How do you cope when your children move away?

It's an entirely natural reaction .
None of my children live in my area and they don't like it either .
I was completely devastated when my son and his girlfriend moved out of my house .
She was so demanding , but I was happy to be in their company .
I concentrated on my interests , hobbies and went out with friends -it's all that you can do .
Time is a great healer . It's okay to cry over it .
Take a deep breath and baby steps .

The OP is looking for sympathetic responses not harsh ones. Her feelings are totally valid.

Get a grip woman. How would you feel if your sons were in the armed forces on tours of duty to war zones. Every time the doorbell rang my late husband and I were sick in case it was the Pastoral care officer informing us they had been killed.

Areyou home yet? What is the actual distance?

I left home aged 19, when there was no computers, no cheap flights, and phone calls abroad cost a bomb. Initially for 6 months, which turned out to be 40 years

Yes, one of mine went backpacking - that was 27 years ago! She's not still backpacking, of course, but settled overseas and her siblings followed her.
One returned and isn't very far away but we have to give them roots and wings.

Count your blessings and stop moaning.
Sounds harsh but counting your blessings is the best thing to do.

P.S. Forgot to add, in contrast to my mother’s situation, all three of my children and families , live within 6 miles of my house .

It is an understandable feeling, especially with your childhood experiences and the fears they have left behind. Allow yourself to feel reassured when they come visit. Instigate a conversation that does not reply in haste but keeps a running friendly chat across the days. Follow their social media accounts to share their lives. It will become easier.

I can talk sense to you, but you won¨t like it if I do.

For Heaven's sake, woman, you have healthy adult children doing jobs they like, living presumably where they want to, and still in touch with you.

Count your blessings and stop moaning.

Get on with your life. Did you really expect to be a mother-hen all your life? Do you want to be? We don't own our children. They are a gift and a job. We brought them into the world, brought them up, taught them to fend for themselves, and then we let them get on with living their lives.

Find something to take you out and about. Volunteer somewhere, make new friends, some or other charity near you is crying out for helpers. Find them.

We have to accept that we love them more than they love us. It's how it should be. It's sad to think like that but we don't want to think of them being heartbroken when we are gone. I struggled with an empty nest for years and years and then I read a simple little saying, "Adapt and survive". I thought yes I have to adapt and I tried and it worked. I still miss the days of them being young and I think there will always be an ache, rather than a pain, in my heart.

What do you mean by 'moving away?' - in the UK, 50 miles away, 200, 500?

I left home aged 19, when there was no computers, no cheap flights, and phone calls abroad cost a bomb. Initially for 6 months, which turned out to be 40. I so admire my parents who never complained and never made me feel guilty, ever. I visited once a year with the children, and they always came for Christmas as DH couldn't have time off, and in the Summer.

When we decided to move abroad, we discussed this a lot with ACs and they all said 'go for it' and we will all have a wonderful home from home in a place we love. No further than if we lived, say, in Devon, and they in Scotland. Cheap flights now, Whats'Up, etc, and we drive over a couple of times a year and they visit here too, and we also meet for joint holidays abroad. Many friends who have ACs and DCs in the UK, say we see our ACs and DCs more often than they do.

It's hard.
Did he not go away to uni? I found that tough. First one and then the other. Then they bounced back at holidays and again for a year or so after graduating.
Each time they came home and left again I was sad but each time was slightly less awful than the first time.
If this is the first time he's left no wonder you feel bad.
It does get better but it's a new phase of life and to be frank, however full a life you have it's not like the golden years of having your children at home.

My two are happy and successful and I see them from time to time. I'm proud of them for the lovely young men they are but I miss them.

Kim19

They are only ours for a season. Set them free and they'll be back regularly. It worked for me.

Logic prevails!

On a serious note, lots of Mums get very emotional when their children fly the nest.

It will get better, give it time, try and find something new and fulfilling to fill your days, take up a new hobby, read some new books, look up some old friends or join a club and make some new friends.

Best wishes

They are only ours for a season. Set them free and they'll be back regularly. It worked for me.

It is my view that you bring up your children so that they are equipped to fly free at the appropriate time. When they do, as yours have done then you have done a good job. Time for you now to make a life for yourself and make new friends and take up new interests, or revisit old ones that you didn't have time for. Decide what you want for you now. Personally the first thing I did was have a party. I love my boys but by golly I didn't miss the washing, ironing and cleaning up, Or all the angst that went with them. I'm still here for them regardless but I don't interfere or intrude on their lives now. Their lives are theirs to live, mistakes and all. Good luck, you will find your way, one step at a time.

We still have 3 of 5 AC still living at home.

When they all finally leave we will be

👏👏 🍹🍹🍸🍸🍷🍷 🕺🕺 🤸🏾‍♂️🤸🏾‍♂️🍾🍾🥳🥳

Cry away. Your feelings shouldn't need validating.

At one time both my children were a distance away. I sawit as a sign of good parenting that were making their own lives,

My son, particularly, lived in various places overseas and I worried about him all the time.

Now, years later he's back home living with me! Now I'm a failed parent... I really hope he can get back on his feet and move out again but in the current economic climate it doesn't look likely, so you never know what lies around the corner!

I have read your post carefully and given this a lot of thought.

You clearly have deep rooted issues from your childhood.

I would suggest getting some good counselling.

Your children could find your reaction very hard to deal with.
Have you discussed it with them?

I have 3 AC, two in the UK but at least a 3 hour drive and the youngest left the UK at 18 to travel he then went to a university abroad, he came back for 6 months then off again overseas.

We brought them up to be independent and that’s what we got.

I doubt he and his partner will ever live in the UK but they are very happy.

The three siblings all get on very well, they have their own family group (probably to moan about us) and that for me is so important.

Get some help please.

Just make a busy life for yourself, join groups, see friends, find a purpose every day.
Be proud of your sons and proud of yourself for bringing them up to be independent.
Time will ease the pain, but do keep in touch every week for a catch-up. Just a few words and tell them how much you love them and look forward to seeing them soon.

It is definitely early days for you and what you are experiencing is very real and also feeling worse as it is raking up sadness and feelings of isolation from your past.
First congratulate yourself of doing a wonderful job as parents on bringing up independent children who will thrive out of your home. You should be proud of yourself !
Secondly embrace this time for yourself and your husband.
I felt bereft when both my daughters moved out in quick succession. The empty nest felt horrendous.
However myself and my husband embraced the change together and it brought us much closer as we began to do more things as a couple again and with our friends.
There is no need to know everything that is going on in their lives but remain interested and supportive and ignite that family whatsapp group again. It may be different now they are far from home and even if you don’t endless conversation just having that occasional contact as a group may help. Keep it chatty and with news from home. It’s ok to tell them you love them and miss them but don’t go overboard. Make plans to visit each way. I find that it is quality time I get with my children these days when we are together. Especially the d who is furthest away. My eldest has moved back closer and I am now involved with grandchildren …. You find they certainly need you again in this chapter. Take care x

Thank you, that is a lovely message.

How far is far away? I’m single and my 24 year old only child moved out 2 weeks ago but is still in the same town. Before that she was many miles away at uni but I got used to it as we have a very close relationship and kept in touch.
It’s hard but you’ve raised two well-adjusted children who love you. And you have your husband, I’m home alone (apart from dog.)
Both my parents moved to different countries from their parents when they were young. There was no internet and phone calls were hugely expensive. You’ll be fine, you have to be. It’s the natural order of things. Try and be grateful that your children are happy and show that you’re coping without them.
In life, nothing is permanent. You’ll always be their mum and I’m sure they cherish you.

I really miss him so much just now. It hurts.

I will do. Thanks again.

You will be fine Sssd. Give it time and fill that time with nice things you can look forward to.