When or where to draw a line on Birthdays 🎈

Mt61

Esmay

This year having spent a great deal on gifts before I'm reducing the amount considerably .
My children are receiving smaller gifts .
And so are my friends . I'm not explaining why .
I buy my neighbour a really expensive gift , her husband wine and each of their three girls presents .
The daughters don't even thank me .
One year, I had a Bayliss and Harding hand-wash from them .
I make jewellery occasionally and the ladies might be getting something .
To be honest , I'm fed up with the whole event .
The shops are crammed full of Christmas gifts earlier and earlier .
I vowed to serve meals to the homeless .
Now I'm having too much back and knee pain to do it , but I can help in other ways .

I started that gifting the neighbors children, Christmas & Easter, no thanks or acknowledgment. Every year I say “ going to stop it” but haven’t-I might this year since the father told me their birthdays, were such & such 😩

Esmay
After the gifting of Christmas Eve boxes that tbh I don’t even add up for final costs but per family may be anything from £50-80 depending on how many in family etc, one of my step daughters gifts us with maybe a bottle of wine & a box of chocolates. I know we don’t give to receive but to me this is a poor show . On my DH birthday 🎁 the arrival of a card with gift vouchers for £25 -£30 seems to be a token thought . He is quite ok with this but I feel it’s a shame they can’t do something other than the obligation gift voucher

Nannan2
Many thanks for your suggestions , unfortunately I am not a knitter ,I have done many of the other suggested things & am not going down the buying of individual gifts at Christmas time ,two for one or not it’s far too much expense wise .
So for Christmas I’m sticking with Christmas Eve boxes or this year bags as I hardly ever get those carefully sought after hampers & baskets returned. Despite requests.Also, they will have far less in them due to the size & ability to hold any weight . as all the children are just about pre teen or teenagers ,so no need for Christmas pjs ,socks, blankets ,quilt covers ,T-shirts, jumpers all of which I have done vet the years ,though not all at the same time .
Brings me back to birthdays in the next weeks leading up to Christmas we have between us 2Great Grandchildren’s 2nd Birthdays- 13th 14th & 11th birthdays , my daughters 52nd stepsons 28th & My grandsons partners bday ( mum of gg Daugher) limit of £20 per child £30 per adult that’s already £190 , not including any wrapping ( of which I always have plenty) cards & or balloons .
I think we will start the new year with a clear slate apart from the fact we have a couple of big “0” birthdays 🎈 only buying for under 18’s .
As I’d much rather have a meal together out or in ,a picnic in the summer any kind of get together .

I have 2 sons both married with 2 children each, I will buy birthday and Christmas presents for them until I die as there isn’t any chance I will have any more grandchildren, but I do set a price limit. My neighbour has 6 children and many grandchildren and great grandchildren so sets a £10 limit each but that has became too expensive for her and so she has decided to stop this year. Another person I worked with buys a scratch card for all the adults. When I last saw her she didn’t have any grandchildren so didn’t have that problem.

We spend far too much but can't find it in my heart to cut down. I give £200 to AC for Bday and Xmas, £150 to DIL and £120 each on 5 GC. That's a total of around 2k. Crazy really!

I have tended to have formula of four small gifts for closer family. "Something you want, sthg you need, something to eat, something to read". You can literally reduce the cost to very affordable (for example: to read: second hand book or magazine) but its a nice way to show you know their quirks. It helps me anyway x

I have cut right back on gift giving at Christmas, just to immediate family, and that is usually practical stuff in recyclable paper. The rest of what I would have spent, I send to the local animal shelter for them to buy food, toys, and pay for medical treatment for the pussy cats.

Myself and Sil's decided to stop giving each other gifts many years ago, the annual hunt for something got to be a chore. I only exchange birthday cards with one and her hubby.
We gave to each others children up until they were 18, and I never started giving to their children when they eventually had them.
My eldest son and his children are not in contact with us, apart from once with him about an inheritance, haven't been since 2009.
Myself and other half don't give each other gifts, so now the only person I buy for is my youngest son.

I have cut right down on cards, only post to a couple old school friends and about half a dozen hand delivered.

Would never of thought to give to gifts to neighbours or friends.

I stopped buying presents for nieces and nephews when they started work, though I buy presents for their children.

I've always sent cards, birthdays and Christmas, but now stamps have gone up again, I'm thinking of only sending cards to those who I hear from.

My children/partners/grandchild get presents, but my family is nowhere near as extensive as NanaTuesday's!

Mt61
It's very difficult the first time that you stop the gift giving , but I've been fed up about the lack of an acknowledgement .
I'll continue to give wine to the hubby and I've already bought an on sale gift for my neighbour .
It's nice , but it's a quarter of the price that I normally spend . I very rarely get thanked for gifts sent three times a year to my children and grandchildren .
Sometimes , I don't know if they've actually received them .

What is the point ?

I'd rather give money to the homeless shelter organised by the Reform church in the big town where I shop .
The church does amazing work .
I'd attend if it wasn't such a hike on a Sunday morning !
I rush to my own nearest church .

I used to get so excited over Christmas and frustrated with my Christmas hating parents .
Now I just feel increasingly disillusioned .

Mt61 - I understand that not everyone can afford to be so generous. Believe me, I’m not rich by any means, but I’d rather give most of my money away now, than after I have gone. I have already told them not to expect a large inheritance, because they are receiving most of it now 😂

I don’t understand the ‘I stop at 18 or 21’ they are always your children and grandchildren they don’t stop at 18 I don’t have any siblings so only (ex) in law children and I ve never bought for them
So I give presents ( or money ) for Christmas and birthdays until I die, why wouldn’t I ?
I dislike the commercial Christmas and can’t wait for it to be over

I think the best present ever, is giving someone your time- every one is in such a rush these days, too busy & before you know, life has passed you by

Even if the financial side isn’t a problem, it is still an issue, as nobody in our family needs anything, or if they do, would rather choose it themselves and can afford to do so. None of us wants any more ‘stuff’. My son and his wife have always been over-generous, and would not welcome anything that would only and up in a charity shop, and nor would I, so nowadays I have no idea what to buy for anyone, but it seems mean to stop giving.

Esmay

This year having spent a great deal on gifts before I'm reducing the amount considerably .
My children are receiving smaller gifts .
And so are my friends . I'm not explaining why .
I buy my neighbour a really expensive gift , her husband wine and each of their three girls presents .
The daughters don't even thank me .
One year, I had a Bayliss and Harding hand-wash from them .
I make jewellery occasionally and the ladies might be getting something .
To be honest , I'm fed up with the whole event .
The shops are crammed full of Christmas gifts earlier and earlier .
I vowed to serve meals to the homeless .
Now I'm having too much back and knee pain to do it , but I can help in other ways .

I started that gifting the neighbors children, Christmas & Easter, no thanks or acknowledgment. Every year I say “ going to stop it” but haven’t-I might this year since the father told me their birthdays, were such & such 😩

crazyH

I have always been generous and I don’t intend to stop now. What do we need money for, at our age? I am not rich but I have enough. I am divorced. I have some savings.
I spend about £200 (by way of cash or gifts) - per Birthday and Xmas, a total of about £4400 a year for 5 Adults and 6 GC. My needs are less as I get older. Food and heat are my main expenses. I don’t go for big holidays unless my children invite me to join them.

Some of us are on a very tight budget- apart from one niece, who is very kind with her time,bother's to pick up the phone, to send cards, I’ll always help her out. The nephews never pick up the phone, I never receive a thanks for gifts or money sent, I am afraid they can all just get on with it 😣

We don’t buy for any adults or ‘children’ once they leave full time education. The only exception is one adult with SEN who is sadly still a child.
Very liberating. We do spend time together though, usually for a meal out or family BBQ , birthday tea etc.

Cut out the adults and depending on ages of the GC, GGC reduce them too eg over 18. Just send a card to those not receiving a gift. At least that way, you are acknowledging the special day.

Gingerrice

I'm surprised no one mentioned 'alternative gift' for the adults eg plant a tree ( TreeAid.org) or buy a goat -there's masses of choice with various charities (Good gifts is another one) and it solves a few problems of not adding to landfill!!!

I did this for my mum after she moved into a sheltered bedsit. I didn't know what to get her as she had as many plants as she could fit in the room and didn't need any 'stuff'. I told her what I was doing, and intended giving her a small homemade edible gift, but in the end she was admitted to hospital and never came out. After she died we had to decide what to do with the un-opened presents, most of which were unlabelled so couldn't be returned to the giver! I was really glad I'd given a charity gift to one of her favourite charities.

I buy for very few now as our family always stopped at 18 for nieces and nephews etc. so it's just DD, DS, DiL and 2 GC plus a neice and a nephew who both live abroad so it has to be something easy to post. My brother suggested stopping a few years ago as we were simply exchanging cheques!
DiL's family do a family secret santa at christmas as there are a lot of them and they are a very close family, but mine have never been as close so it has just been cards for a long time now. I'm not sorry to not have the panic buying on Christmas eve! I consult DiL for what to get for the GC and just bought a gift for 4 year old GS jointly with DD as there was something a bit more expensive she wanted for him. I see no benefit in buying stuff that may be duplicated or just not appreciated. I guess it will be monetary gifts when they get older. I still love seeing them enjoying the things I've bought, such as my little GD pushing her doll in the buggy I got her for her birthday, as well as sitting in it herself!

3 children 9GC and 8 GGC (so far) plus various partners. Now after chatting with them I now only buy for the GGC all under 10 and 2 youngest GC it was becoming impossible to afford and choose gifts for so many. Its a relief and although I feel bad but no one minds.

I used to be quite indulgent when GC were small. Now I live a plane journey away. When they were younger I bought books and then when I visited took them on a day out. Now they are teenagers/young adults they don't seem to acknowledge family birthdays so now I just take them for meals, theatre etc when I see them.
My daughter still sends very thoughtful presents, so I do the same. My son hasn't sent cards or presents for years, some years I'll get a text.

I give money to grandchildren (6) on birthdays, and don’t know when, or if, I’ll stop. I also give to my children and in law children on birthdays, so 12 in all.
Christmas is cash and a token gift for grandchildren only. I don’t think I will stop giving to any of these, unless I live so long that my grandchildren marry and have loads of children!
I’d say if you are going to call a halt to giving, then make the announcement far enough away from Christmas or birthdays, in case anybody’s counting on it!

My DH and I have 17 nieces and nephews between us. We send a birthday and Xmas greetings on their Instagram or Facebook accounts and stopped giving them a gift when they left education whether that be 16, 18 or 21. I do occasionally buy one or other of them a meal out if they attend. I did help out 2 nieces with a standing order gift every month during their University years because I knew my younger siblings had very limited funds and I could afford to help them out. I gift generously to my 3 DC, foster child, their partners and to my 2 DGC for both birthdays and Xmas. If I was struggling financially I would cut back.

I'm surprised no one mentioned 'alternative gift' for the adults eg plant a tree ( TreeAid.org) or buy a goat -there's masses of choice with various charities (Good gifts is another one) and it solves a few problems of not adding to landfill!!!

We have two children with partners and 6 grandchildren ranging from 11- 24.Each of them gets £30 on birthdays. I do go a bit silly at Christmas time and the grandchildren get £100 each and two small pressies -just for them to have something to open. My dad gives me £200 and i have to share that out between us all, so hubby & I never take our share. A work colleague and all her family spend a set amount of £60 and do a secret Santa, so everyone only has to buy one gift.