Why are people so spiteful?

I like your style Grandadpete. 😅

I once left a group with the parting Groucho Marx quote " I refuse to join any club that would have the likes of me as a member "😂

Maybe point out the group is about crafting and not a personality contest

Is it possible to carry on with the crafting but not join the new group?

I think I would post on the group “I see Jenny’s not here, is she ok or is there a problem, I thought she would love this group” then see what’s said. If others say “we don’t want/like Jenny then decide if you want to carry on with that group or just do the crafting.

I'd be out of there. How do you know there's not a group that has excluded you?

Ilovedogs22

Oh Astitchintime, In my experience groups of men are far less problematic than groups of women. As a young woman gardener I worked with groups of male landscapers, who were kind, funny & considerate. It was only during a spell of working in a plant nursery that I suffered from the pure, mean spite of female co-workers. Men (generally) are far less complicated than a lot of neurotic women; sad to say. 😕

Have to agree.

OldFrill

M0nica

Becasue that is how some people are. nature? nurture? life experience? No idea. They just are.

Because it goes unchallenged. Some ego decides to rule the roost and others follow.
I'd call it out publicly on the group, asking if members are aware one has been left out and how would they feel if it was them. They'll probably delete you or start yet another group but one or two may stand with you.

Yes, I agree with this action too.

That's the interesting thing about watching the sort of reality programmes where people are dumped somewhere with others.

They automatically, unconsciously (sometimes) start sorting out their role in the group.

Some will use any tactic to ensure they are top dog.

Interesting theory MissAdventure. I always considered that some people are just intrinsically greedy & self-serving whilst others are altruistic, but, yes, in exceptional, dire, exteme circumstances, life or death, type of thing, who knows how we would all actually behave? 🤔

It reminds me of 'prisoner, call block H' with queen Bea.
I'm sure it's a leftover response from a time when being the Alpha of the group meant first dibs on everything.

Oh Astitchintime, In my experience groups of men are far less problematic than groups of women. As a young woman gardener I worked with groups of male landscapers, who were kind, funny & considerate. It was only during a spell of working in a plant nursery that I suffered from the pure, mean spite of female co-workers. Men (generally) are far less complicated than a lot of neurotic women; sad to say. 😕

Can’t stand this kind of thing and sometimes seen it among nurses I have worked with . It never affected me but I didn’t often go along to the clique things . Have seen people in tears for being excluded and one time worked with a couple of groups who really hated each other . A relief when one group gradually left . There was a near fisticuffs thing with one nurse stomping off the ward when she should have been working . Fortunately I wasn’t there when it happened . They were disciplined and one it was gross disciplinary behaviour. I often felt like piggy in the middle as they were all younger than me . Surely his group is mature in age ? I keep out of this kind of thing but it isn’t nice and hurtful for the poor excluded lady when she eventually finds out - because she will. Good luck ! 🍀

This is very unfair. Susan sounds like the Queen Bee and the others blindly follow her afraid they could be the next one singled out.
Exclusion is bullying and and if this happened at work it would be subject to disciplinary action.
I would point this out to the Queen Bee.
I don't thing I would enjoy being part of that group. Poor Jenny.
Susan in my opion is a rotten apple and the others are the maggots who feed of her too scared of being excluded themselves as I said upthread.
Alful situation for you.

I left a group last year due to a committee member speaking to us all as if we had not one ounce of sense. Shouting, telling us we had to "buck up" with certain tasks within the hall we used. I did in fact carry out two tasks fully each week but the petulant schoolgirl just shouted at us all and highlighted one of the tasks I did as not being done. Sorry, but no way was I going to be treated like that and left. It hadn't been the first time we had been spoken to like that but no other committee member felt there was anything wrong say oh it's that's just Maude (not real name).

Once a bully always a bully. I would definitely not go along with this. I think I would just add on the group list I think Jenny should be included..then you could see the reaction of the others. Bullied often get themselves into organising roles so they can have power over things and most people let them.get on with it.please come back and let us know the outcome.

Unfortunately in my experience of social groups, there are often one or two people who exclude others. It says a lot about them rather than the unfortunate person excluded. If this happened to me, I would probably withdraw from the what’s app group, as the instigator will probably move on to a new target. Too much like being back in the school playground!

Sadly these people exsist everywhere! Walk away.

nanna8

I’d either leave the group or invite Jenny to join - just oops, your name was accidentally left off!

Or on this new group just casually mention to ALL something along the lines of oh dear it looks as if Jenny has been left off this group…anyone spoken to her? It’s likely that many others do not feel the same way as this ‘Susan’ ?
If she does all these things for Susan, there has to have been some falling out between them surely…likely money if you think she has been lent money….maybe Jenny is asking for it back….i would look into all this further before just leaving?? Particularly if you enjoy the crafting etc?

It's cruel . Is she a criminal or what! This was set up as a social, not a private, group and nobody should be cast out of a society.

This is happening to me actually. I work in a care home and I am aware that the permanent staff in the unit where I work are communicating via Watts app group, primarily for work, banter and social plans. Though I work as Bank staff , I am assigned in the unit almost exclusively. So my thinking was I be part of this group. But other than this, the ladies are nice to me and we work well as a team, although I don't get invited to birthdays of staff members and Christmas parties. And the like. The weird thing is I don't feel slighted , to me it's just a job. They can do as they please and they can leave me out for all I care.

pascal30

I would put a message on the new What's app group saying that Jenny is not on the list and can they please include her. If no-one responds positively I would leave the Whattsapp.. I can't bear non-inclusivity.. then continue attending the creativity group with Jenny and whichever members choose to turn up. You could invite other people, you don't need a whattsapp group really...

This is the right response. Susan is being horrible to Jenny and maybe some of the others are as well.

Perhaps the others don't realise and will ask the same question if you do.

I'd leave the group and just stick with the old Whatsapp group.

My other thought on that is "Has Lockdown mucked things up?". Certainly where I am it really threw the local social life up in the air - according to whether one did or didn't abide by Lockdown.

Those who did do Lockdown/get those jabs etc had a tendency to throw people out of groups if they could get away with it - despite the rest of us not throwing people out for having the opposite stance. It was pretty one-sided chucking out that has gone on in the small town I live in these days...

I think that what could have happned here is that Susan maybe asked a favour of Jenny and her husband and on this occasion for whatever reason they had to say no.Consequently Susan has been outraged and shocked at this as Jenny and DH have never ever said no to her before, thus she cuts Jenny off from the group, using her power as admin or whatever to lash back at Jenny. Do you think that could be possible Stitch ? I have known so many people who are your best friwnd but th firsat time you have to refuse them anything, you are cast as the devil's spawn !

Yes I would withdraw too because if not you are complicit in the meanness