Should phone calls be private?

Ugh, I hate it...in public anyway.
My daughter goes even further, makes video calls on speaker to her fiance. I always feel like there are 3 of us in the house. He's great and everything but sometimes I want a private chat with her without a 3rd person there!

I know I am old-fashioned, but I still believe it is rude to read a letter or a book when you are supposed to be having a conversation with friends, and answering the phone and then starting a long chat with the phone on speaker - well, words fail me.

I put my phone on silent when I am in company, on a bus, or in the doctor's waiting-room.

If I am waiting for a very important phone call obviously I cannot do so, but I would tell my visitor in advance that I would need to check my phone when it rings, and if it was the important call, I would answer, as the caller to hold on a second, excuse myself and leave the room to take the call.

To hold a telephone conversation, other than a few quick sentences, with anyone, when other people are around, is bad manners, whether the speaker is on or off.

To me, if you're in a group, a phone call should be very brief. If the call needs to get longer (eg that call back from the surgery), go somewhere else. I want to hear neither both sides of the call nor one side, thank you

Fine if you are home alone, if not then the call should not be on speaker.

I would use headphones if in public

Totally agree TillyTrotter, very rude to make or receive calls when in company or indeed in public.
Also dislike that speaker phone, husband input thing.
When meeting friends my phone is always on silent, no ringing, no pinging, not even vibrating. Friendship too valuable for interruption.

Rude to have it on speakerphone when others are there! 1. I don't want to hear your conversatiin. 2 Say you will phonethem back as now is not a suitable time

Drives me crazy people shouting down the phone in public, speaker phone is arrogant I walk in a shop and wait for them to be out of range. There's always someone around the pool on holiday listening to music without earphones equally need removing from public space.

M0nica

To hold a telephone conversation, other than a few quick sentences, with anyone, when other people are around, is bad manners, whether the speaker is on or off.

This is how I see it, I would not answer my phone at all unless it was someone I thought their call could be urgent. Then I would say I am with so and so can I phone you back or is it urgent. I would have my loud speaker on at that point as I can't her without, if it was urgent, I would excuse myself for the short period I would allow the person who is calling to tell me the problem.
My friend was here Saturday her step son in law phoned about something totally unimportant about a golf club booking, she spoke with him for 20 minutes, then proceeded to repeat the whole conversation to me afterwards, had she put the phone on speaker phone I would have know and could have participated, if that was not acceptable she should have phoned him back when she got home. I would never have a speaker phone call on the bus or anywhere else public. I quickly answer and tell them where I am and say I will phone them back later.
My late partner always chipped in if was speaking with a friend we both knew, they appeared to like it, but I definitely did not, He never did understand why. So each circumstance is different, but I think we can all agree that it is in the main rude to answer your phone when in company with others. It is equally rude to be constantly checking your phone for messages. My own son and daughter in law do that as well as a lot of friends, that really appears to be the norm now, definitely not forme.

his mum ringing him every 10 minutes is probably why his mental health is suffering

You could have all got up and moved to another table (assuming there was one) with someone saying "Tell us when you've finished so we can come back!"

Always have the phone on speaker at home as reception not that good and maybe neither is my hearing but never in public. In a social setting my phone would usually be muted but if not I would excuse myself and unless it was urgent I would just say I'd ring whoever it was later.
Baggs - I would not enjoy working in an office with someone who always had their phone on speaker, very difficult to ignore it and quite selfish when others are trying to concentrate on their own work and having to hear your conversations.

I once read that it's a sign of maturity to be able to leave the phone ringing if you're not in a position to answer it! Which is what I tend to do, then text back and say I couldn't answer.

I wouldn't be too happy if I discovered my phone conversations were being shared like this. My DH unashamedly asks me what I was talking about on the phone if he's overheard something he doesn't understand, so obviously he doesn't think listening-in is rude! I tend to keep anything confidential or private for 1:1 conversation!

I wouldn’t be able to hear anybody on my phone unless I put it on speaker,

Your friend should take that into account.

Younger folk seem okay with it as they have grown up with it,
but (showing my age now) I grew up in a home where you had to walk to the village telephone box to make a phone call (and have the change in your pocket to keep feeding the ‘phone)
and it was an era when nothing personal was discussed in front of me by older family members as I was “too young” to hear.
Oh how things have changed?

DH does this, I don't have to as I have bluetooth / hearing aids which is similarly OK to put down, but no-one else hears.

I think you should always tell whoever's calling that they're on speaker. What's to stop them making a rude comment about someone who may be / move into hearing range? Or otherwise broadcast something they meant for your ears only?

I think it’s rude in a public place but if it’s at home it’s fine so long as everyone participating knows it’s an open call. Quite often when my son calls or I phone him I’ll ask how DDiL is and he’ll say ‘You can ask her yourself - we’re on speaker and she’s here listening’. The first time it happened I was shocked as I thought it was just the two of us so I was sharing some confidential medical info with him. Since then I assume she is there too unless he tells me otherwise.

I think at the very least the person putting them on speaker should tell the other person it’s not a private call

My phone is never on speaker unless I’m in a phone queue and I’m pottering around waiting for my turn and then I take it off speaker when I’m speaking to someone. I think having a conversion in public and on speaker is rude and shows no regard for others .
If my phone rings and I’m in company , I make it quick and explain that I’m busy . If it’s important , I’ll say excuse me to those I’m with and go outside .
It drives me nuts when I’m with people and they have a long call whilst in company , again rude .
It’s also rude to continue a phone conversation when you’re being served by someone, eg at the checkout.
At work we have a no phones policy in the actual dental surgery but patients still take calls whilst in the chair . Some try and take selfies whilst I’m treating them .

JaneJudge

It’s a bit rude isn’t it. Reminds me of train guy, maybe friend 1 needs a capper choo choo

Hmmmm, reminds me of comedian Dom Jolly and the outsize mobile phone he used to carry down the street bellowing "I'm on the phone!!!"

Unexpected bonus of being a little deaf and using the new(ish) NHS hearing aids, they send the call directly to your hearing aids so no one can hear the other person on the end of the call

My closest affiliations, know to leave me a message on my Whats App which is encrypted.

This way, I can see whether it is urgent or not.

DEFINITELY for two and private .. I do not share my phone conversations.

Grandmabatty

I put the speaker on when answering a phone call because my hearing isn't great but usually it's just me in my house. I wouldn't put it on speaker if I was outdoors and especially not if the topic was sensitive

Me too.