t want to interfere but some of the things I’ve heard them both say to him are a bit worrying. They both swear a lot, quite ferociously and when having a row with the downstairs neighbour outside in the garden she repeatedly called him a C**t very loudly, we all heard!

Verbal abuse is abuse, and particularly shocking when aimed at an innocent child. You are right to be concerned Cossy. If I were you I would ring Social Services, I haven't a clue how these things are handled but would simply describe exactly what you have witnessed, and perhaps your partner could speak to them as well to corroborate what you have said.
The thing is I imagine most of us would balk at having to report any parent to Social Services, many wouldn't want to get involved, but what if by intervening you are saving a child.
Wishing you well with this. Is definitely a difficult situation you are facing.
xx

Keep a note of incidents - it would be helpful if a pattern could be identified.
Phone the school and ask to speak with the family/welfare worker. Phone social services and keep a note of who you speak to.
Then keep noting incidents.

Can you chat with them over the garden fence as a way of building a relationship before you leap in with voicing your concerns to them directly?
I certainly would not involve her parents.

Tricky situation, but child comes first.

I’ve messaged her today and casually asked if all is ok and how did child settle in school. I’ll keep a close eye and ear on them all.

Is the partner the child’s birth father or a stepfather? That could also have a bearing on what’s going on. Very difficult for you, that’s for sure.

JdotJ

You'll never forgive yourself if you don't "interfere"
I always think if parents are that abusive to the child when others can hear it, then what are they like when others can't 🤔

I agree.
If I was you Cossy I would def speak to SS.They may do nothing of course but if they were at least to speak to this child’s parents it could make them more careful in future about the shouting.Poor little kid my heart bleeds for all who are treated this way by vile parents.😠

Worrying situation for you cossy. Your suggestion is mum wasn’t brought up
With shouting or verbal abuse.
No point phoning school, as marydoll points out it isn’t their role and you’d be advised to speak to children’s services
Make a brief note of your concerns, bullet points with timescales if you can. Reading this may help you decide whether to refer and exactly what you’re telling them. It could also help you decide whether to refer now or keep a log with dates etc then refer with insistence your details are confidential
You could phone the nspcc to discuss - they don’t investigate and would refer to children’s services with your knowledge if that seemed appropriate

Cossy

I’ve messaged her today and casually asked if all is ok and how did child settle in school. I’ll keep a close eye and ear on them all.

Could you try to record the shouting on your phone, would that be possible.

You might think about contacting the NSPCC in the first instance and ask to remain anonymous. They would then look into it and if necessary pass it over to SS.