Who do you turn to?

Thank you Grammaretto. I'm trying to overcome these negative feelings at present.
I'm lucky compared to you, CBBL. Most of my family are within a few miles. You do sound isolated, so it's good that you are resourceful. Best wishes.

I live alone, and have no friends or relatives living close to me. I have no children. I can message or phone friends or cousins - but they could not get to me without several hours of travel. However both they and myself are fairly resourceful and would organise something in an emergency.

I can relate to you luckygirl
I miss him .
However, you just get on with it don't you.

I have a lodger and I hope we would help eachother in a dire emergency.

I've lived in this small Scottish town for over 40years so I know a lot of people. I also belong to several groups which keep me busy.

My church, U3A , art association and the 2 community ventures where I volunteer each week are my main social life. During lockdown and when DH was shielded, the community store delivered us food and necessities.

People were really kind to us.
My DC are rather scattered so we don't see eachother regularly but I can call on them if needed.

Henetha you shouldn't feel like that.
Remember that people like to feel useful and it gives them pleasure to be needed. Truly.

Them being Son and DIL

I moved 50 miles to be nearer my Son sometime after my Husband died. Son asked me to, as he thought it would be difficult to help if I were ill, or needed to get to appointments .
It has worked out OK and I get to see them most days.

I have DH so we help each other and one daughter 10 mins away and another an hour and a half away. At the moment we are the ones they turn to.

Luckygirl3
‘But what no one can replace is the day to day presence of another human being - one for whom you are the centre of their lives and with whom you have shared countless important experiences. Someone to bring you a cup of tea, to ask how you are feeling, to share cryptic comments about rubbish TV programmes, to plan the next meal and the next holiday with, to chat over the washing up, to hold hands with .........I have lots of people who love me, but the impact of me dying would hurt for a while, then they would soon move on. It is a very different experience from being part of a close couple - I feel adrift. But you have to "suck it up" as they say - what else can you do?’
Just how I feel most days despite my youngest daughter and family living 5 minutes away. She is amazing and has done so much for me since the Big Op, but no amount of family care and love replaces being the centre of someone’s life. Being unconditionally loved, first by parents and then the husband is something of the past and I miss it, so much.

I'm 59, never married, no kids by choice and live alone, I have absolutely no family of any sort so am completely alone and that's how I prefer it, I work full-time ... I'm back to work on the 28th October after 3 week off because of a bug ... and I drive and am totally independent but I have got a couple of really good neighbours who have agreed to help in emergences and I'll help them, both have spare keys to my house just in case. I've got plans 1 2 and 3!

I estimate that I spend 90% of my time alone. My DH is in a care home and friends/neighbours have either died, moved or go to work.

I live in a very cliquey village who do not need or want newbies. We have helped others before, but no one seems to care now. I think the pandemic changed a lot of things for me.

My only salvation is being able to drive, but going to places on my own is not great so I do not bother except for the necessities.

I have joined groups in the past, but have not made any friends there.

I do worry about who to call upon and wonder how long it would take before anyone realised I was not up and about. It is very depressing.

Thank you so much, blue14. But I do feel useless these days. I liked it when I could work, or volunteer, or be a hands on Nan to my 4 grandchildren who are all grown up now. I can't do anything much now due to mobility issues. And I loathe this time of year. Please excuse me, I'm just in a bad place at the moment and feeling sorry for myself. I will try and count my blessings and pull myself together.

Oh henetha! No - no one is a waste of space.

If your family knew this is what you were thinking they'd certainly tell you the same and take that feeling away from you.
I feel so sad for you after reading your post.
There are so many kind people on here so do reach out to them - might help you to feel better.

I am not on my own, DH is with me, and DD lives five minutes away and is 100% reliable in an emergency. DS is five hours away but would drop everything if needed. We also, thanks to DH, have a very support group of “handymen” of all sorts and some neighbours were very supportive during the lockdowns etc. I feel so very fortunate having read some of these posts and want to say, with others, please PM me at any time if a chat would help.
Biglouis not everybody chooses to be alone …

Oop! I missed out ‘remarks’, silly me 😊

This thread has highlighted how vulnerable some people feel, something to consider when making unkind on other threads.
I am blessed with my DH and family near, although it may not always be like this.
💐 to all who are feeling lonely.

Yes Cabbie, I thought you were talking more about the practical stuff. I don't have anyone to come and rescue me in emergencies. If all my lights fused I'd have to call an electrician and sit in darkness until they arrived. If I had regular hospital appointments I'd have to book taxis or investigate a community or hospital transport scheme (if such a thing exists). I have been stranded on my own on several occasions with a broken down car and waited hours for the AA to arrive. I'm a widow now but my DH was not a particularly "handy" man. He couldn't drive and knew nothing about electricity, plumbing or anything technical so for many years I've been used to calling out tradesmen for most things, or doing whatever I could myself. As for broken bones and being unable to move, I'd have to try and call 999.

I am on my own. I have 3 DDs, two nearby and one further away. I have someone to help with the housework once and fortnight and she is great. Someone also helps with the garden - but only when he gets around to it! I pay for these rather than ask anyone in my family to take time out of their busy lives.

Smaller one-off jobs are a challenge - someone to clear the guttering/cut the hedges etc. The jobs are too small to be attractive to anyone, but I usually find a way.

Emotional support - I try and avoid loading on my DDs - they are all hitting the menopause and have problems of their own - but I know they are there for me if needs be.

The really good thing is that I belong to a group of local women (we name ourselves after a famous girl band!) with whom I join in activities for the benefit of the village - organizing coffee mornings, Xmas fun for the chidlren, summer fetes etc. etc. and raising money for local causes. And we have the odd outing for ourselves too - garden visits, meal out etc.. We have a Whatsapp group and are always chatting on there; and I know that if I was in a fix I only have to post on there and someone would be round like a shot.

I too have used Samaritans in some of the desperate moments after OH died when I did not want to add to the DDs' grief. They are very good - they listened.

But what no one can replace is the day to day presence of another human being - one for whom you are the centre of their lives and with whom you have shared countless important experiences. Someone to bring you a cup of tea, to ask how you are feeling, to share cryptic comments about rubbish TV programmes, to plan the next meal and the next holiday with, to chat over the washing up, to hold hands with .........I have lots of people who love me, but the impact of me dying would hurt for a while, then they would soon move on. It is a very different experience from being part of a close couple - I feel adrift. But you have to "suck it up" as they say - what else can you do?

two years ago i had got to the point of ending it all, i have family but i could not tell them, i had seen adverts for a scottish charity called breathing space, it was a free phone number and they were really helpful, nothing personal just talking.

My situation is very similar to GrandMattie’s

I moved to be near to DD and her family after my elder DD and DH died.
I like to be as independent as I possibly can and only ask for help when I absolutely have to although I know they would do anything for me.

My neighbours are friendly but all elderly and now even my little dog is showing her age!

I had a serious health scare earlier this year and it made me realise just how much pressure it would put on my family had I not been very lucky with my diagnosis. It’s something that worries me.

Cabbie21

The sort of thing I had in mind was if you have fallen, maybe broken a bone and can’t move, who would you ring, apart from 999? If you need to get to a GP/ clinic/ hospital appointment urgently and can’t drive or use public transport, or if you are discharged in the middle of the night, or if all your lights fuse one evening, or you come home to find you’ve been burgled, or your car breaks down and you are stranded.
Yes, in some circumstances a taxi is the answer, and given time, paid help can be arranged. But don’t we all need a friend, a good neighbour?

I think there are more people that need one, than those that have one, sadly.

It's so easy to lose touch, or to find you have too little time, or energy, or that your life is very far removed from your friends path...

There’s a difference between a physical injury, an accident, etc and an emotional crisis. When I’ve had a fall my lovely neighbours were brilliant.

The sort of thing I had in mind was if you have fallen, maybe broken a bone and can’t move, who would you ring, apart from 999? If you need to get to a GP/ clinic/ hospital appointment urgently and can’t drive or use public transport, or if you are discharged in the middle of the night, or if all your lights fuse one evening, or you come home to find you’ve been burgled, or your car breaks down and you are stranded.
Yes, in some circumstances a taxi is the answer, and given time, paid help can be arranged. But don’t we all need a friend, a good neighbour?

I go it alone. I don’t feel others should have to carry my burden. Never have been able. It’s how I coped as a child. Just get on with it, things will look better in the morning.

I am fortunate that my family live fairly close and would rally round. DD did drop everything when I needed to be rescued from a broken down car a while ago.

Plan A would not be to call on them though as they are busy with work and children. I have a list of tried and trusted people to sort out house issues I can’t manage, home delivery set up for food if need be. When DH is away I make sure my phone is on my person as much as possible so I can be ‘tracked’.
We get on well with our neighbours and we all look out for each other but we are not on ‘popping in’ terms and none of us wants to be (apart from one who I won’t allow over the threshold on the grounds that once I did it would be a daily event!).

Bohemian 💐

My good friends they have my back and I know I can rely on them as they can me. None of them live far away and we all have supported each other in times difficult to deal with.