Living alone worries

I’m 88 now (gosh) disabled, housebound and on my own since my big husband closed his eyes went to sleep and never woke up 2 years ago, it’s his heavenly birthday today , 85, and I miss him, I knew him for 70 years and we were married for 65 years.
I don’t see much of anybody, I have a private carer who’s an angel but costing .£600 a month takes half of my pension. I keep busy, I have my iPad it’s my link to the outside world, I read Gransnet,I do quizzes, play on line games, watch rubbish and cricket on the telly, I have internet friends whom I’m never likely to meet but we have great chat.
I had a couple of nasty falls so it was suggested I had a link to my phone to call help if I needed it. It’s round my neck on a chord and I can just press the red button. I believe you can have one on your wrist, and it was free but our hard up council now charge £20 a month but it’s so worth it for peace of mind. I’ve already used it a couple of times and the response was instant, very caring and helpful. My social worker sorted mine out but I’m sure your doctor could arrange it for you. Your family won’t have to worry about you then but will be notified immediately if there are any concerns.
You are so lucky having your little dog, at least you have someone to talk to, Please consider the life link, I promise you wont regret it.

Good advice Celieanne.

Regarding the dog, your sons sound caring and thoughtful. Surely discuss the dog’s future with them, if you were unable to look after him/her?

I’ve been on my own for over twenty years, it does get easier. Since a bout of serious illness I WhatsApp my daughter first thing every morning so she knows I’m ok. I keep my mobile phone on me so I can call for help especially if using steps etc. I have mobility problems but I’ve been able to get to activities at our local community centre which has introduced me to neighbours I had never met before.

You would be better posting on bereavement forum . Also read some of the threads there .

Only 2 certainties in life we are born we died. The rest is up to you . Been widowed since I was 45 now 67. Am disabled since birth plus heart condition. Fallen and in pain my whole life .

If you want a life you have to make it . I don't normally go out of a weekend . But go to sit fit class and move it or lose it class every week. And usually pop to the shops if I need top up shop. Got to chat and cuppa group first Monday in the month and craft group once a month .
Go on holiday by myself via train . I have hobbies and the day flies by . I don't live with what if's or if onlies . Made my bungalow safe for me . If I fall inside I devised a way to get up myself. Outside I need help . But limit the chances of falling by walking by walks etc and look at the pavement when walking . Been using a stick since I was 29. My daughter does live near by but handle things myself only if I need to go too walk in centre or A&E and can't get their myself she takes me .

I am very independent always carry my phone when in the garden or go to the bins . Recently had a ramp fitted to my front door my left foot kept falling off the step.

My daughter texts everyday . I have a gardener since last year as I can no longer do the weeding but still potter about can dead head and grown veg in my greenhouse and in pots outside .
Exercise daily at home and do 500 rotations on my static pedals to keep my mobility.

You can't expect anyone to do things for you . You have to do things for yourself.

Is your will up to date and have you taken out both powers of attorney if not do so. Get in touch with dogs trust and fill in a form and if you die before your dog they will look after it for you . Other animal charities have same sort of thing.

But you have to do things for yourself . As you have a dog surely you have to go out twice a day to walk it so you must have seen people walking their dogs especially if you go to a park.

I totally agree with Celianne I live alone and don’t mind at all in fact I like it but my nearby daughter texts or rings everyday to make sure I m ok And I m younger (80) that you Abnuyc My friend whose 89 and happily lives alone has sons about 4/5 hours away (she has good neighbours) but also has the alarm system round her neck I believe it goes off automatically if she falls, or she can press it to talk to someone my Dad had one when he lived alone he died 12 years ago snd I think they are much more sophisticated now and reach further distances Dads wouldn’t reach the garden but my friend has hers on when she goes out

Also have you got a key safe so people can get in if you do need help?

I text a retired friend every morning. If she doesn’t hear from me after an hour she calls. If I don’t reply she rings my daughter or one of other numbers she has as emergency contacts. I also set a timer on my phone as I have been known to forget!
Hope this helps.

whiff with great respect I think you have been harsh with Abnuyc ….67 is very different to 88 and why shouldn’t she post in ‘Ask a gran’ she isn’t looking for bereavement counselling or help re death she only said about losing her husband to explain why she’s alone
She’s asking advice about emergencies etc a perfect place to post for that kind of advice and other experiences
You say You can't expect anyone to do things for you . You have to do things for yourself the poster wasn’t asking anyone to ‘look after her’ just for best advice as to how to manage in emergencies.

Whiff has offered that advice Bluebelle eg carrying her phone with her, making her bungalow safer etc

Your post to Whiff is very unfair, OP should be speaking to her two sons and be pro-active herself

I stand by what I said the poster didn’t ask for bereavement help she did post in the right thread and she’s 20 years older I think Whiff gives great advice and is a much loved member but I also think this time she was a bit harsh

Whiff

You would be better posting on bereavement forum . Also read some of the threads there .

Only 2 certainties in life we are born we died. The rest is up to you . Been widowed since I was 45 now 67. Am disabled since birth plus heart condition. Fallen and in pain my whole life .

If you want a life you have to make it . I don't normally go out of a weekend . But go to sit fit class and move it or lose it class every week. And usually pop to the shops if I need top up shop. Got to chat and cuppa group first Monday in the month and craft group once a month .
Go on holiday by myself via train . I have hobbies and the day flies by . I don't live with what if's or if onlies . Made my bungalow safe for me . If I fall inside I devised a way to get up myself. Outside I need help . But limit the chances of falling by walking by walks etc and look at the pavement when walking . Been using a stick since I was 29. My daughter does live near by but handle things myself only if I need to go too walk in centre or A&E and can't get their myself she takes me .

I am very independent always carry my phone when in the garden or go to the bins . Recently had a ramp fitted to my front door my left foot kept falling off the step.

My daughter texts everyday . I have a gardener since last year as I can no longer do the weeding but still potter about can dead head and grown veg in my greenhouse and in pots outside .
Exercise daily at home and do 500 rotations on my static pedals to keep my mobility.

You can't expect anyone to do things for you . You have to do things for yourself.

Is your will up to date and have you taken out both powers of attorney if not do so. Get in touch with dogs trust and fill in a form and if you die before your dog they will look after it for you . Other animal charities have same sort of thing.

But you have to do things for yourself . As you have a dog surely you have to go out twice a day to walk it so you must have seen people walking their dogs especially if you go to a park.

Wow! See how you feel when you reach your late 80s.

Ask your sons if they’d be ok with your sending a good morning text and a good night text. They can just reply with a thumbs up.

I found this worked better than them texting me because if I as in the bathroom or asleep ( or out enjoying myself) they got worried when I didn’t reply.

I do have to remember but I do it just before I clean my teeth which I would never forget to do.

I’ve got a Fitbit too that registers things like a fall and rings an emergency number unless you cancel it. Set up a one step emergency call on your phone too. I don’t like the thought of a string round my neck.

Most people living alone have thoughts about what if, but you do learn to live with it💐

I’m 71, just to clear up that ambiguity.

I’m ok on the whole. My will is done and my POA. Yes I go out twice a day every day with my dog. I often see people to chat to but not always.

My main concern is that if I die in the night, my poor dog will be downstairs wondering when I’m coming down to let her out. I do worry about falling asleep well.

I’m going to set something up with my family and give them keys.

Thanks for the advice.

Can I just add a ps please, I do have a key safe and it’s brilliant also I have an online friend who occasionally will phone me about 10 am and ask if I’m ok, have I slept, do I need anything, so I asked her why some days she did other days she didn’t. Oh easy, she told me she looks at my profile photo on the internet when she gets up to see if I’m on if not she phones, if I am she leaves me in peace. Well I never knew that, still learning st my age 🤗

For those with a dog and no-one to take the care on, join the Dog’s Trust. It is £12 a year and they will take on your dog when you die

www.dogstrust.org.uk/how-we-help/ownership/canine-care-card

You also get Public Liability insurance.

My sons will be falling over themselves to have my dog, so no worries there.

I am glad you told us your age, rather than people making assumptions.

I do think the good morning/night text is a very good idea, all it will need from your sons is a quick thumbs up

I am 77, have lived alone for 10 years. All my AC have keys but life cannot be lived on `what ifs`

What did free my mind up was preparing my `dying tidy` files, all in a suitcase and I told AC where that is. Reminds me, I need to get that up to date, a rainy day job for me

You could join one of the schemes where you wear a button to press if you fall or you could install a HIve system which monitors movement round the property eg if you didn’t get out of bed and go in the kitchen by 9.00am it would contact your sons. I think at the least setting up a system where your sons will check on you if you don’t text them by a certain time every morning is a good idea. You don’t say how long you have been on your own but have you thought about joining a group or two in order to make friends? Round here we have U3A, a local history group, a NT supporters group, WI and Townswomen’s Guild. We also have lots of exercise classes as well as art sessions. You have a dog, so is there a walking group or a book group?

I’m sorted. I’m arranged to check in every morning with them both. They already have a key.

I was asking as I wanted to get advice on what others do, when you live alone. Since DH died, I sometimes haven’t been able to see the woods for the trees! 😂

Thanks everyone. x

As usual OP comes on asking for advice and thankfully most posters offer sensible and useful advice but there's always the usual ones with their attention seeking nonsense

I'm getting increasingly disillusioned with this site recently

Sorry OP

Just to add the red button alarm system (can't remember name) is excellent idea

Thinking of you xxx

I too am widowed and live alone. I have 3 DDs, one who lives away and 2 local. We all chat on WhatsApp most days.

I have an alarm pendant, and good neighbours, but here is my biggest worry ....... no-one would particularly worry if they did not hear from me for a few days as I am busy with lots of stuff .... I worry that I might die during that time and my poor DDs be left to find a rotting corpse.

I am not being morbid here - my risk of death is high - age and and serious heart problems - and I am not afraid to die. But I cannot bear the thought that this might happen to a DD - it is appalling.

This is a very helpful thread.
My DH is now almost completely deaf and I am learning how we need to modify our lives.
Be prepared is a very good motto.
If I fell in the garden he would not hear me calling for help and would have difficulty ringing for an ambulance.
So am thinking about a key box and a smoke alarm for deaf people.

Local authorities have radio emergency call systems. The call system I use has a remote control worn on wrist or neck lanyard , between my person (anywhere in house of garden) and their radio in the sitting room. Cost to me: about £40 per month but there are much cheaper options that may better suit your circumstances.

I too have a dog who came from a rescue service. All reputable rescues insist the dog is returned to them if you die or can't keep the dog any longer. If your dog is a rescue check with the rescue about returning in the event of your death or disablement. Good rescues are passionate about the ongoing care of their animals.

I imagine all reputable dog breeders would have a similar clause in the sale of their puppies.

Ask for advice from Cinnamon Trust.

Luckygirl3

I too am widowed and live alone. I have 3 DDs, one who lives away and 2 local. We all chat on WhatsApp most days.

I have an alarm pendant, and good neighbours, but here is my biggest worry ....... no-one would particularly worry if they did not hear from me for a few days as I am busy with lots of stuff .... I worry that I might die during that time and my poor DDs be left to find a rotting corpse.

I am not being morbid here - my risk of death is high - age and and serious heart problems - and I am not afraid to die. But I cannot bear the thought that this might happen to a DD - it is appalling.

The call service I use has a paid -for arrangement whereby someone checks daily you are alive and well