How do you cope when your children move away?

silverlining48

You will stop crying sssd, you will be fine, but not yet. It’s early days so Nothing wrong with being upset. It takes time to accept but you will. Try to plan a few things to look forward to, a day out, meet a friend, a good walk. I know how you feel.

Very well said silverlining48!!

You will stop crying sssd, you will be fine, but not yet. It’s early days so Nothing wrong with being upset. It takes time to accept but you will. Try to plan a few things to look forward to, a day out, meet a friend, a good walk. I know how you feel.

I brought my DC to be independent, at eleven they went off to school in another city. As a teenager DD travelled to London to the Royal academy of music on her own.
When DC went off to university I did not expect them to return to the family home and they didn't.
DD lives and works abroad but I do see her several times a year.
DS went to university in the south and remained there for ten years but now lives much closer to me.
I am just so happy that DC were well educated and have good employment.
You just need to think about the positives and how proud you are of your DC's achievements.

I just wish i could stop crying.

Thank you all. I know time is a healer. I remember when my mum died, i thought id never get over it. But i did. I know this isn't a bereavement but it feels similar. I didn't expect it to feel so bad.

Ah, I see Grandma70s has made a similar argument.

I don't think it's about 'sense', Sssd, so much as expectation. I think the emotional payback of your estrangement from your siblings perhaps makes you worry about 'losing' your children.

I always expected my kids to move away. Why? Because I and all my four siblings did. Because my parents and their siblings did. Even because at least two and probably three of my grandparents did.

So to me the idea that one would stay in the area where one grew up was never an expectation. The expectation was that education and experience widened one's physical as well as mental horizons.

I guess we were brought up to expect to want to spread our wings. I certainly did and I don't think my parents thought it at all strange. I don't remember feeling any sadness when my kids went on their way further afield. I was just pleased they felt confident to set off on their own at nineteen, eighteen and seventeen respectively.

No empty nest syndrome for me, just more space soon filled up with mine and MrB's paraphernalia.

Emotionally we still stayed, and stay, close to our offspring while accepting the distance, both physical and mental, that their natural maturing naturally entails.

Success to your kids, Sssd! And I hope all goes well with you too. Allow time for this change to settle. Wishing you well.

I never expected my children to live near me. I expected them to spread their wings - that’s how I brought them up. They both live the other end of the country. One is very chatty and rings me every day, one isn’t - and unfortunately he is the one with children,, so I don’t see my grandchildren very often. I still feel I know them pretty well, though.

It’s a lot about expectations, isn’t it? If you expected them to live near you, it will be difficult for you if they don’t. I think I would mind if mine lived in another country, although obviously they have every right to.

I know that sadness. I was the same when my 2 left for university. I dreaded they might never move back again. I felt lost and as if I had died inside. Twenty years on and one of them is near me with my grandchild. I couldn’t have imagined that. The other one is a long way away. It’s never the same but circumstances change and it’s possible one or both may return. Sons are invariably not communicative so I suggest you keep up the contact. This is what I did with my son and it worked. I told him how much I missed him. Not trying to make him feel guilty but to let him know how much I loved him. You don’t say how old your sons are but you may have grandchildren one day and you will be very much needed. There is no easy answer and we women definitely feel this loss more than men do. But you haven’t lost them and you never will.

Just seen your second post Although it wonderful if we have a chatty child it often isn’t so and we can’t know all that goes on in their lives and neither should we.
Don’t dwell on him being away, celebrate you have brought up two children who have the confidence to branch out on their own and have good jobs /careers. Life never or rarely turns out how we dream…. I imagined growing old with all my grandkids popping in and out, me making soup and cakes for them 🤣🤣🤣how wrong was I ?

You will feel it hard for a little bit but you just have to bite the bullet I m afraid, keep yourself as busy as possible, if your marriage is good do as much as you can with your husband, if you’re still at work put your all into it.
Think of all the positives of your son’s exciting new life every time you get sad. Hopefully he ll keep regular contact with you
I m an only child of an only child so a very small family All three of my children moved overseas, one cane back as her partner died but the other two plus grandkids are still all overseas (one in NZ with little chance of seeing much of him)
Allow yourself ‘private’ crying I find the shower a great place for a good cry and once you are feeling a little better and you will if you allow yourself to, then throw yourself into anything you can, and talk to your husband. It is a bereavement of sorts but he’s alive and happy and you must be too, or else it will be a huge burden on his shoulders
Also keep a time of the week to chat to your son I think once a week is fine, not too intrusive in his life but something for you to look forward to
It will never go away but it will become much more manageable
How did you manage the first son going away ?

I know posters might say dont let history repeat itself then, stay close to your kids. And I'll try. But i could accept ds1 being so far away and not really knowing what goes on in his life. Hes not a chatter and isnt one to phone up or send chatty WhatsApp messages. I tried a family WhatsApp but it just didn't work. Dh and the dss are football mad and it became all about that.