Retirement

keeping quiet:
You reflect exactly how I feel too. I am not unhappy and continue to look after grandchildren with absolute pleasure. However, we to be very careful with our money even though our mortgage is paid off. I can’t find activities which engage and make me want to return over time. Very difficult to make new friends too after moving house and retirement. I am not a very good ‘joiner’ which doesn’t help.

I don’t agree. Just wait and see how you feel. Take your time and enjoy your freedom for a while. Plenty of time to decide what you want to (or not) do next.

I used to run Pre-Retireent courses and the advice was to plan what you are going to do before you retire, don’t wait until you are sitting at home twiddling your thumbs and being miserable. Sit down now and make a list of what you think you would like to do, for example do you still want to do some work paid or voluntary, if so spend time looking on recruitment websites for part time jobs or local websites for voluntary work ( your local council probably has a list of voluntary organisations) Don’t limit your searches to the type of job you are retiring from but look at other opportunities that would meet your skill set and that would interest you. I volunteered for Citizens Advice despite having no previous experience in this field. Remember you don’t have to be tied, you can always leave if you don’t like it. If you don’t want to work,what other things interest you, travel, further education? It’s not too late to learn a new skill or take a qualification. The world is your oyster and doing the research is fun. Enjoy.

I could give you a list of all the things I do but it would be very long and I am sure you are aware of all the things you might join and do.
My advice to you would be to take the plunge and try these things now while you are able. My health problems are curtailing my ability to do them now and it feels as though this has happened far too soon.
Can you think what is making you anxious and depressed about it? Might it help to start putting some plans in place? ... maybe reaching out to some of the things you know are there?

I agree with Babs. It’s hard to suggest anything that might help without a few more facts like single/family/affluence/interests etc.

One man’s meat is another man’s poison😬

I think you have to try things and see how you like it. It took me a while to find what I enjoy. I tried lots of U3A groups some were for me and some disappointing. I settled on two, a reading group and a piano group.

As I am an outdoors person and luckily fit and healthy I do volunteer work at local woods and joined a village environment group. I also do occasional volunteer work for Heart of England Forest. These don't require a regular commitment.

The piano group have resulted in me having piano lessons and I really enjoy playing. I am not taking exams so no pressure - I am happy to stay at intermediate level.

I am also a Trustee at the Village Hall. I am finding this turning out to becoming a part time unpaid administrator as none of the other trustees other than the Chair do anything! There is also some unpleasant politics at meetings. I just resigned however the Chair has asked me to reconsider. I have decided to step back from some of the tasks I do if I come back (never volunteer for Health and Safety!).

I do Pilates and also enjoy cycling on my e-bike - going on the shorter routes.

We also have two dogs ...

And like others here, we have a caravan so spend 2 x 5 weeks in France per year and have started having a few non-caravan holidays as there are no pockets in a shroud.

I do admit I suffer from SAD in the winter and it really impacts me being an outdoors person.

You've earnt it so enjoy, it’s a big club. Take life one day at a time, then start doing all the things you never had time for. Plan short breaks or a holiday of a lifetime.

My advice would be firstly allow yourself a "holiday". So when you first retire, I think if you look in the long term and start wondering what you can afford and what to do etc., that is a way to become more anxious. While you were at work, you no doubt took holidays and at that time you would be choosing what to do and where to go and what you could afford, but you were not wondering what you might do in the next ten years. So I suggest you begin by having a holiday. This time you can not only choose where or what you would like to do, but also have the luxury of choosing when. You will be able to go outside school holidays, stay a bit longer or go in the middle of the week or whatever. You might choose to drive somewhere and stop overnight on the way and have a chance to call in at a National Trust place you havent visited before. Dont try and look miles in the future, just enjoy that extra freedom and hey you can even decide to stay away for an extra day or so, nothing to stop you!! Now if you had been offered that whilst you were at work you would have thought that was great!!
While you are off and about, you might also think of things you had wanted to do in the past, but hadnt the time. With only one holiday a year you probably didnt risk something new. Well this time of year is the start of school and of course the start of new evening classes etc. So, for me, it is like a child in a sweety shop, looking at all the courses that are going on. You could try a beginners course in all sorts of things, baking making pots, playing bridge , woodwork or whatever. As a beginner there is no pressure, you can just try something for a while. The result might be you find something you love and go on with it, or dont enjoy it and pack it in very quickly. Again doesnt matter which it is, you are having the opportunity to have a go at something you have never tried before.

Now I have always helped with charities during my life, and it has changed according to where I was and what my life was doing at the time. So again my suggestion is at first dont commit yourself to a set time in anything to begin with. My cautious way was to offer what time I could but state it was only possible for a set period of perhaps a month as I might be going away or whatever. Whilst that might be true or not, having a go for a month or so, will show you exactly what is required and you can then decide if that is something you want to throw yourself into or not. You might also consider things like helping at things like cubs or brownies, where they are always needing help, or there might be schools that would be glad of help with things like hearing children read . You have a huge choice. Helping with things like plant stalls or baking or whatever for a charity not only means that you meet a lot of people also helping in the same thing, they will be telling you about other things happening near you. I would also suggest that you get your local newspaper every week, and start looking at what is happening near you. For me the balance is in trying things out, not overcommitting yourself in the beginning , but the more you share and help you will find the place you want to be and I am sure there will be something you enjoy that you wonder why it has taken you so long to find it. Do you like gardening/ Are you happy to just do ordinary things like weeding and so forth. There are many people who cant manage their gardens as they would like through ill health or whatever. You would certainly find yourself in demand , whether you kindly helped out a neighbour, or decided to do it as a part time job. So I think that your first port of call is the library, where there will be all the notices about what is going on in your area. You could look at what was on offer while you are away on your little holiday. Good luck in finding something you enjoy, keep looking on here for lots of info, comments and ideas. Do let us know some of the highs and lows of things you have tried, whether it is deep sea diving or becoming a model in a life class at the local art college!!

Look in your area for as many groups as you can. These may be things you used to do, but work and family meant you stopped. These may be learning new skills.
Lots of college courses start in September. Have a look on line to see what's available, even if it's for Sept 2026.

It is a huge change in your life, there’s no denying it, but you now have the freedom to please yourself. When the weather’s nasty you can get up late and spend the day as you choose.
How about learning a new skill, or gaining a qualification in something, just for fun.
Travel might be an option, days out to places that are new to you. Have you got your bus pass? Cinemas and theatres have matinee performances with reduced rates for pensioners.
Above all take your time to adjust and perhaps begin with a list of the things you want to do.

If you are well enough to keep active you will wonder how you found the time to go to work. I did 45 years and take my hat off to your 50.
Take some time for yourself relax and look around to see what is going on in your area. Congratulations and enjoy the next part of your life.

What sort of advice are you looking for?

I retired in my late 50s, and have never regretted it. I did (very) part-time work until this year when I got my SP, and that eased me into full retirement and kept me economically active. I joined a number of groups, and started up a couple of my own. I made a conscious effort to meet new people after lockdown, as I could see myself settling into a rut if I didn't. It was slow at first, but now I have a wide social circle, which I like.

Financially, I lived on savings for 18 months or so, then on my occupational pension, which was reduced for various reasons. Luckily my husband has a good pension and is happy for me to help him spend it . I don't have a particularly extravagant lifestyle, and no longer spend on commuting, work clothes or the sort of socialising that goes with working in a city, so I don't feel hard up.

I love not setting the alarm before I go to bed, and being able to decide what to do every day. During the first year I still noticed the various times of the working year, and thought 'I'd be doing X this week', but that wore off quite quickly.

My advice would be to give it a year or so to see what you want to do, rather than feel you have to rush into anything. It's perfectly ok to put your feet up and just 'be', and if you get bored (I didn't) then you can find something to fill the time. You will probably find that it fills itself.

I retired at 59 - by mistake! My DM had just been admitted to a (lovely) care home with dementia and my work 50 miles away meant I couldn't see her very often, so I took a year's sabbatical with the full support of my manager and his director. Unfortunately DM died suddenly three months later (unrelated to dementia) and whilst I went back to work it was not in the same job and I hated it. I decided to take early retirement and live on my company pension (plus DH's salary as he was still at work). I had three dreadful years of depression (didn't recognise it as such until it was over). DH then retired and went to a u3a meeting, and dragged me reluctantly along to the next one. I found everyone to be so friendly and welcoming and joined up. Before long I was attending three different groups and getting to know some lovely people, and next I was on the Committee and then Treasurer. It filled so many gaps in my life.

Now 14 years on and I am loving retirement (apart from the ill health that can strike us all, and has stricken both me and DH, but we carry one as best we can), have spent a lot of time helping out with GCs, and had lots of holidays in both our touring caravan and on the high seas (having never been interested in foreign travel previously).

I can't say either of us have made "special" friends but I can go to any monthly meeting or coffee morning, as well as the interest groups we've joined, and spend a good couple of hours chatting with like-minded people every week. I'm 100% sure that if (when) either of us passes away there will be lots of people to help me/him through it. You cannot ask for more from people.

If I were not so busy with the u3a (and we still holiday in the UK several times a year with our touring caravan) I would certainly get involved with other charities, maybe a choir, perhaps a bridge club, or just a Knit and Natter group!

We're also regular leaflet deliverers for a nearby Constituency for the Party we have supported almost all our lives - not just graft, but social events as well, and this gives us a feeling of supporting the community/the country.

Not everything I have done/joined has been exactly rewarding - I joined a Genealogy society and found I was streets ahead of everyone. It was nice to help people out with their research but I didn't get a lot out of it for myself. I might go back to Cryptic Crosswords as this could be useful if I find I am housebound at some point in the future.

I would say "Give things a whirl" and see what happens. There is a lot of stuff out there to keep you busy/interested and give you some company.

Momac55

I’m retiring soon. After 50 years service. I’m depressed and anxious.
Any advice

Are you alone or retiring with a partner/spouse?
Also was your line of work something you found enjoyable and rewarding and so are loathed to give it up??
A bit more info would help to give advice.

I retired June 2021. I just relished the freedom for a year and didn’t do much. Then decided that wasn’t enough…. Now help with food bank two mornings a week, charity shop one afternoon a week and volunteer in local hospital for four hours a week. Also look after grandchildren when needed. Life is good. Long may it last.

I retired end of March. I was 64 last week. I haven't done very much yet. After a life time in childcare and looking after children, grandchildren, caring for first husband who died in 2007 then father 5 years later, I'm just enjoying some me time

What is making you depressed and anxious?

keepingquiet

I retired two years ago. I was ready to finish work, but not ready for retirement.

Whilst not a huge disappointment it has been more challenging that I thought with family making demands on my time, friends reluctant to do much or go anywhere.

Doing voluntary work hasn't proved productive either.

I was full of good intentions regarding getting involved in classes and groups etc, going swimming, walking etc etc but things just didn't work out.

Maybe I thought retirement was going to be fun, meeting new people, travelling, getting fit etc.

I don't care so much now, because I take every day as it comes.

I don't have as much money as I thought I would either... I'm sure people will put more positive comments but I'm agraid I can't.

I could have written this keepingquiet! I was full of good intentions too but things keep getting in the way - family commitments, health issues etc. I've just turned 70 and have decided I must get my act togethet and make more of an effort. Easier said than done!

I retired two years ago. I was ready to finish work, but not ready for retirement.

Whilst not a huge disappointment it has been more challenging that I thought with family making demands on my time, friends reluctant to do much or go anywhere.

Doing voluntary work hasn't proved productive either.

I was full of good intentions regarding getting involved in classes and groups etc, going swimming, walking etc etc but things just didn't work out.

Maybe I thought retirement was going to be fun, meeting new people, travelling, getting fit etc.

I don't care so much now, because I take every day as it comes.

I don't have as much money as I thought I would either... I'm sure people will put more positive comments but I'm agraid I can't.

Make the most of it. I assume you will have a decent pension after 50 years. Join things and enjoy yourself.