Feeling let down

So sorry to hear about your husband and l do hope he improves, such difficult times for you and your family. I don't think you're being over sensitive l think your friends are behaving very, very poorly. As you said, your family snc neighbours have rallied. It's often in our darkest moments that people surprise us (both in good or bad ways) and this certainly seems to be your experience. I wouldn't cut all Tues with these old friends but certainly you have enough on your plate without trying to maintain friendships which haven't proved positive for you. Just let them go for now, times change, people come and go, their loss. Wish you well x

Tues = ties. Think the rest makes sense.

What's that phrase, "when people show you who they are..."
Fair weather friends we can do without.
It's a real slap in the face though isn't it? As if you haven't had enough upset this year.
I wouldn't waste any more time worrying about them.

How lovely to have caring family and neighbours Babs03, they're your future now 😊

So sorry about your poor husband x

Glad your family and neighbours are supportive, possibly your friends didn’t know what to say to you. In such a difficult situation they may have thought that any happy news of their own could seem insensitive whereas less positive news might seem as if they were wanting your sympathy. They did ask how things were going. Although starting a new WhatsApp group seems odd you could perhaps send a message to them all saying how your life has changed and that you would like to see them and catch up when your responsibilities permit.
I hope things improve for you because as one gets older long lasting friendships become more important.

Thanks all for replies.
Btw am up late because I just can’t sleep in this heat. Has cooled down in some places but still too hot here.
I think is best just to leave it.
Perhaps they did feel unable to respond to what I was going through, not sure about WhatsApp group but maybe they felt bad about mentioning any good news etc.
In any case I have too much on my plate right now to worry about it.
Tomorrow two neighbours are coming to sit with my DH and keep him happy so that I can nip to the shops and get some time away from home.

I'm so sorry about your husband. As to those 'friends' I hear this time and time again. When the chips are down, most people (with a few exceptions) are only interested in their own families and themselves.

Babs03 - sorry about your husband’s health issues. Hope he recovers well,
Glad you have good neighbours - they are worth their weight in gold. Just ignore the rest of these fair-weather friends. You don’t need them in your life.

Hope you husband makes a good recovery and you are lucky to have good neighbours but re you first query about your WhatsApp friends I m sorry to say I think they are fair weather friends and this is not uncommon I have a group of old school friends and we meet once a month for a meal and chat that I have always organised but I realise more and more that not one would help if I was in trouble and I also realise that the only thing I like about this group is the length of time we ve known each other
I think your group were truly mean to start a new group snd not tell you and I don’t think they are worth worrying about
My advise is move on you ve had a break now see how many message you to see how you are managing, my guess is none if one does stay in touch with that one

Babs03 sorry to hear about your husband, just cut your losses with the WhatsApp group move on with your new friends. Thankfully your family are very supportive, you’ll need them in times to come. Take care my friend 💐💐

Thanks all and to be honest I have made a few good friends on this very site who have supported me through the past few months.
Is just a shame because I imagined my circle of friends would be there for me the same as I have been there for them over the years.
But no point feeling sorry for myself, all that really matters is being there for a man who was always there for me since I was 19 years old.

So sorry to hear what you are going through Babs. I found out who my true friends were when I was having cancer treatment. Some people just can’t deal with bad news and don’t know what to do. I don’t think they are being deliberately unkind although it is very hurtful.

I would just concentrate on those who are there.

I’m sorry to say that I think anyone who becomes a carer experiences this.

When you don’t “fit” into the group dynamic anymore, you get put away, like a winter coat in Summer.

You can bet if the weather turns for any of them they’ll be looking for that nice warm coat again.

Sorry to compare you to a coat 🙂

Personally I could swallow down the lack of help but the separate Whatsapp group would be the end for me. I have no idea what idea why that seems so very much worse. So deliberately unkind.

I hope your husband is making a good recovery. 💐

So sorry to hear your husband is so ill and I hope his health improves.

Yes - it is so hurtful and sad when friends we feel will there for us just aren't. Especially when you've shown them care and kindness in the past.

However, the two neighbours who have stepped up to give you some time to go shopping have really shown their true colours.
Good neighbours are so valuable and I'm glad they are thoughtful and care enough to help you.

Being let down by friends is really hard to take .

But some people are users .

For years ,a neighbour used my parking space -how quickly it became her right !
One of her visitors snapped my head off because the space was occupied .
There were several times when I realised that she was just using me .
We are on WhatsApp and are polite ,but I'm more cautious of her .

The biggest shock is a friend of 25 ýears standing -
who regularly called on my father and me when she was fed up with her family .
She complained endlessly about them
(it's all we heard ) and often outstayed her welcome .
We sympathised and showered her with compliments .
She met a new friend about three years ago and does child minding and chores for her .
To be frank , she seems to be completely obsessed with her .
I occasionally see her and we've gone out a couple of times , but her attitude towards me can be condescending and unpleasant .
I think that she compares me to her friend and she is younger , fitter and very generous with money and gifts .
So far , I've said nothing .
Over the last couple of years ,I've struggled to get my shopping and medication and I don't ask her .
And I won't .

I'm sorry Babs your DH has been so unwell. I am on a WhatsApp group with a group of girlfriends and we walk together about 3 times a year and have done for many years. One members husband had cancer and died after two and a half years. It was difficult after difficult medical updates to carry on with the trivial chat we usually engage in. The group did surround this member with love and concern. However I do see that in the midst if one person's hard times it is very difficult to chat as normal. Why not ask to be added to the new group and see how it goes? I hope your old friends become more supportive. x

So sorry.
That is bad behaviour by your friends.
I wuld be upset as well.

Glad you have other people who have been stepping up.

No good deed goes unpunished. It seems that, however caring, understanding and helpful you are, some friends just don't feel the need reciprocate. You probably find their attitude baffling as you clearly come from a supportive family.

I am very sorry to read of your troubles and I hope things become easier for you and DH.

You call them your friends I wouldn't use that word to describe them

With friends like tgat. You don't need enemies

The Good news is yoy HAVE family that live you. And stepped in when needed

Lesson learnt. You know WHO you can truly rely on

See it as a blessing as ypur so called friends showed their true ugly colours

Sorry you had to experience that

Sorry for the typos...but you know what I mean x