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Unwanted hair

(21 Posts)
Betty18 Thu 20-Feb-25 09:27:34

My granddaughter aged 8, always has, and still does have an exceptionally hairy back. It’s very noticeable and although we don’t make a thing of it others have noticed and made remarks. She’s mixed race with quite pale skin but very dark hair. She’s getting very upset and self conscious about it and my daughter is considering removal. But she’s only 8! . Any suggestions as to if this can be done safely? Obviously the best thing would be to encourage her not to care too much but you know it’s easier said than done. Mum is getting married soon so we might do a one off as her dress is open at the back. I’m concerned about making it worse by removing. Can that happen?

keepingquiet Thu 20-Feb-25 09:48:39

Do I have an hairy back? I have to look in a mirror to see it.
This child is 8 years old and should be having a childhood which gives her confidence and even pride in who and what she is- not made to feel as if she's a freak.

I would leave this matter alone as she is not your child and love her for who she is and not dwell on this issue.

Does her mum want the hair removed so she can wear a backless dress for a wedding?

I presume mum is your daughter? I think she needs a talking to...

tanith Thu 20-Feb-25 10:00:10

Absolutely agree with keepingquiet choose a different dress if you are that bothered, bringing attention to it is the worst thing you can do

Barleyfields Thu 20-Feb-25 10:08:04

In the circumstances I’m surprised that a dress with an open back has been chosen. Surely that would distress the child. I wouldn’t think that any method of hair removal is suitable for the sensitive skin of an 8 year old. When she’s older a course of laser hair removal may be effective but unless she’s suffering very severe distress about the excess hair (and possibly not even then) it’s unlikely to be available on the NHS. The choice of dress for the wedding is very upsetting for the child and totally unnecessary. Can you get this changed?

Granmarderby10 Thu 20-Feb-25 10:12:56

A backless dress for an 8 year old is not necessary. Would a boy be expected to expose his bare back at a wedding.? Is it a beach wedding?…just a thought🤔

Marydoll Thu 20-Feb-25 10:33:31

An eight year old child, with a backless dress? What is her mother thinking of? She is a child, not an adult. Children grow up far too quickly nowadays.

My nine year old granddaughter has a hairy back, but I would not dream of drawing attention to it.

crazyH Thu 20-Feb-25 10:47:12

My beautiful 21 year old granddaughter had a fuzzy top lip, as a little girl. I don’t know whether she has grown out of it or whether she does something about it. She is just as stunning as ever.
Just leave the little girl alone. It’s a long time since I looked at my back 😂

Babs03 Thu 20-Feb-25 11:55:01

All bodies are wonderful, try to impart this to your beautiful GD, there is a book called beautiful bodies or could be called bodies are beautiful, anyhow, my daughters read this to their children though it is perhaps a bit young for your GD. It celebrates everything about the body, every blemish or hair or disability is seen as a positive, something that makes us all unique and beautiful.
Don’t feel awkward about her back, she will pick up on this, make her feel strong about her own body, proud of it. Forget the backless dress, that sounds like a bad idea for all kinds of reasons, and don’t get into hair removal at this age, it can grow back thicker. If she wants it done when in her teens that’s is her call. Please don’t let her mum make that decision for he.

Babs03 Thu 20-Feb-25 11:59:16

Sorry is called bodies are cool.

Charleygirl5 Thu 20-Feb-25 22:42:57

She should see her GP because drugs may be the answer.

Rainbow1235 Thu 20-Feb-25 22:53:58

My daughter now 29 had and still has a slightly hairy back . We never made an issue of it and she’s a beautiful confident woman . My grandson whose 5 had a hairy back and so what !!! Leave your granddaughter alone and do not mess with nature. If and when she’s old enough to decide to do anything about it then at least it will be her choice !

Allira Thu 20-Feb-25 23:06:32

Some sensible answers on here and I can only reiterate what other posters have said.
A backless dress, unless a holiday sundress, sounds far too sophisticated for an 8 year old child anyway.

How does the child even know her back is hairy? It may be something she grows out of at puberty.

Delila Thu 20-Feb-25 23:35:11

This is not uncommon. I wouldn’t worry about it and would avoid drawing attention to the hair, it will probably disappear as she gets older. If your granddaughter has been teased, or received comments about it, the adults around her should try to give her the feeling that most people have something or other about them that is a bit different, and she’s absolutely gorgeous just as she is. I would choose clothes for her which do not expose her back - there are plenty of alternatives.

Hair removal may not be a good idea as it may change the texture of the hair making it more obvious.

CanadianGran Fri 21-Feb-25 03:39:28

The interesting thing to me is that the little girl can't see her own back, so someone else must be drawing her attention to this. And I would also question the style of dress chosen for the wedding, if it brings attention to this.

If anything, the easiest solution for now might be bleaching it, especially if her skin is pale. Then it is just pale peach-fuzz and less noticeable.

If the mum is worried about it, perhaps she should take her daughter to the doctor in case it is a hormonal imbalance.

PamelaJ1 Fri 21-Feb-25 06:58:46

I agree with CanadianGran
The ‘problem’ is obviously causing the little girl distress. Whatever we think about whether it should be an issue is irrelevant, she is aware of the hair and is upset so if something can be done to help then why not?
When she is older she may decide to have her back waxed until she is old enough to have IPL treatment, if she has pale skin and dark hair it should work very well.
Like others say, ditch the dress at the moment.

Granmarderby10 Sat 22-Feb-25 10:11:23

When I had very dark brown hair the closest to blonde I could achieve was auburn. So not often pale, peach, or fluff.!

Unless it is excessive on other parts of the body too I think it should be left well alone.
There is too much concentration centred on female looks and image and pandering to the pretty girl ideal.
Aspire for children to be content and confident.

jeanie99 Fri 28-Feb-25 12:55:48

Why would her mum put her in a low back dress when she is already worried about how she looks.

LaCrepescule Fri 28-Feb-25 14:51:10

My 25 year old daughter had a somewhat hairy back as a child. I never ever mentioned it. For all I know she still has but has never expressed any concern about it.
Agree with others; leave this well alone and put the poor child in a suitable dress. Can you imagine the harm it will do her to have her back waxed?
What is her mother thinking? 🙁

Franski Fri 28-Feb-25 19:15:27

When i saw the title Unwanted Hair i thought it would be about whiskers. Please dont call these girl's hair uunwanted. Who doesn't want it? Please signal you want her to be who she is. And a backless dress??. Plain daft for a load of reasons.

Redhead56 Sat 01-Mar-25 01:08:17

Read the responses you have been given and process what a ridiculous issue you have posted on here.

VelvetVinyl Sat 01-Mar-25 01:15:17

Hello,
I’m new here. Some may not like or agree with this response, but sometimes we may see things as silly, but to the person experiencing it, it can be traumatic. Times have changed and bullies are more prevalent than ever. If this bothers her so much, then she can try laser hair removal when she starts menstruating, for she is too young now. In the meantime, validate her feelings and build her confidence. I am a health coach, used to be a therapist, so I am trying to see this through the eyes of your granddaughter. This could be very painful for her.