When or where to draw a line on Birthdays 🎈

Do what you can afford and what you like to do.

Many stop at 18 or 21, we have 5 AC and still buy for them and their partners and just the one grandchild.

@nanatuesday you are buying a lot, if you have the funds and don’t mind putting in the effort that is fine but if not suggest to your sons and daughters and GCs etc., that from now on only special birthdays will get a present, as the other poster suggested. You can still send a lovely card, perhaps a photo card ordered online, with special wishes inside. Or maybe bake a cake for the special day or just give a bunch of flowers - though these can be expensive.
All the best xx

You could suggest each family does a secret Santa where you only need to buy one present, although I like your Christmas box idea. I think you have a large number to buy for outwith that, so cutting it to big birthdays sounds fine. One of my aunts stopped buying any presents once the recipient turned 16. Noone went in a huff, it was understood.

I announced back in the 1970s that I would no longer be buying gifts or cards and did not wish or expect to recieve any. It took a couple of years to get the message fully across because family members tried to "guilt" me but I stuck to my decision. It saves so much hassle and needless expense buying tat.

If you want to cut down why not impose some limit, such as buying only for your own immediate grandchildren under the age of X. Cut out the cousins, nieces and nephews. Adults over 18 should understand that you have a budget.

I know the feeling.
Though essentially have half of all that.

I do a £15 budget for everyone, for birthdays.
Everyone seems happy with that.

Christmas is trickier.
I have been doing about £25 for kids and £50 for adults.
Two of the families have asked me[and others] to cut down on Christmas.
They say their kids have plenty. And if they have less, they appreciate it more. Fair enough.

I like to be fair in what I share out.
One of the families, is struggling more than the others.
Have not quite worked out how I am going to deal with that.

We set a limit on £25 per grandchild (7 of them) at Christmas. I think over 18 too old to give money to, so it's often a book each or kitchen utensil for the ones in student flats etc. Make a bit more of an effort for their birthdays. £25 also for sons-in-law but only cards for their birthdays 😢. A bit more for own DDs but not ostentatiously so. We've never gone in for Christmas Eve boxes thank goodness, tho when the DDs were children I used to get them new pyjamas to wear on C Eve and I think they so the same with the DGCs.

I’ve stopped birthday money/gifts for all family now except for significant birthdays of close family members. We also no longer buy Xmas gifts for the majority, having come to an agreement about it some years ago. It’s become far too expensive, family continues to expand so it’s necessary to draw a line, plus, many of these family members are not seen from one year to the next (not due to falling out, by the way, just circumstances). It saves a lot of worry and expense for all concerned.

This year having spent a great deal on gifts before I'm reducing the amount considerably .
My children are receiving smaller gifts .
And so are my friends . I'm not explaining why .
I buy my neighbour a really expensive gift , her husband wine and each of their three girls presents .
The daughters don't even thank me .
One year, I had a Bayliss and Harding hand-wash from them .
I make jewellery occasionally and the ladies might be getting something .
To be honest , I'm fed up with the whole event .
The shops are crammed full of Christmas gifts earlier and earlier .
I vowed to serve meals to the homeless .
Now I'm having too much back and knee pain to do it , but I can help in other ways .

I have 8 grandchildren and I too understand the birthday/Christmas dilemma. One family has more money than the other family so I'm whittling things down these days. Books are my 'go to' presents and perhaps a small amount of money for the piggybank.
The other family doesn't have so much. These grandchildren range from 11, the teens and 20 so they like to receive money - the eldest is getting married next year so that needs to be taken into consideration!!!!
I want them to have something to open but overall I find Christmas presents quite difficult

Adult children receive a birthday card only, unless it's a significant birthday, ie a 40th.
Grandchildren, we decided, receive a card and a gift until they are 18, after this just a card.
This was all agreed years ago when adult children left to get married.

I have always been generous and I don’t intend to stop now. What do we need money for, at our age? I am not rich but I have enough. I am divorced. I have some savings.
I spend about £200 (by way of cash or gifts) - per Birthday and Xmas, a total of about £4400 a year for 5 Adults and 6 GC. My needs are less as I get older. Food and heat are my main expenses. I don’t go for big holidays unless my children invite me to join them.

...On the same subject Christmas time I do a Christmas Eve box for each family x

When did Christmas Eve presents become a thing?

Will we eventually be buying a 'box' to be opened on the day before Christmas Eve?

A percentage of all these gifts will end up at the back of a cupboard or in landfill.

I'm not one of the "we-were-happy-with-an-orange-in-a-stocking-on-Christmas-day" brigade, but I do think maybe we need less stuff. Gifting an item that you know someone really wants or needs is one thing, but adding more and more things to the 'stocking' for the sake of - well, what?

I could fill a fairly large box with items that I've been gifted over the years by well-meaning friends and family; ornaments that are 'cute', scarves which I never wear - a book which the person who gave it to me enjoyed so much which bored me after 3 pages, 'useful' kitchen tools which turned out to be anything but and now sit at the back of the cupboard...

I've told my family not to buy me anything at all, and to earmark that money for their own children or spouses, which would give me more pleasure. I'm fortunate to be able to buy what I want or need (within reason) and am becoming panicky at the amount of stuff in my house that I know - now that I'm in my 80s - someone else will have to get rid of if I don't one day.

Whatever you feel comfortable giving for your immediate family for birthdays as they don’t usually come all at once. I would leave out cousins nephews nieces it is too much expense. They have their own immediate families to receive gifts from.

For each family sons daughters etc I would make a Christmas hamper up you get gift baskets from B&M etc. It will be an end for you laying out lots of cash and you might just enjoy making up the hampers. Christmas Eve box I suggest that you tell your family it is too much I am sure they will understand.

You could do a big shop to buy tinned ham salmon jars of chutney jams etc packs of crackers mince pies (all well dated). Include usual goodies nuts and chocolate selection packs or treats all identical. You can even buy gluten free and dried vegan food in packs now the choice is endless. I made up a hamper for a friend who is coeliac she was delighted I had made an effort to suit her diet.

Our friend buys us a little hamper at Christmas and it is most welcome in the miserable weeks after the holiday. It covers everything and it’s a lovely gift to share for families as these extra additions at Christmas do run up the bills.

Draw the line when they are old enough to say ‘Thank you’ and don’t

My two teenage grandsons have money in Trust for when they reach age 18 - I shall add to that this Christmas, and that will give me great pleasure.

I asked the older grandchild what he intended to do with the money - he lives abroad - his intention is to use the money to return to the UK and become an MP .

The younger one intends to build his own house - out of Lego bricks .

When our children were younger we bought friends with children a family board game, when they got older we bought a box of posher crackers, older still luxury biscuits or shortbread, until the ‘children’ left home and we all stopped.

Just buy small token gifts for the kids, a special present for 18 & 21st - cut off at 21. I wouldn’t do the adults who have children.
I have a sibling with 4 grown up sons, now married with kids- it was getting far too stressful for me to buy for them all.
I bit the bullet last & told my sibling I wouldn’t be buying Christmas presents I couldn’t afford it ( they btw are loaded- kids have really jobs).
My aunt stopped buying for me after 18, I don’t love her any the less because of it.

biglouis

I announced back in the 1970s that I would no longer be buying gifts or cards and did not wish or expect to recieve any. It took a couple of years to get the message fully across because family members tried to "guilt" me but I stuck to my decision. It saves so much hassle and needless expense buying tat.

If you want to cut down why not impose some limit, such as buying only for your own immediate grandchildren under the age of X. Cut out the cousins, nieces and nephews. Adults over 18 should understand that you have a budget.

Big Louis,
Oh I never said I buy for cousins ,nieces & nephews..phew that would be a hefty one I come from a large family & have at least 16 nieces& nephews plus 2 godsons & 8 siblings … not happening !
The most that happens is big birthdays & birth of a baby 🙏

Dickens

My two teenage grandsons have money in Trust for when they reach age 18 - I shall add to that this Christmas, and that will give me great pleasure.

I asked the older grandchild what he intended to do with the money - he lives abroad - his intention is to use the money to return to the UK and become an MP .

The younger one intends to build his own house - out of Lego bricks .

Wow ,that’s fantastic , well done to your GS

Secret Santa for adults at Christmas or just stop giving gifts for over 18s, or 21s if they are still in education?
Or buy a box of posh biscuits, chocolates or wine for each couple and just buy presents for the children.

That sounds a lot to buy presents for!

I (we) buy for all AC, partners, GC also my sister, brother-in-law and nieces.

Christmas, Birthdays and a little something for Easter.

It’s up to the individual and their budgets.

Babs03

@nanatuesday you are buying a lot, if you have the funds and don’t mind putting in the effort that is fine but if not suggest to your sons and daughters and GCs etc., that from now on only special birthdays will get a present, as the other poster suggested. You can still send a lovely card, perhaps a photo card ordered online, with special wishes inside. Or maybe bake a cake for the special day or just give a bunch of flowers - though these can be expensive.
All the best xx

Babs03,
Thanks for the input , however I do exactly that with my own side of the family, picture birthday cards ,I also do bake a cake as & when if we are meeting etc & always a birthday balloon or flowers .
It sounds like I go all out with gifts adding these to the mix. I do £20 in a card ( well actually it’s more than likely popped in with the sweets etc - so hidden ).
Added to the balloons & wrapped prettily it all looks more than it is .

I agree with GG13 that it’s down to individual choice and budget.
However, like crazyH I am generous to those I do buy for.

Allira

Secret Santa for adults at Christmas or just stop giving gifts for over 18s, or 21s if they are still in education?
Or buy a box of posh biscuits, chocolates or wine for each couple and just buy presents for the children.

That sounds a lot to buy presents for!

Allira
Yes, we have done secret Santa that was our thing before the GC came along & started when my DD was at University,she is now 49😘 That worked well enough with a limit of £30 each at the time or if a couple we’d double it up one year DDx1 wanted a set of prints for the home .
The Christmas Eve boxes now take place of SS & include the items you have mentioned . They also used to include homemade Christmas cookie jar mixes with cutters & handwritten Recipes .Christmas PJs or fleece blankets. Christmas Duvet covers,Chris jumpers . Obviously not all of these at the same time ,just an idea of the things I included over the years once GC were of an age , I am sure you get the idea I /we have once or twice been the recipients of a Christmas Eve box & it was lovely.
This year , I have already decided to rein in on these boxes ,the GGC all under 3 years will still get a little something possibly a Christmas book 📕
Yes, TBH is is a lot , which is why at Christmas there are no individual gifts on either side of the family . It takes the stress out of the “ what to buy” also there was a few years where we all would go to a Panto which was my gift to GC - Covid seemed to put paid to that & now the GC are older getting everyone in one place at the same time is sometimes a bit of a faff .