Whiff
A caring friend cares more about her friend than the state of her home. A caring friend would talk and hug that friend .A caring friend would ask how she was and is there anything she needs. A caring friend cares about the person not her surroundings. A caring friend looks at that person and sees her suffering not the state of her home . A caring person does not write on.GN about the state of her friends house keeping or lack of it . A caring person sees her grief not material things .
When the love of your life the other half of you dies life is like walking through porridge . Ever step is a struggle. You don't live you exist . Just having a wash and brushing your teeth is a struggle you wonder why you should bother as the one person you want and need you can never have or see again . You struggle to eat and drink but you know you have to because that's what they would want you to do . You have no idea where you fit in the world as your world has been destroyed and it will never be repaired.
Two years is what I call early grief infact the first 10 years are what I call early grief. Grief hurts physically and mentally. Plus all that comes when the other half of you dies. There is so much to do after death and the funeral . People expect you to get over your grief there is no getting our the grief infact in my experience it gets worse as the years go by.
After the love of your life the other half of yourself dies you find out who your real friends are as people disappear from your life . I hadn't been widowed long when I went to my local town to shop a woman who I knew saw me she stopped dead and dashed into the nearest shop I was 45 the 50 year old me would have gone in after her and asked what xxxxxxx her problem was .
If you really care ignore the state of her home and just concentrate on her .She is in pain and that pain will never go away . It's takes years to cope and the longer you are married the worse it is .
Those who have critised me have you had the other half of yourself die ?
Have you watched your husband dieing bit by bit everyday and there is nothing you do to can stop them dieing . Have you held your husband while he cried . Have you held your husband while he screamed into a pillow until the morphine sent him to sleep so our children wouldn't hear him . Have you had to hold that pillow when he begged you to do it because he was to weak to do it himself. Have you had to tell your husband to stop struggling breathing even on full oxygen. Have you had to tell him to stop fighting and we will be ok then watch your husband die a few minutes later. There is never an okay .
Critise me all you like if you have done all that . I am glad I had family and friends who cared about me and not the state of my home . Took me 14 years to stop seeing the last 2 weeks of my husband's life it was like watching a black and white film .
Care about your friend she is in pain and that pain never dies you just learn to cope . But bone crushing grief can overwhelm you out of the blue .
Your friend needs your understanding . Care about her feelings help her get through everyday . If she wants to talk about her husband listen if she doesn't want to talk just be with her as that will give her comfort.
Whiff, I hope you recover from your emotional agony . I am desperately sorry for your late husband. I feel I understand what it must have like for you. I am glad that you felt able to express your feelings at Gransnet.
