Presents for adult grandchildren

I buy a voucher from Buy A Gift or Virgin Experience, it allows them to choose an experience or a meal out at hundreds of restaurants across the country.

It can be for any amount, it will either cover the cost or can be put towards something more expensive.

I don’t buy for over 18 Grandchildren so that’s gone from 9 down to just 2 whom I’m giving money to this year £100 they live abroad and I only see them rarely. I then have 8 Great Grandchildren I spend around £20 each so it’s still expensive for me. Having a big family is wonderful but it does get complicated.
Just give what you can afford I’m lucky to still afford to buy for the younger ones many cannot.

Our 19 year old GS has a newish GF, been seeing her about 3 months. We’ve met her, once.

We are paying for some work to be done on his car, so he won’t be getting an actual present or cash for either Christmas or his next birthday, as it’s far more than we normally spend.

No idea if the GF will be at their house on Christmas Day, we are going there, but have no intention of getting her anything.

She rides in the car a lot, so will benefit from our gift indirectly.

What happens when they get partners? One of my GC is in a long term relationship with a lovely girl very much part of the extended family but not living together, another has a new live-in girlfriend but it may not last. I am not inclined to double my gifts. It is a minefield.

I also use wish lists. It makes life much easier. Once my GC are earning ( long time off yet) I shall reduce the amount I spend.
Unless- they buy a gift for me, even only a small token.

Is that mean? Or sensible? Am I wrong to expect something back?

We ask for a wish list. Adult children get something from their wish list, it’s often a practical item. They also get a ‘Stocking’ bag with something to read, something to wear ( usually socks, boring but it’s now a family joke ) something to eat and something for the bath.
GCs are now at wish list age, they get a single present from the list.
We have a small family so is all doable.

With five adult children and eight grandchildren, I have a much more limited budget for presents than mentioned by some here.#
Firstly when the elder g.children reached 18, I stopped giving anything, but then felt mean as they were usually studying and very short of money.

Equally, two of own children really do not need the financial pressies from me, where the other three (whilst not hard up), do like the hundred pounds I give at Xmas as something to treat themselves with. No birthday present given.

Whilst g.children are in primary school, all had pressies sent. Once in Secondary education each get £30 at Xmas and £30 at birthdays. School age children also get small amount for Easter/Spring Festival.

So, all in all I have to budget for a grand a year for these pressies, which works out over eighty pounds each month.

WE give our GC £50 each. The other GPs give £250 each. Pick whatever sum in between that suits your budget. One year a GD gave her £250 to charity as she thought it was too much to be given.

The 'reasonable amount' varies so much according to the circumstances of the gifter surely?

OH and I agree to a budget for the GC of our blended families - if any of the GC consider it to be 'not enough', that's tough; we are pensioners after all and don't have unlimited resources. As we don't buy gifts for the AC we are able to treat all the GC, some are working, some still studying. But we do have our own living costs and we like our holidays too.

The budget was discussed with all the AC who all agree with us and in fact they feel that it keeps the youngsters grounded; and if the GC want something in particular that is quite expensive then they are encouraged to save for it rather than have it dropped into their lap.

We have done this for over ten years, increasing the budget with inflation and it suits everyone. My advice, OP, would be to have the conversation with the AC, set your own budget and stick to it.