Wedding photos

I think what a lot of posters are saying is that it isn't all about you. It is their wedding not yours so just do as they want on their special day.

I don't think it is usually vanity that makes people hate being photographed I think it is the opposite.

Reminds me of my Gran at my wedding. She was in a wheel chair and didn't want her photo taken , I insisted ( she wasn't
long for this world) Get me a glass of sherry then , she snapped
after the photo she said ' now take the filthy stuff away at least
I might look like I was enjoying myself'
I still have the photo and the fond memory of her.

Go to the wedding, smile and pose when asked and just get on with it! I dislike having my photo taken too but rarely look at the resulting photos.

Its what I do....when I whats app...when I text...🤷‍♀️🤣

I hate being photographed too but I think you will regret it later if you are not in the wedding photos of your DS. Photographers these days are very skilled in helping people feel at ease.

LOUISA1523

Honestly just suck it up...you not going to have any of the photos displayed in your home....its not worth falling out over .....this wedding is about them and its not too much to ask for the mother of the groom to be in the photos...its hardly bridezilla stuff....if you stay home then be prepared for the fallout ....don't do something you may regret .... I'm not you ...I don't know your history....but as an outsider I would think it very petty that the grooms mother was not in attendance over a photo disagreement...honestly it the young couples day ....just do it

Why all the …….. instead of normal punctuation? Not criticising, just really curious.

That's a good idea, Elowen not to look at the photos.

I'm quite surprised that having one's photo taken, even in a crowd, (I presume it's a bit of a crowd if it's a standard wedding) is such an issue for some people. I don't particularly like having mine taken but it's not an "issue". I just googled the question as to why it is an issue for some and that was quite interesting, also sad. The suggestion of vanity was wrong so I'm sorry about that.

Daddima

May I ask what exactly is the issue with the photophobics? Do you think you are better looking than you appear in photos, or do you think only good-looking people should want their picture taken, and you don’t consider yourself good-looking? Is it the feeling that you are being looked at?
I really would like to know, as I can’t understand someone actually considering not being at their son’s wedding if they have to have a photo taken.

I just can't stand the way I look, either in real life or in photos. I avoid looking in mirrors unless I absolutely have to, and I never look at photos of myself. I would never, ever, take a selfie, for instance. I genuinely can't understand why people would want to look at photos of themselves. I know that's a 'me' problem, but I can't help the way I feel.

The point about looking terrible in photos is that we think we look terrible, but others do not.

This was brought home to me recently when I looked through old photos. I have never looked good in photos, if you ask me, so imagine my surprise looking at a photo of myself aged twenty-five, when I caught myself thinking who is that attractive, pretty young woman? Followed by Help, it's me!

So, go to the wedding, stand where your son and daughter-in-law want you to when photos are being taken, and look happy.

If they give you a copy of the photo of the whole family, you don't need to display it, and indeed they will feel complimented if you ask if you can have one of the bride and bridegroom alone.

LOUISA1523

Norah

Surely OP can attend and not be in photos?

I dislike photos, I easily disappear when a camera appears.

Did you disappear as mother of the bride and groom and refuse to have your photo taken? How did the bride and groom take it when you did this?

No, we didn't disappear. We gave our preference, in advance. However, I always disappear if I see a camera or phone. My choice.

Our daughters have photo of bride & groom, also with our Priest.

No need for Dil to make demands.

I think YABU.

Baggs

Forgive me for being blunt, Lizzie, but I think this is rather vain. My grandparents weren't smiling in my parents' wedding photos but it's nice to see them as they were then. They didn't look cross either, they just stood there knowing it wasn't about them but their offspring.

I daresay there will be photos you don't have to be in but surely you can manage one or two?

You claim to be rarely anxious but this sounds like a long-running anxiety to me. Doesn't your son want you to be in one of the photos at his wedding?

I think it would be unreasonable of you not to attend because of this fear. Can you not get a dose of tranquilliser or something to see you through it?

No, it is not vain! I hate having my photograph taken too and avoid it whenever possible.

However, to overcome this for my daughter's wedding I actually practiced a 'photo-face' in the mirror by relaxing as much as possible and smiling 'gently' rather than a forced grin.

Lizzie, it is your DS wedding, do try to overcome this and be as casual as possible. Enjoy the wedding

Obviously they will want you in the wedding photos, if it bothers you so much then dont look at the photos.

You look the way you do, how you are in a photo is what you look like, a mirror shows a reverse image and you naturally ignore what you dont like.

It's going to be really sad for them in the future to have you missing from the photos of a family occasion. This is about their memories, not yours.

However, I do sympathise as I usually don't come out very well in posed photos (DS's wedding comes to mind!).

How about asking just to be included in 2 or 3 of the official photos? And maybe they could get the photographer to circulate before and/or after the ceremony to take informal photos.

May I ask what exactly is the issue with the photophobics? Do you think you are better looking than you appear in photos, or do you think only good-looking people should want their picture taken, and you don’t consider yourself good-looking? Is it the feeling that you are being looked at?
I really would like to know, as I can’t understand someone actually considering not being at their son’s wedding if they have to have a photo taken.

Smile and don’t cause any fuss.

I don't like getting my photo taken. However, I would not have dreamt of upsetting my children by not being in their wedding photos.

Sorry to be blunt, but it is their day, not yours. Do you raelly want to spoil the memory by either not being in the photos or even worse, not going at all.
It certainly doesn't bode well for your future relationship with your DIL

I could have written that. It's a standing joke in our family that if I ever disappeared, there would be no 'missing person' posters of me because there are no photos of me! I detest having my photo taken almost to the point of a phobia. I did, however, 'suck it up' and reluctantly agreed to be photographed when my son got married and then again at my daughter's wedding. I don't display those photos though - just those of the happy couples themselves. So I genuinely do understand how the OP feels. And it's not vanity. It runs far deeper than that, I can assure you.

Norah

Surely OP can attend and not be in photos?

I dislike photos, I easily disappear when a camera appears.

Did you disappear as mother of the bride and groom and refuse to have your photo taken? How did the bride and groom take it when you did this?

My mother felt the same way with the result that I have no official wedding photos with her in them. It is now many years since she died and it would be nice to be able to show my DCs and GCs pictures of my mother as they were either tiny or unborn when she died. In other words I think it is rather selfish of you to deny them future memories.

I hate having my photo taken too but I appear in them when asked for the sake of posterity.

Surely OP can attend and not be in photos?

I dislike photos, I easily disappear when a camera appears.

I hate having my photo taken as well.. last year I attended a family garden party, several 0s, & the party organiser wanted a good few photos, I just stood behind the tallest person there, I knew they would be plastered on FB.
You can hardly hide as you are a main guest. Poor you!

Hmm I knew someone who didn’t go to her sons wedding because there was something she didn’t like in the arrangements, that made her uncomfortable.

It was the start of a rift that was never healed.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t look great, I take terrible photos, often my eyes are shut or I have something akin to a grimace on my face, but for my ACs weddings I was photographed, after all was their big day.
Surely you want your DS and DiL to look back on their wedding day and see you there included in the memory.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.