I have no friends and it doesn't bother me

I think it must bother you that f you have started a thread.

flappergirl

I have no friends or family to speak of, other than my adult son and it certainly didn't bother me one jot until I was widowed. My DH and I were each other's best friends. We chatted and laughed, shared the same world views and had a very happy, easy going relationship. What I would kindly say OP is that you might find it less satisfying should you be widowed. I know it sounds ridiculous but I didn't realise how much the rug would be pulled from under me when he died. The house is silent, no more conversation or laughter, nobody to talk to about my work or my day. Nobody to go out for a meal with. Nobody to go on holiday with. Nobody to share anything with really. It just hadn't occurred to me.

I'm in a similar situation. My late DH and I lived in different places abroad for several years and then returned to the UK to the outskirts of a small village. We always travelled a lot and enjoyed each others company and didn't really want to socialise after years of having to do so through work. Now I feel isolated, I only know 1 person in the village, have no real friends and am lonely. As you say nobody to chat to about the ordinary everyday sort of things let alone travel with or go to theatre, cinema, restaurants. I tried some local voluntary work
for a year but the locals seem very parochial, they have their friends and routines and don't seem to want to include anybody else and although they were mostly around my age they seemed much older and more set in their ways.

I need company. Being a twin, I've obviously had a friend with me from the day we were born. Seventy years on, we're still best friends and either see or text/speak almost daily. My DH is also wonderful company and we enjoy being together. I belong to a number of craft/sewing/watercolour groups and I'm making a concerted effort to build my friendship groups in readiness for the day (hopefully many years away) that I'm without my two main supports should I outlive them. I also have many friends independently. I'm sure my children and step-children will look after me too. I can still recall the utter loneliness I felt when my first marriage ended.

Aveline

I've often wondered how a 'Golden Girls' scenario would work for ladies in later life. Just theorising here but how about four ladies sharing a decent sized house. A large room with en suite each and a large living area and kitchen. Expenses could be shared and company assured. If required carers could be shared too. Obviously, personalities would have to be considered but it might be pleasanter for some than being catapulted into a large care home. Any thoughts?

Aveline, I think your idea sounds ideal. Company should you want it and privacy when you don’t. Women supporting each other in the best possible way.

As someone who is divorced, child free and lives alone I agree with the posters upthread who say it does not sound odd to have "no friends". There was a time when I travelled solo to some amazing countries which it is very difficult to safely visit now. Nowadays my life has closed down a lot due to mobility issues but I am reconciled to that.

I run a “lifestyle” business so I have mostly clients and acquaintances to talk to online. I do have some old colleagues and we occasionally communicate via email and text. However we are in different cities and I dont drive so we dont meet up. I do have a nephew who comes up once or twice a week but relatives are different.

Some of us are, by our very nature, private, self sufficient and independent of spirit. Other people may disapprove and consider we are being selfish for not being more involved in the community. I spent two careers in customer and client facing occupations so Ive given enough to society. Retirement is meant to be “easy street”.

Sounds like you are very comfortable being you which is lovely. I have never had many friends but moved house a few years ago and although I know people making a new friend is difficult. I have 2 daughters who live very close but they are wrapped up in their own lives so seem to communicate more by text than seeing them. Some days I am perfectly happy to be on my own but other days I crave company. Have set a goal to do some voluntary work in the new year to make life more fulfilling.

Aveline, I’m with you on that one. Sounds like an ideal solution for someone like me who needs company. On the continent there are house shares for seniors, in fact my sister and I have just put our dad (aged 92) on a waiting list for one, this is in Germany.

If you’re happy that’s all that matters. But for me I need my friends, we meet every month and have a day out, with lunch or afternoon tea. We enjoy each other’s company and have a good laugh. We go to a couple of towns and a well known city, we are extremely lucky we live in a lovely area. We are a group of 7 - and have known each other for 15 years through a grandparent group.

My husband and I get on great we have the same humour and a really good marriage. Sometimes I meet up with friends but don’t feel the need to have a huge circle of friends. He’s my world and I’m his I know one’ day that could change but we,ll deal with that when we have to. My sons pop in now and again and I see my sister sometime . But really we’re ok just together I know I’m lucky.

Like several on here, my husband was my best friend, someone to come home to, to chat about our individual days, to go on holiday and days out with, to do nothing with.
We both had many acquaintances but few close friends. We were not used to going out in a foursome or anything like that. I have lots of friends through church and my choirs, but most are still married and busy with family etc. I am lucky that my daughter lives close by, but I could do with someone my own age to go on trips with.
I like Aveline’s idea, but I guess it is fraught with potential difficulties, not least in finding compatible people, plus the potential legal complexities. Ok when you are young and can easily move on if things don’t work but harder as an older person.

You sound content as you are, Sue. I only have a couple of real friends, apart from my family, but we've been friends for a long time and really understand each other.
Sometimes though, I look around me at people who still live in the same areas they were brought up in and they have a good support network of people they've known all their lives. It must be nice knowing there's always someone to call on when you need them, especially as we grow older.

I do not think you are odd. When I was working, I feel like ‘Billly No Mates’.

I have no friends at all and the only people I know are my colleagues. Furthermore, the only family I have in the UK are my husband and my daughter. It did not bother me at all because I was too busy working and helping my husband with his online business.

As I got older, it bothers me more. I realised that if anything were to happen to my husband, I will be literally on my own with no support, so more at risk of feeling lonely, isolated or worse, depressed.

Since retirement, I have made more effort to establish new friendships and keep in touch with my former colleagues.

My feelings exactly flappergirl. I feel so very alone since my husband died last year. I miss the person I was when I was with him and don’t know who I am anymore. We are all different but I do think it’s important to have friends to help us redefine ourselves when this happens…I’m fortunate enough to have our daughter and husband living nearby and I have a few friends but none in close proximity….

I've always been gregarious but like others I've been let down many times. While still working I was one of four ladies who went weekly to a local pub quiz. We were close friends for 30 years, sharing holidays (children of similar ages) with our families, meals, days out etc and suddenly it ended and I never discovered why. One friend became cold towards me and when I asked her why she said "You know full well why" - and I had not a clue. So I asked the other two and they said they had no idea either. Unfortunately the first of the two found that her work (own business) became more time-consuming and she was not available to socialise, while the other suffered permanent ill health. I remained in frequent contact with the ill lady for years but not the others. Sadly the ill lady became housebound while I was still in full-time work and bit by bit she became chair/bedbound and grossly overweight, so it was impossible to do other than visit her at home. By then I had grandchildren and one daughter 200 miles away, and I even missed her funeral.

On retirement I suffered several years of depression (unknown to me) and no-one even enquired of me. I sorted myself out but have never acquired any "friends" even though I meet a lot of people through the voluntary works that I do now. I've been having cancer treatment for the last 12 months and only two people have even enquired how I am. I don't have a brilliant marriage either but we keep going as best we can. I can't imagine life without my voluntary work and don't imagine ever having close friends again. No siblings either. So I don't know how I will manage if the hassle of a husband doesn't exist or trying to cope with a too-large house and garden. Depression again, I suppose.

Not really looking forward to that. Must take some action - but what?

Thanks for this most interesting thread SueBooWoo.
About a dozen replies on the thread are from Gransnetters living alone and social isolation can be a problem for us.
I felt very alone following widowhood, moving abroad and adjusting to a different culture. It was a real uphill struggle to find people with similar interests to mine. Now I belong to 4 groups and also enjoy the company of my dog.
There is known to be a strong connection between high social contact later in life and memory and thinking skills according to the Alzhheimers Society and we are told that social isolation is shown to increase dementia risk. So I think we need to be mindful of that. Personally I think social media and text messaging have their place (although a bit superficial) but nothing beats face to face conversations.

CocoPops - you are welcome x

Thank you ALL for your lovely, kind and compassionate replies.

I'm kinda relieved that I'm not alone the way I am, but also sad - some of the replies were painful and sad to read and my heart and compassion truly goes out to those.

I do have the occasional worry that if/when my OH passes before me (as he is older and of very poor health) that I'll feel truly alone and lonely, but I try to to dwell on that too much as it can be a bit depressing, when that time comes hopefully I'll cope !

I wonder if I should be doing something (i.e. join clubs/try and develop friendships) before I'm on my own, but that's hard and scary to do .

Just to explain further its not been a conscious choice not too have friends, just seems to have turned out they way - working self employed/moving areas several times/health issues etc.

I totally agree re "Personally I think social media and text messaging have their place (although a bit superficial) but nothing beats face to face conversations"

Also social media can be depressing when it seems everyone else is out having fun with friends.

I hope this thread I started hasn't caused distress to anyone and maybe it might help someone to think I need to try and socialise/join a club etc (me included !)

I am quite an outgoing person yet at the same time quite a private person. I think friendships have a natural lifespan during which you share common interests and support with the other person. I have perhaps a handful of true friends who I might not see for a very long time but when we do catch up it feels that we have never been apart. I get involved with the friendship group in my village and have made some very dear friends there. We are all of advanced years though and I realize that we have limited time left. So, for now, I enjoy their company. My husband is a wonderful friend . Completely irreplaceable. I am happy with my own company. We have 2 children and 4 grandchildren whom we love dearly but don't see a huge amount of so our lives don't revolve around them, but we would be there for each other if any of them, or we, needed help. I feel blessed to have the life I have and the people I share it with.

Throughout life I've had various close friends. All now dead. I grieve them but I've given up all thought if replacing them. I really don't need close friendship at my age. Acquaintances are fine.

I wonder if I should be doing something (i.e. join clubs/try and develop friendships) before I'm on my own, but that's hard and scary to do^

I have suggested this to people before but, from my own recent experience, some large groups can be very cliquey which can be worse than being alone.
Smaller groups, eg groups in U3A or craft groups, if you are at all crafty, might be friendlier and better.