Who do you turn to?

I'm friendly with my neighbours but not sure I could or would turn to them.
Apart from my family I don't really feel close to anyone else. And I increasingly feel that I'm becoming a nuisance to my loved ones. I feel just a waste of space really.

As my late DH worked away from home, I’ve always relied on a list of reliable Tradespeople. Once retired, DH could do the odd job, but usually unwillingly and not always to plan.
So, on my own now, it’s very much back to GAMI - Get a Man In.

I have a group of close knit friends, one has a handy husband, another a very useful son, but several of us make use of the same Tradespeople - by word of mouth recommendation.

I have no family, friends all live 4 to 5 hours away. Neighbours live in their own little bubbles. I often wonder what I will do if I need help.

I would be completely stuck. I have lived in the area all my life but folks from my past have moved away/lost touch. I'm involved with several local organisations but never really made friends. DH seems not to need "friends" as such, being happy with his own company and little hobbies. Our road has just 9 houses and I don't even known the names of those at three of them. The other 5 are all pensioners but we rarely see them or speak to them except a few minutes if we are out in the front garden. I watch my elderly neighbour across the road going out with her friends almost daily, with frequent visitors and wonder why I (we) have none. She isn't even a particularly pleasant woman.

All that said, I believe people regard me highly. We do try to socialise in general and usually enjoy ourselves, and others seem to enjoy our company. I've often been told by others that I would be top of their list to ask if they needed help themselves.

I can't think of anyone I could ask for help if needed. I've been having gruelling cancer treatment all this year and apart from my DDs only two of the many people that I know have even phoned to ask how I am.

It's all quite worrying really if I should be left a widow.

If the question is about practical help I have a local "odd job" man who I can ask to do outside jobs or heavy stuff that's beyond me. Otherwise I have to pay for plumbers, electricians and everything in between. I still have a car and drive but if I am unable to, such as for my recent colonoscopy, I book taxis. I have one long time woman neighbour who would give me a lift for a short journey if push really came to shove.

boheminan

I live alone and sometimes really need someone, anyone, just to talk to. For me it helps to come here and join in a thread.

Once when very depressed I called Samaritans, they're there 24hrs a day and they saved my life. That's about it really...

You are not alone, you have friends on here, as has been said PM anytime, I sometimes can't get to sleep so you can PM late as you like.
I spoke to the Samaritans when an estrangement from our daughter caused me to have a complete breakdown and I was having some really dark unhealthy thoughts. They were so helpful and kind.
They are now my chosen charity.
Anyway like I said, anytime.
Take care of yourself.
xxxxxxxxx

I have a dear friend who is 400 miles away but we support each other through whatever trials come our way.

I do get very depressed at times, but tend not to burden her with my deepest sadnesses. I have rung the Samaritans and found them so very helpful. It has to be really bad for me to ring them.

Reaching out is the key I think.

Best thing I did after my husband died was get a dog. She makes me exercise by walking in the local park and I have made some lovely friends. I live close to both my AC but they have busy lives but I know they would help if I needed it. Sometimes you just need some human company, especially in the evening.

My daughter and 2 sons live about 5 miles from me. My daughter is no good in a crisis, She’s very good at inviting me over for meals, shopping etc - the boys and their families live their own lives - I see them as often as work and school activities permit The ds.i.l. are very close to their mums so I don’t get a look in. That’s ok.
Fortunately, I am self-sufficient - I drive, have good friends and neighbours.
boheminan - years ago, one desperate night, when my husband (now ex) was having his affair and I was alone with my youngest, I called the Samaritans. They were so good - kept talking to me. I think they were relieved when told them my son was sleeping upstairs. I guess they felt that I wasn’t that desperate that I would leave my young son without a mother. And I wouldn’t have.
There are lots of caring and understanding people here. Feel free to open up or send us a PM. Don’t feel you are alone.

You are absolutely right Cabbie21 we need to have plans in place for those times when we urgently need help and may not be as independent as we think.

I was on my own with young children for a few years before I met MrJ, good friends helped me with various issues. My children are now adults and live locally, but we still have that great group of friends, just all a little older now!

I asked this because a friend needed help which I was unable to give. Fortunately another friend was available.
It is all very well saying how independent we are but sometimes there are times when we urgently and seriously might need help. We need to have a Plan A, B and C.

I am so blessed I have lovely family close by and dear friends - I lost my turn to 4 months ago, my D H ❤️

I have DP and both my AC live nearby, also my Mum, but I’m the one helping all of them usually 😄of course if I did need help then they’d all chip in.

GrannySomerset

Neither of my DC live within a hundred miles so I have to be self sufficient though I am very grateful for helpful neighbours, two of whom sorted out my cow damaged rear fence yesterday. On the whole, though, I pay. At least living in a village there is usually someone fairly local to tackle most jobs.

I tend to speed read posts and read yours as ‘cow damaged rear’😲then went back to read it properly, the difference a word makes.

This question has been bothering me during most of this first year of my widowhood.

I have three good friends I can ask for help, should I need it, and probably the nearest four neighbours would also help - if I can bring myself to ask! Big if.

We have a Senior Citizens' association that provides free help with small repairs, offers a morning phone call daily to make sure you are all right. Look into if there is something similar where you are.

I have to rely on myself really. One son in Australia, one down south where I couldn’t afford to buy when I moved from my former, rather remote residence. I wouldn’t bother them unless there was an extreme crisis.
I live on a new estate of young couples and families. The two middle-aged households I got friendly with have moved away, I wouldn’t like to bother the others with their busy lives and not being about in the day.
I keep my mobile about me and hope I’d be in a state to use it if necessary.

When yiou choose to live alone then you choose to be independent and self sufficient. I sometimes talk things over with my nephew. People dont get trust from me. They earn it.

We are so blessed, great friends (not many, but very reliable), reasonable neighbours and 5 AC, 3 of whom still live at home, oh and 1 naughty cocker spaniel and 3 even naughtier mini sausage dogs.

Happy to receive PMs if anyone needs to chat

boheminan

I live alone and sometimes really need someone, anyone, just to talk to. For me it helps to come here and join in a thread.

Once when very depressed I called Samaritans, they're there 24hrs a day and they saved my life. That's about it really...

PM me if you ever need a rant/chat/shoulder to cry on

Get a dog. You would be surprised how many people speak to you when you are walking the pooch. They are also great company,. welcome you home if you have been out and you get a great reception first thing in the morning. It's another heartbeat in the house.

Nope.
Nobody springs to mind, as they live too far, although willing, or live close but are not so willing.

Talk is cheap, I've found.

My family don`t live nearby, the nearest is an hour away and she has patients to deal with so would not be able to down tools, another dd is 2 hours away in Wales and my ds is in Scotland, I live in s somerset. They would sort me out, if needed but it would not be instant

I look after myself, am hale and hearty and fit for my age, also very self-reliant, self-contained and knowledgeable about my own health.

The thought of `what if` does not concern me, if it did I would not eg go cycling along busy roads or up steep hills. Prevention is a better way for me, holding a hand rail on the stairs is one example as is taking a shower rather than a bath, being careful with sharp knives, watching out for trip hazards. Prevention of muscle weakness too, very important

After a major operation in August, both my AC came and stayed to look after me for 2 weeks. They were able to "work from home", as both live more than 2 hours away. Then DS put in place a private care package.
Meanwhile I have also been visited frequently by kind neighbours.
I know I am lucky, but it's been tough recovering from this on my own, and the coast is not clear yet.
DH had me to look after him when he was ill, but in a way I'm glad he doesn't have to see me going through the tough and uncertain recovery.

I had an accident about a month ago and hurt myself quite badly. I wondered what would happen if I ever needed help but my son came and stayed with me for almost a week and I had help and offers of help from friends and neighbours too.
My children all live a distance away apart from one son.
I hate needing help but was so grateful for the care I was given.