Living alone worries

Charleygirl5

I am 81, live alone and have no relatives, so I have nobody who could hotfoot it here if I had an accident.

Where I live in a small mews, half the houses are rented, the remainder owned. I had an accident on the road outside my house this week. I cannot get up without help. I made it to the kerb, the contents of my gaf strewn over the road. A car came, eased its way around my belongings, parked carefully then the pair walked to their house.

I called for help, and they helped me to my feet reluctantly, but they did not check if I could get to my door as they walked home. I thought that was so callous.

Unbelievable! Hope you are ok now.

Abnuyc123 - I have given my daughter’s tel no to my opposite neighbour. If she sees my car in the drive and no activity in my house, I have asked her to come and check on me. She has the key to my house .

I am 81, live alone and have no relatives, so I have nobody who could hotfoot it here if I had an accident.

Where I live in a small mews, half the houses are rented, the remainder owned. I had an accident on the road outside my house this week. I cannot get up without help. I made it to the kerb, the contents of my gaf strewn over the road. A car came, eased its way around my belongings, parked carefully then the pair walked to their house.

I called for help, and they helped me to my feet reluctantly, but they did not check if I could get to my door as they walked home. I thought that was so callous.

It’s absolutely fine, no apology necessary. x

Abnuyc123

I’m absolutely fine, thanks. I do have friends and hobbies and I see plenty of my family. I can manage perfectly well with my own company for some days.

It was purely the living alone and checking in with someone, that I needed advice for.

Apologies if I blundered in there.

Some people have a tracker on their phone so that a relative could see that you hadn’t moved for hours. It wouldn’t work for me because I quite often leave my phone up in the bedroom or at home when I go out but it could work well for those who always carry their phone about with them.

Personally I wouldn’t want my children to know where I am all the time. Not quite sure why. It’s not like I’m doing anything illegal

Oldbutstilluseful

I text a retired friend every morning. If she doesn’t hear from me after an hour she calls. If I don’t reply she rings my daughter or one of other numbers she has as emergency contacts. I also set a timer on my phone as I have been known to forget!
Hope this helps.

What a great way to safeguard one another!
Lifelines are a great idea too.
I always make a point, when I’m alone in the house, to always have my mobile to hand just in case.

I’m absolutely fine, thanks. I do have friends and hobbies and I see plenty of my family. I can manage perfectly well with my own company for some days.

It was purely the living alone and checking in with someone, that I needed advice for.

shysal

DD1 and I exchange texts every morning and evening, which works well.
If you had a similar arrangement including giving a key, the dog wouldn't be alone for long.

My 93 year old single neighbour was fiercely independent, but I used to watch for her blind closing at bedtime and opening in the morning, which made her cross when she forgot and I phoned to check on her. However, she did give me a key and it paid off a few weeks ago when I found her on the floor unconscious having had a stroke, so was able to call an ambulance. She had no local relatives so could have lain there for days.

Well done Shysal! Should it be a duty of GPs to employ a worker who pro-actively checks on at -risk patients?

You can wear one of those emergency button necklets, so that if you fall or are ill you just press it to summon help via your landline.

The service then alerts your named responder to hotfoot over and see what's up. We were volunteer "first responder" for many years, for a widowed neighbour next door who had no family. When we moved away, another neighbour joined up as her first responder.

It was a great reassurance to her ( and us!) that she could summon help when she needed it, even if she couldn't get up, or out of bed.

I'm 74 and still fit and able, but I'm conscious of the fact that it could all change in an instant.
My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years ago.
Initially, I went through a phase of worrying that something similar could happen to me. I was particularly concerned whenever I had the grandchildren to stay with me.

As they were 9 at the time, we had a chat about emergency procedures, if ever they found granny in a crumpled heap in the house.
We drew up a list of numbers to call etc.
Now they're older, they don't come to sleep over so thats no longer an issue.
When I cared for my baby granddaughter, a friend would come and stay.

I'm no longer in that kind of mindset, thankfully.
My son lives a 20 minute drive away and has a set of keys and my neighbours either side keep a watchful eye on my curtains, An indicator of whether I'm up and about.
I try to remember to carry my phone around and my house keys as they have a burglar alarm key fob which includes a panic alarm button.
Other than that, I just get on with life as best I can. 🤞

I've been on my own for over 16 years now so am very used to it. One of my sons whatsapp's me every day to make sure I'm ok. And I have an Alexa set up to call him if I simply shout his name.
I am pretty scared of lying here after a stroke or similar, but try to push it aside in my head and just hope for the best.
I don't have any help other than a nice gardener/window cleaner chap.
So far so good, but I am aware that something is going to happen in the not so distant future... I'm 88 next month.

DD1 and I exchange texts every morning and evening, which works well.
If you had a similar arrangement including giving a key, the dog wouldn't be alone for long.

My 93 year old single neighbour was fiercely independent, but I used to watch for her blind closing at bedtime and opening in the morning, which made her cross when she forgot and I phoned to check on her. However, she did give me a key and it paid off a few weeks ago when I found her on the floor unconscious having had a stroke, so was able to call an ambulance. She had no local relatives so could have lain there for days.

Abnunycl At the risk of sounding a bit preachy, not seeing or talking to anybody for a weekend doesn't seem too good. It's sensible to make provision but maybe also useful to find other things to occupy the mind.

I'll refrain from the cry to "join things" Could you manage a little low level connection with others eg a coffee or something.

Tizliz

For those with a dog and no-one to take the care on, join the Dog’s Trust. It is £12 a year and they will take on your dog when you die

www.dogstrust.org.uk/how-we-help/ownership/canine-care-card

You also get Public Liability insurance.

Ah thank you for that, I took worry about our little dog even though we're only in our 60s but you never know, that's very helpful information
Thank you 😊

Celieanne86

I’m 88 now (gosh) disabled, housebound and on my own since my big husband closed his eyes went to sleep and never woke up 2 years ago, it’s his heavenly birthday today , 85, and I miss him, I knew him for 70 years and we were married for 65 years.
I don’t see much of anybody, I have a private carer who’s an angel but costing .£600 a month takes half of my pension. I keep busy, I have my iPad it’s my link to the outside world, I read Gransnet,I do quizzes, play on line games, watch rubbish and cricket on the telly, I have internet friends whom I’m never likely to meet but we have great chat.
I had a couple of nasty falls so it was suggested I had a link to my phone to call help if I needed it. It’s round my neck on a chord and I can just press the red button. I believe you can have one on your wrist, and it was free but our hard up council now charge £20 a month but it’s so worth it for peace of mind. I’ve already used it a couple of times and the response was instant, very caring and helpful. My social worker sorted mine out but I’m sure your doctor could arrange it for you. Your family won’t have to worry about you then but will be notified immediately if there are any concerns.
You are so lucky having your little dog, at least you have someone to talk to, Please consider the life link, I promise you wont regret it.

I hope you are receiving your full personal care allowance each month. If not , ring your social worker immediately for help to get it set up. It's about £400. If you don't have her phone number ring your local council and ask for the contact number.

Indeed

Has anyone who has said I am harsh read any of the threads on the bereavement forum. Things people have gone through children dieing ,some with other family members soon after it's enough to make you cry.

One thread is called Lonely OP have a read.

Not all those who posted here have had there partner die so you don't understand what it's like . Those on the bereavement threads are all grieving for a loved one or more than one .

Luckygirl3

I too am widowed and live alone. I have 3 DDs, one who lives away and 2 local. We all chat on WhatsApp most days.

I have an alarm pendant, and good neighbours, but here is my biggest worry ....... no-one would particularly worry if they did not hear from me for a few days as I am busy with lots of stuff .... I worry that I might die during that time and my poor DDs be left to find a rotting corpse.

I am not being morbid here - my risk of death is high - age and and serious heart problems - and I am not afraid to die. But I cannot bear the thought that this might happen to a DD - it is appalling.

The call service I use has a paid -for arrangement whereby someone checks daily you are alive and well

Local authorities have radio emergency call systems. The call system I use has a remote control worn on wrist or neck lanyard , between my person (anywhere in house of garden) and their radio in the sitting room. Cost to me: about £40 per month but there are much cheaper options that may better suit your circumstances.

I too have a dog who came from a rescue service. All reputable rescues insist the dog is returned to them if you die or can't keep the dog any longer. If your dog is a rescue check with the rescue about returning in the event of your death or disablement. Good rescues are passionate about the ongoing care of their animals.

I imagine all reputable dog breeders would have a similar clause in the sale of their puppies.

Ask for advice from Cinnamon Trust.

This is a very helpful thread.
My DH is now almost completely deaf and I am learning how we need to modify our lives.
Be prepared is a very good motto.
If I fell in the garden he would not hear me calling for help and would have difficulty ringing for an ambulance.
So am thinking about a key box and a smoke alarm for deaf people.

I too am widowed and live alone. I have 3 DDs, one who lives away and 2 local. We all chat on WhatsApp most days.

I have an alarm pendant, and good neighbours, but here is my biggest worry ....... no-one would particularly worry if they did not hear from me for a few days as I am busy with lots of stuff .... I worry that I might die during that time and my poor DDs be left to find a rotting corpse.

I am not being morbid here - my risk of death is high - age and and serious heart problems - and I am not afraid to die. But I cannot bear the thought that this might happen to a DD - it is appalling.

Just to add the red button alarm system (can't remember name) is excellent idea

Thinking of you xxx

As usual OP comes on asking for advice and thankfully most posters offer sensible and useful advice but there's always the usual ones with their attention seeking nonsense

I'm getting increasingly disillusioned with this site recently

Sorry OP

I’m sorted. I’m arranged to check in every morning with them both. They already have a key.

I was asking as I wanted to get advice on what others do, when you live alone. Since DH died, I sometimes haven’t been able to see the woods for the trees! 😂

Thanks everyone. x