Worrying - any tips on how to calm yourself

Luckygirl3

Look up Insight Timer - I have this installed on my phone and you can access a vast array of relaxation exercises of all lengths and sorts - for free!

I’ve just downloaded this. Many Thanks. I’ll give it a go..

I would also recommend an on-line mindfulness course..

I have a tendency to brood over worries, and often need to distract myself. I find gardening the best therapy, but it’s not the weather for that! I like jigsaws, especially if I listen to an audio book at the same time. I also like a sort and tidy of a cupboard or chest of drawers! While doing tasks, I listen to history podcasts from BBC Sounds - You’re Dead to Me is my favourite, though I also enjoy A Short History of….. Keeping busy and occupying the brain is the key!

I don't know if this will seem too trite, hopefully not.

I do like this saying:
'worrying doesn't take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace'

I wish you well

I like that NanaK54

Put on some music that you love and dance and think of all the good things in your life. If a ‘bad’ thought comes in say STOP

I think acceptance can help quite a bit. You know there are things that you can't control and you know that worrying won't make those things go away. Maybe you can take your mind off somewhere else, if only for a little while? I sometimes fantasise about taking a no-expenses-spared holiday, or I read a good book, plan how I'd redecorate a room (or the garden), or even work on a tough puzzle (not too tough or I give up!). Accept that you'll feel bad sometimes but it isn't going to be all the time for the rest of your life. Hope this helps.

I learned this technique a few weeks ago when the pre-Christmas anxiety got to me.

I call it, Catch it, check it, change it. I even do physical movements.

It calls for some awareness of when thoughts are impacting on your physical comfort, that time when you realise you are getting tense in your tummy or elsewhere.

So, if I get a unwanted and unhelpful thought I 'catch' it in my fist.
Then I check it, by looking at my hand and deciding if this is a helpful or a harmful thought. These thoughts are rarely helpful!
So then I 'change' it by physically pushing it way with my hand.
These moments can be very small, so people won't notice, but I find it has been a real help to me.

Thanks for the Insight Timer info Luckygirl which I will have a look at.

I started meditation some years ago with the help of an app and it changed my life. I am a natural worrier, and have had chronically raised cortisol levels since an anxious childhood.

Your description of how you deal with intrusive thoughts is quite insightful keepingquiet.

I have learned to observe unhelpful intrusive thoughts without shying away from them. I I have realised that these thoughts are often the result of habitual thinking, and I tell myself that I don’t need to accept them. They are merely thoughts, but it does take practice to change unhelpful habitual thinking.

I also attend a secular meditation support group, and breathing exercises also help.

I am glad to know that I am not alone in this constant anxiety. Is it an age - related thing? I’ve always been a worrier, but it’s getting so out of hand now that I find myself thinking I’d be better off dead to save myself the pain of living. I often think i was an awful mother. Yet my friends would say just the opposite. I know because they’ve often said so. I dwell on the negative and often find myself crying for no real reason. I take enough tablets now so I don’t really relish the thought of taking antidepressants. I shall look up these apps and try the other things that have been suggested. It has helped just even writing this down as I feel I can’t burden my friends or family with it.

Hi Kateykrunch. Sorry to hear about feeling overwhelmed.
I don’t know what your newspaper leaning are, however, I received an invitation from The Guardian to try this so I am going to give it a go:
www.theguardian.com/info/2024/dec/17/sign-up-for-the-overwhelm-newsletter

Whoops. Looks as though the link doesn’t work.
This is along the same lines though:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/dec/27/do-you-feel-overwhelmed-heres-why-and-how-to-fix-it

I am a worrier too and generally find keeping busy helpful, however sometimes when it doesn’t I imagine my old gondola basket, think 1960s, and carefully put each concern into it, imagine covering it with a cloth and deciding to leave it there for another day. Somehow it helps me distance myself from the problems , then I can pick up a hobby or cook a meal without that sinking feeling.

Kateykrunch try a search with the key words exercises stimulate vagus nerve which is the longest nerve in the body. One to try is two sharp, deep sniffs in then a long breath out with aaahh or mmmmm.

Distraction is good. Find an absorbing hobby, read a book, volunteer, join a club... Those things give you less time to ruminate and dwell on things.

Stop and take two or three slow deep breaths, in through your nose and blowing out through your mouth. Do something right now and focus on it - washing up, or knitting (if you do knit) or tidying a drawer - just something to pay attention to in a relaxed way. I know of someone who was told two useful things to do if worry kept coming along. One was to choose a half hour each day to worry - say 6.00 to 6.30 in the evening, and if she found herself worrying at any other time of day, she just reminded herself that 'this is not my time to worry - wait for the worry half hour!' and it really helped her. The other thing was to think of a really bad thing happening, like serious illness for someone she loved, and give that a score of 10 - a really big worry. Then when she worried about something in her daily life she'd ask herself where it came on a scale of 0 to 10? She found that most of her worries turned out to score around 2 at most - it helped her keep a sense of proportion. I hope you find some way to step back, breathe, and see that worries are thoughts and usually not true, or not nearly as bad as you thought.

Moth62, you say you find yourself thinking that you would be better off dead to save yourself the pain of living. Please confide in your family and friends you are not a burden. My Husband took his own life 2 years ago and never confided in me or any of other family members. The grief and pain for those left behind is unbelievable.

5-4-3-2-1 COPING TECHNIQUE
There are 5 steps to take towards finding symptom reduction and/or relief. Taking these 5 steps might not be overnight magic but can significantly help reduce symptoms of anxiety, trauma triggers, and other unwanted emotions or thoughts. With any type of trigger, emotion, or thought that needs coping skills, it is important to always remember to breath! Like in yoga, slow, deep, long breathing can help maintain a sense of calm or help return to a calmer state. Start with deep breathing as the introduction to any coping skill. Breathe in for 5 seconds, hold the breath for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 5 seconds. Continue this pattern until you find your thoughts slowing down or until necessary. I suggest at least 5 rounds of these sets but more is of course allowed and encouraged. After you are able to find your breath, go through the numbers in order to help ground yourself in present thinking through external factors:

5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. Maybe it is a bird, maybe it is pencil, maybe it is a spot on the ceiling, however big or small, state 5 things you see.
4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. Maybe this is your hair, hands, ground, grass, pillow, etc, whatever it may be, list out the 4 things you can feel.
3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This needs to be external, do not focus on your thoughts; maybe you can hear a clock, a car, a dog park. or maybe you hear your tummy rumbling, internal noises that make external sounds can count, what is audible in the moment is what you list.
2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell: This one might be hard if you are not in a stimulating environment, if you cannot automatically sniff something out, walk nearby to find a scent. Maybe you walk to your bathroom to smell soap or outside to smell anything in nature, or even could be as simple as leaning over and smelling a pillow on the couch, or a pencil. Whatever it may be, take in the smells around you.
1. Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like, gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch? Focus on your mouth as the last step and take in what you can taste.
These five steps are a way to ground yourself in the NOW! Take you out of your head and help stop you flooded thoughts. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy it is believed that your thoughts are directly linked to how you feel and although we feel like we lose control of our thought processes, we have tools that can help us gain back a sense of control and lead to healthier thought patterns. In moments of anxiety or triggered trauma it is important to stay present focused to help find symptom relief. Hopefully this coping technique can help you or someone you know stay present, stay grounded, and stay healthy.

Kateykrunch you could have been talking about me as I’ve been so overly worried about my son and DIL since before Christmas. I keep telling myself their problems are their problems but it doesn’t help so I’ve taken to walking every afternoon for a couple of hours and I feel much better. Distracting tasks are the thing and intrusive thoughts are just ‘passing through’. I’m still very worried but ‘this too shall pass’. I hope you feel better soon

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks to the point of passing out unconscious. I practice mindfulness and have found it so helpful, there are books in the library, apps on phone, and loads online, such easy techniques to use as tools for when you feel anxiety getting the better of you. I love that it is so versatile too,I have used it to help with my grief after my daughter died, my pain management for various illnesses, and anxiety/panic attacks, give it a go. If you still struggle most counties have a self refer mental health team,ours in Hampshire is called iTalk, in Berkshire it was called Talking Therapies, but google you county and free nhs mental health support. It is completely FREE! via NHS, you just register online and they offer various courses according to your needs. Dr will also refer you, but will say go online and register so just cut out the middle man and do it yourself.

I'll just leave this here

KG1241 - such a helpful post.

IzzyPopBottle
I often exercise the vagus nerve. It’s fascinating when you read about it.

KG1241
If only doctors would advocate the breathing exercises. It’s not rocket science is it 🤷‍♀️
If you talk to anyone who really understands anxiety the first thing they will advise is the breathing technique.

Thank you again for more insights, ideas and tips, I am grateful to you all for taking the time to comment. Some really interesting techniques and exercises which I will investigate and try. I am continuing to crochet for England lol and have managed to actually get out of our icy village today and attend my Theatre Group which was a good laugh with nice people, I know distraction helps so much. Wishing anyone else who is struggling, a little calm. Thanks again.

Yes, download the Insight timer app.

Lots to listen to and most of it is free.

Today I listened to Yoga Nidra. Laid on bed and nearly dropped of to sleep.

I occasionally get very low, but I heard this phrase a while back and pinned it on my cupboard:
Your thoughts control your feelings’
I’m sure others will say that’s obvious, but it really helps me to think this way, because it means that you’re in total control of whether you choose to feel happy or sad. The other thing I do is to ‘stay in the moment’, because after all, that’s all anyone has got. I also agree with the others who have said to busy yourself, whilst listening to the radio or a podcast. And I also find a good, gentle comecg to rewatch - Ghosts or Motherland does it for me. Do take care 🙂