When does a boyfriend become a partner

petra

fancythat

The young, up to about 40.

All young I know, know "the rules".

All changed about 20 years ago?
Maybe 15?

Can you explain what changed ^about 20 years ago^

I dont know.

But presume, since casual sex became mouch more the norm, and having multiple partners, some at the same time as another relationship on the go, that more descriptions were "needed".

One such one is "exclsuive".

Legally, it may well not make the slightest difference whether they call each other partners, boy/girl friend, fiances etc. as in most countries no matter how long they live together they are both regarded as single for all legal matters.

As far as your friends go, it is a fairly common relationship these days.

If I were asked what the exact relationship in such a case was by my acquaintance, I would reply that I had not felt it to be my business to ask.

Never knew there were rules??? It's howecer they refer to themselves if not sure ask her...

I find this thread very strange. Why on earth does it matter? It's up to them, surely.

fancythat

The young, up to about 40.

All young I know, know "the rules".

All changed about 20 years ago?
Maybe 15?

Can you explain what changed about 20 years ago

As regards marriage, it's well worth looking at what Martin Lewis outlines as: "the nine financial benefits of being married"! (Easily accessed online.)

Personally, I think it’s an age thing. My granddaughter has a boyfriend……..I have a partner, I am nearly fifty years older than her and I certainly would never refer to my OH as my boyfriend!

Very mysterious

The young, up to about 40.

All young I know, know "the rules".

All changed about 20 years ago?
Maybe 15?

fancythat

There are "rules".
Amongst the young. They know what they are.

There will be agreements between individuals and preferred vocabulary choices, but I doubt that there are rules that everyone is supposed to follow. And who are 'the young'? Do people of 20 behave in the same way as people in their 30s or 40s? I doubt it.

We have been partners for 46 years. We have never thought or spoken about marriage.

There are "rules".
Amongst the young. They know what they are.

One of my daughters and her partner boyfriend fiancé have lived together for twelve years. Their children are six and nine years old. They’re getting married this year and it’s planned to be a big party celebration

I don't think there are, or ever have been 'rules' - or not since having a partner you aren't married to was considered 'living in sin'.

My daughter has been with her chap for years but they have no plans to marry. This may or may not change, but it's their business, not mine. If I refer to them to others I just say 'Ermintrude and Dougal', as I'm unlikely to talk about them to people who don't know who they are. If there is someone new in the conversation I would probably add 'my daughter' and leave it at that. Context is usually enough to get the meaning over.

My mum had a man in her life after my father died. That was trickier, as calling him her boyfriend when they were in their 80s seemed inappropriate, but they didn't live together (and I have no wish to know anything about any sex life they may have had!) so 'partner' seemed confusing, and he wasn't my stepfather in any sensible sense, as I was an adult when my father died. Some sort of context was sometimes necessary though. I think I just burbled something about how he was my mum's significant other with a vague explanation. Nobody cares, really though.

My daughter nominated me until she had a partner.

I seem to think I a form each year asking if I still wanted to nominate my husband

V3ra

Regarding pensions: one company policy my husband had automatically came to me as his wife if he died, but there was a form included whereby he could have nominated anyone he chose to.

Yes, you don’t need to be married. I nominated my then partner for S/S pension on my death.

mumofmadboys

It's important to get married financially if it is a long term relationship. eg passing on your pensions to each other in the event of death

I don’t think you have to married to pass on your pension. When my friend’s brother died, his pension went to his partner, they weren’t married.

I'm not 100 percent sure there were ever any "rules"

Just what was accepted by the older people in society.

Admits I find the whole scene confusing....

The "rules" were much easier back along - and I think the bit that confuses me most is "exclusive". Errrr hello....if you have slept with them = of course you're exclusive (ie both of them being faithful to each other).

Then there's the Facebook stuff of announcing "In a relationship" with Mr/Ms X. They were in a relationship before they announced that - so why did they just go and announce it? Is that supposed to be interpreted as "We were being unfaithful to each other - and now we're going to be faithful"?

It was easier back along of:

Had a date or two
3rd date - you probably "did the deed" so to say and, at that point you were boyfriend and girlfriend and supposed to be faithful to each other
Living together = marriage without the ceremony and certificate
Engaged = May or may not be living together
Married
Married - and had children (if you wanted them) - after getting married and buying a house.

There are lots of good financial reasons to get married and also some reasons not to, it totally depends on the financial situation of the people in the relationship. My daughter has very good reasons for wanting to retain her financial independence and she is more than financially capable of raising children, should she have any, without financial support from a second party.

Regarding pensions: one company policy my husband had automatically came to me as his wife if he died, but there was a form included whereby he could have nominated anyone he chose to.

It's important to get married financially if it is a long term relationship. eg passing on your pensions to each other in the event of death

My daughter is in a long term relationship with no intentions of marrying. That's how I describe her but with the addition of " very happy". They might have children but I doubt that will change their marital status.

Her bloke?

Why not just use their names, e.g., "Jemima and James are well, thank you."