Letter

Parky,you are under so much stress and I feel for you. Has he a partner, if he lives alone I would be very concerned and certainly alarm bells would be ringing.I would contact your grandchildren even if they are at college, you can make it light, a card saying you're thinking of them and how are they doing, thats not being a nuisance, that is contact and caring.

Personally I'd phone him and if he doesn't answer I'd contact the local health service or police and see if they can do a "safe and well" check.

It seems imperative that he's safe - and a letter could take days to get thete.

Smileless2012

Just be honest Parky and tell him you don't want to be a nuisance or demanding but are concerned because you haven't heard from him in a while.

Fingers crossed that all is well .

This exactly.
Don't beat about the bush or send small talk.

You are sinply checking he's OK.

I'd write everything down just as you feel and put it into chatgpt. It will adapt to the tone you want and you can edit as necessary.

Write briefly, telling him much the same as you have written here.

And try not to worry if you get no reply. (Easier said than done).

After all if he were in any serious trouble, either he or someone else would surely have been in touch with you.

InRainbows - Great advice!

If I didn’t hear from my sons in over one month then alarm bell would be ringing. Just send a letter asking him if he is ok and could he get in touch and why the silent treatment. Hugs.

Think I will followInrainbows excellent advice, but in a letter. I'm pretty certain he hasn't moved. I do know I would have heard if anything terrible had happened. Think it might be work related, as he loved telling us of his successes

Parky

Thank you all for advice. He is just ignoring my calls and texts. I will write a non critical letter updating him on our situation, his father has been diagnosed with alzheimer's.

Can't casually turn up as he is 5,000 miles away. Don't want to contact his children who are at college.

Could really do with normal relationship with him

You are under great stress at the moment, don't let that cloud your communication, it is too easily done. For whatever reason your son is not responding and you don't know what is happening his end or what he might be struggling with. This news is awful for you and your husband but may not be the right time to share if communication is breaking down.

If you are absolutely sure he is ignoring your calls and messages, I would send just one more saying something very simple like "I am worried about you, please could you just let me know if you are ok. If you would like me to stop contacting you at the moment, please say so and I will step back until you are ready".

When you say he’s ‘unavailable’, who told you that? Could that person check on him for you?

Do you know he’s ignoring your calls how do you know something hasn’t happened to him sorry to be all morbid but anything could have happened
I can’t see what’s wrong in asking the children who are in college (so nearly grown) if Dads alright as you can’t get through or has he changed his phone number ?
Or if he has a wife/ partner/girlfriend…. I couldn’t have left it a month but then that’s me

Are you saying your relationship has never been normal so this happens from time to time ?

Are you sure he is ignoring your whatsapps...blue ticks showing.
When you say write a letter, do you mean postal or email? I would start with email.
Perhaps there is something going on in his life that doesn't want to tell you.

I would say, be chatty, newsy, no guilt-tripping. Tell him you care. Good luck xx

Thank you all for advice. He is just ignoring my calls and texts. I will write a non critical letter updating him on our situation, his father has been diagnosed with alzheimer's.

Can't casually turn up as he is 5,000 miles away. Don't want to contact his children who are at college.

Could really do with normal relationship with him

If you write don’t forget put your address in the back of the envelope. I hope you hear something soon. My AC lives abroad too but I do know one or two friends I could probably contact if necessary.

Good advice here. I atreee with what Elegran says. I take it you’ve tried “phoning and presumably it goes on to voicemail?
It is worrying and I really do hope you find a resolution to this. Even a visit possibly?

So you know he is receiving the messages?
Or that someone is?

Do write to him and let him know that you love him and are there for him if he needs you. And as another poster said include news from home, keep it chatty.
Sometimes adult children have such busy lives that they simply forget to contact their parents, but understandably you are worried, hope all is well 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

He could possibly have changed his number and forgotten to tell you. Do you know anyone else who lives local to him who could go check in with him?

As for the letter, yes, good idea to write to him to bring him up to date with all what’s happening with and around you but keep it lighthearted and newsy.

As a last resort could you visit him on speck by arranging a short break to where he lives?

Just be honest Parky and tell him you don't want to be a nuisance or demanding but are concerned because you haven't heard from him in a while.

Fingers crossed that all is well .

I would be concerned if he normally keeps in touch.
A letter is a good idea just to ask if all is well. I would say you are a little worried and can he just let you know how he is doing.

Have you any bits of news that he hasn't heard about? If so, you could start your letter by saying you hadn't had your usual chats recently, so you thought you would write and catch up with him. Tell him all your news, then ask how he is doing and say you hope not catching him at home doesn't mean he's not well, End with your love and so on. Don't criticise him for not contacting you until you know that all is well. He is probably busy, maybe found a new girlfriend, but jogging his memory gently should get you a reply.

I have 4 nephews early 50s …I would be concerned if I hadn’t heard from any of them in 1 month …yes send letter now.. just say you’re concerned and ask him if needs anything…does he have siblings?

Have you anyone else partner, friends, grown children etc to ask if he’s ok because if it’s out of character there could be something wrong I m not wanting to be scare mongering but if I was used to fairly regular contact I d be very worried there was a problem why he wasn’t or couldn’t contact you
I m just thinking about my adult children living overseas if I suddenly for no reason lost contact I d be very concerned indeed