Neurodiversity

Iam64

Good at masking is a skill children learn early, especially those who realise they’re a bit different
Thanks for coming back buttonjugs. Labels is a dismissive way to describe a professional diagnosis
No wonder many children’s articulate needs go uncared for

I do not get this 'masking' business. I have ADHD and dyspraxia. My biggest problem at school, was that I couldn't mask. I was hopeless at pretending to be something I didn't understand, I also found it really very boring having to pretend to to be like people I had nothing in common with.

I just gave up and went for just being myself and if it cause problems, which it did, lived with them. Far more satisfaactory.

Jaxjaky, our family put money together for one of our eight year olds who was increasingly explosive. An excellent psychological assessment, including academic strengths and areas of challenge, advice to school and parents changed it all. A year in, all is well.

A private diagnosis of autism and appropriate medication has changed our granddaughter’s life, infinitely for the better. Waiting for the NHS assessment was proving intolerable for her whole family, it certainly isn’t a label, neither is her epilepsy.

Iam64

Good at masking is a skill children learn early, especially those who realise they’re a bit different
Thanks for coming back buttonjugs. Labels is a dismissive way to describe a professional diagnosis
No wonder many children’s articulate needs go uncared for

I so agree.

I wish both my daughters had been “labelled” in their school years, rather than masking and pretending all was fine, when it’s now very apparent it wasn’t “fine”.

Being dismissive of “labels” is almost as bad as denying these conditions exist.

No, we are not all a little bit autistic, some of us show some signs of being on the spectrum, perhaps very slightly, and would not display enough traits to meet a diagnosis.

Good at masking is a skill children learn early, especially those who realise they’re a bit different
Thanks for coming back buttonjugs. Labels is a dismissive way to describe a professional diagnosis
No wonder many children’s articulate needs go uncared for

Thanks all, I think I already knew there was nothing I could do. It was my neurodiverse son (not the father) who began noticing that the younger granddaughter showed characteristics of ASD. With the older one we have said we think she had ADHD but it gets brushed off. She doesn’t seem to struggle at school. I worry more about her sister because she hates school and often seems unhappy, just like my son at that age. Nothing has been picked up at school but then she probably is good at masking while there. She starts secondary school this year, so maybe it will be noticed there, I’ll just have to wait and see.

Sarnia
What is it with all this 'label' nonsense?
A professional assessment will provide a diagnosis which gives, in explicit detail, the assessment findings. This can lead to an EHCP (Educational Healthcare Plan) which will be tailored for the unique needs of that person. This legal document opens educational doors so that the student can access the best education for them as an individual.

We’ve come a long way since I was told by an Ed Psych that because I had more than one child that I assessed as having SEND, they could be taught in a group, despite the fact that I knew they had different problems.
The problem for some parents is that every EHCP does not necessarily entitle the child to have 1-1 support. Nor does it immediately solve all the child’s problems.

I think more and more children are being labelled because schools require them to all be round pegs. The square pegs can’t or won’t fit in the round holes provided and their schools fear they will fall short of their numerous targets.
The children have to all learn the same things and pass the same exams. If a child is different they must be labelled to excuse the school for failing to make them just the way they’re supposed to be.

Sarnia

FranP

Trouble with labelling is that schools can typecast with common adjustments. Despite a common label, we can need different things. One child with hearing problems may lipread, another may not be able to for example.

It is a double edged sword. I guess we coped and managed to fit in, so there is a balance somewhere between allowing us to do what we like and encouraging us to interact and try.

What is it with all this 'label' nonsense?
A professional assessment will provide a diagnosis which gives, in explicit detail, the assessment findings. This can lead to an EHCP (Educational Healthcare Plan) which will be tailored for the unique needs of that person. This legal document opens educational doors so that the student can access the best education for them as an individual.

The EHCPs are given to the really challenged kids.
Our child and similar to her who are just shy and have few sensitivities and are A students do not need assessments or diagnoses for things they do not have. This is where the issue lies

FranP

Trouble with labelling is that schools can typecast with common adjustments. Despite a common label, we can need different things. One child with hearing problems may lipread, another may not be able to for example.

It is a double edged sword. I guess we coped and managed to fit in, so there is a balance somewhere between allowing us to do what we like and encouraging us to interact and try.

What is it with all this 'label' nonsense?
A professional assessment will provide a diagnosis which gives, in explicit detail, the assessment findings. This can lead to an EHCP (Educational Healthcare Plan) which will be tailored for the unique needs of that person. This legal document opens educational doors so that the student can access the best education for them as an individual.

Aveline

Nobody is ASD. They may be on the autism spectrum somewhere but there is always more to a person than just autism. All the other genetic components and their life experience contributes to their personality and presentation.

Agree to this as well. We are human beings and have much more to us than a silly label ....

Elowen33

If their parents do not think they need extra support at school there is no point in giving them a label.

I would think the parents, who spend the most time with them would no if they needed any extra help.

I agree with this approach. Someone suggested our daughter be assessed for things, the school said No, she is very very focused, great student.

Then we needed help with other presentations, someone suggested all sorts. Then I said No. Found a private specialist who cured our daughter of her presentations with a single meeting. So glad my child does not live with forced labels and knows her worth

Trouble with labelling is that schools can typecast with common adjustments. Despite a common label, we can need different things. One child with hearing problems may lipread, another may not be able to for example.

It is a double edged sword. I guess we coped and managed to fit in, so there is a balance somewhere between allowing us to do what we like and encouraging us to interact and try.

dogsmother

I really wish I could have been understood and “labelled” as a child perhaps it would have made life so much easier. There seems to me no doubt I had/have some form of adhd at least now I can stop take a deep breath and try to focus.
I think it’s a case of if you know you get it.

Me too. The times my mum was cross with me at something & I said "I tried" & she would just said "you couldn't have tried very hard".
Dad was more accepting & generally just loved me unconditionally - but I think even with parent - child love he may have been the exception, not the rule.

dogsmother

I really wish I could have been understood and “labelled” as a child perhaps it would have made life so much easier. There seems to me no doubt I had/have some form of adhd at least now I can stop take a deep breath and try to focus.
I think it’s a case of if you know you get it.

I agree.
I was 60 when my then boss was playing about with a personality profiling system. She diagnosed me as an "introspective introvert" and then set about bullying me out of my job. But she did me a favour, because someone else I told suggested that meant autism.
too late to help. but made me stop fighting my nature, and gave me the ability to withdraw when I felt overwhelmed.

Maremia

If they are getting along fine, then let them be. Just be ready to gently use strategies that have helped you, if and when needed.

I agree.
I know next to nothing about this subject but good advice on here.

Granmarderby10

Having a label is helpful if it leads to greater understanding by the important people in their lives ie family and teachers and an improved experience for the child.

Exactly, well said!

I’m with MOnica on the positives we can take from diagnosis. I do not see it as a negative label but as a gateway to understanding . Our neurodiverse family members don’t see themselves as any kind of victims

If they need support in some way then an assessment might be useful. My daughter has recently been diagnosed. The reasonable adjustments she needed in secondary, I’d already advocated for. The therapy she needs, which I hoped would follow post diagnosis apparently isn’t available on the NHS. So am not convinced going through the process was worth it with hindsight.

Having a label is helpful if it leads to greater understanding by the important people in their lives ie family and teachers and an improved experience for the child.

I’d leave it to the parents, and above all, if they ever tell you that they’re concerned, don’t tell them that you already knew/suspected. Just be a kind supportive grandparent.

Leave it to their parents.

All these people who go on about labelling. Would their response be the same if they had cancer? Would they refuse a diagnosis (and treatment) because they did not want o be 'labelled'.

It is not the label but your response to it. There are two responses. The first one is th 'victim status' response always whining and complaining and using the label as an excuse foreverything. The secondis the 'I am in charge' response that says 'now I know what the problem is, I am in a position to find answers and solutions'. These can be not trying to do things that will always defeat you - I have dyspraxia case so in my case riding a bike and whizzing around is a non-starter, I have given up on. I can ride a bike - just - but I put the fear of God in other road users, as it is clear the bike is in charge, not me. On the other hand I can work at routines and work rounds that help me in other circumstances..

There is nothing the OP can do to get the children diagnosed. What she can do is use her knowledge and understanding of the children's problem to guide and inform her response to them in a way that supports both children and parents. Nothing needs to admitted or said.

justwokeup

Buttonjugs if you are correct, their mother almost certainly suspects too but doesn’t want to do anything yet or doesn’t know what to do. She needs time. You don’t say how old they are but, if they go to school, their teacher might initiate the conversation. Don’t try to move anything along yourself though, you can’t win that battle and you could be wrong anyway. Just try to treat your grandchildren with the understanding and patience you would have liked for yourself, no more than you’d expect from a grandma.

This is great advice, however my daughters both “missed out” in being picked up at school because they are both high functioning and very good at “masking”. This is incredibly common amongst females.

dogsmother

I really wish I could have been understood and “labelled” as a child perhaps it would have made life so much easier. There seems to me no doubt I had/have some form of adhd at least now I can stop take a deep breath and try to focus.
I think it’s a case of if you know you get it.

I couldn’t agree more.