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When you got married did you save escape money ?

(196 Posts)
NanKate Sun 01-Dec-24 12:19:05

My mother told me to squirrel away some money when I got married, so that I had some running away money.

Fortunately I have a kind/generous husband so never had to use it.

When I told my friend about this she was horrified and said she would never have done this. Ironically she had a bumpy marriage and would have benefited from some escape money.

Susieq62 Mon 02-Dec-24 16:39:31

When my parents split up my dad took all of the money from the joint account and left my mum with five shillings! Hence I have always had my own account, never a joint one and always split the bills with my now extra husband and current partner ! I like being in control of the household budget and my partner is happy to let me get on with it! Always been fiercely financially independent !!

Aveline Mon 02-Dec-24 16:35:10

My dear Dad gave us what he called 'whoopee' money when we were first married. It was to be spent on fun/treats/things we wouldn't otherwise have. He knew our funds were strictly limited so we really appreciated his generosity. Our first 'whoopee' money was spent in a lovely lunch at the Roman Camp Hotel in Callendar.

MissAdventure Mon 02-Dec-24 16:32:26

Everyone knew about my mum's rainy day fund, and asked her, if they were in a pickle, financially, to borrow some.

It must have been a tiny amount, I'd have thought.

Cambsnan Mon 02-Dec-24 16:19:43

I always had money my husband didn’t know about and advised my children boys and girls to do the same. Just a small safety pot!

Retired65 Mon 02-Dec-24 16:11:38

No, I didn't have any money in the beginning to squirrel away but I did have my own savings account and bank account.

NfkDumpling Mon 02-Dec-24 16:03:22

We did have a joint account when we first married. But it didn't last - both spent from it and kept forgetting how much we'd spent! So I've always had my own money in my own accounts.

I could never understand how couple with everything in joint accounts managed. No fritter money, always knowing what the other had spent on their presents, etc.

My DMiL had running away money. DFiL never knew of it. We only found out when she told us not to throw out her sewing patterns without looking through them carefully!!

looklively35 Mon 02-Dec-24 15:57:54

It was called 'Drop Dead Money' in Harold Robbins 'A Stone for Danny Fisher' and l thought it a very sensible idea and have always had one, just in case l ever needed to to say that and leave.

Diggingdoris Mon 02-Dec-24 15:51:29

No I didn't have one but wish I had, when my first marriage crumbled. I've made sure I have one the second time around.

SporeRB Mon 02-Dec-24 15:47:41

NanKate

Someone I knew was left in a dreadful state when her husband died. He knew he only had months to live but he didn’t prepare her for being alone.

She had no cheque book, no ready cash, no money of her own, just a big old house in the woods. Her two children had to bail her out for months just to keep her fed and pay her bills. I have resented his cruelness ever since. She crashed her car and died shortly afterwards. What a sad disaster.

Your friend obviously did not know that as a widow, she is entitled to bereavement allowance which is a lump sum of £2500 followed by 18 monthly payments of £100.

She should have gone to her bank, opened a bank account in her own name and notified DWP of the change of bank details so that her own state pension would go into her new bank account which she could assessed immediately whilst waiting for probate.

She must be so consumed with grief, she could not think straight.

MillieBoris Mon 02-Dec-24 15:22:13

Yes I attempted a running away fund but it never grew to a substantial amount and as I was living in the States it wouldn’t have got me very far! Never had my own bank account - just used credit cards. Everything had to have a receipt though - he was an accountant. Finally got fed up after 38 years and I now have my own money - wonderful. I now treat myself to the most expensive face creams without guilt.

Allsorts Mon 02-Dec-24 15:20:30

I always had my own fund, it wasn't an escape fund that didn't occur to me, it was a just in case we might need it.

Philippa111 Mon 02-Dec-24 15:02:49

My mother also told be to put some money is a safe place in case I needed it. She didn’t mention specifics . I did hide hide some money. I didn’t need it.

homefarm Mon 02-Dec-24 14:44:02

When I married I was the one with the money.
I had a well paid job and enough money to buy a house, which I did.
My husband was a waster, I lost track of the number of jobs he had, always a case of last in first out.

Diplomat Mon 02-Dec-24 14:27:02

My mum always talked about a running away fund and my parents did divorce. It made me make sure l was always independent financially.

MissAdventure Mon 02-Dec-24 14:16:10

It seems it makes little to no difference to the quality or longevity of wedded bliss, whether you've a secret stash or not.

arum Mon 02-Dec-24 14:14:51

Unfortunately, my dad (born in 1909) never gave his daughters any advice on financial affiars, although he was an auditor. My brother was the only one who received some pocket money so that he could treat a girlfriend to a milkshake or so. He still is very wise with money. All of us was given one tickey primary school savings a week, which we squandered fairly soon in high school. At one time or another, all the girls had some financial problems during their marriage. It took me a good 20 years to realise that hubby was useless with savings and insurances. I was fortunate to be able to earn my own money, albeit it much less than what men earned, and often alnly part time. It helped me in times when hubby left his job, and now that we are pensioners, both of us still have to work to escape social benefits because our pensions are very low.

Madmother21 Mon 02-Dec-24 14:01:17

Would never have thought about it. I was an independent woman who rented her own flat, had a nice car and a good job. I’ve been married 44 years.

Dianehillbilly1957 Mon 02-Dec-24 14:00:44

I had my own bank account as well as joint account, so had a running away fund! Was never advised to I just did it. Nice little amount when my ex done the dirty on me! 🤣

Nightsky2 Mon 02-Dec-24 13:49:55

I couldn’t afford to save any money in the early years and I can well remember when we were counting the pennies. Later on I did save money and put it into my bank account. DH knew about it and didn’t mind. We’ve been married for 54 years so well past running away from anything.

SueEH Mon 02-Dec-24 13:32:39

I couldn’t afford a running away fund but was eternally grateful when child tax credits were launched as that money came directly to me and I could save a little. That became my running away fund and run away I did (with three children).

JamesandJon33 Mon 02-Dec-24 13:18:15

Never had escape money or contemplated it. DH and I will have been married 60years next month. We do most things together and it has been fine….so far

Maggie12 Mon 02-Dec-24 13:14:12

I wish I had as my husband was a nightmare with money . And I wish I had never had a joint bank account

essjay Mon 02-Dec-24 13:07:59

No but i wish i had

Randa Mon 02-Dec-24 13:06:16

Unfortunately I didn’t to start with but I did after first child he became very obsessive and jealous so I saved everything I could and left

vivvq Mon 02-Dec-24 13:04:09

I had my "Shirley Valentine" account throughout my working life. I saved the child allowance for Christmas and later my travel expenses were paid into it. My family all knew about it and when my eldest daughter was a bit short after her first baby, l was able to help out.