Too much solitude

do you want a pen pal I had to retire after illness so went into shock but coming out now with U3A and the gym you could write email and maybe meet up its nice to catch up with people we used to pen pa alot in the 70s

Hello. These posts offer great suggestions! But I want to say first and foremost, I am sorry you are feeling so lonely. Consider this a warm hug from a friend you haven't met yet. ...And yes, I'm an American, just not the cruel kind. Blessings, "Nana Mary"

I, aged 84 widow, living alone, try to go for a walk every day, fortunately I live in an beautiful area, I can reach the beach in five minutes also the mountains, the park and the marina where there are good walks. I always say "hello" to people I meet which often ends up in a conversation. The time I feel being one my own is between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. when our home was busy with the children and cooking the evening meal.

I live in a small country town, where there are not a lot of activities, so I am in much the same boat as you are.

It is now nearly two years since my husband died, and I still don't feel I have quite enough to do. I volunteer at the local museum, do my own housework and shopping, have joined a folk dance group and a book club, but haven't been able to find more than that.

There is a senior club, but the activities are very sedentary and not to my taste.

I have a few new hobbies, but these are things I do at home and I would prefer more interaction with others.

I think however we just have to keep on looking, but I am sorry to say I have no really bright ideas as to where to look.

petra

Lathyrus
I finished 250 poppies 2 weeks ago. They had to be finished by then as we have over 100,000 to string together.
We are decorating Southend pier which is one and a third mikes long.
It’s gong to look spectacular 🥰

Wow! Post a photo and I’ll do one of the Market Hall. Handing mine in tomorrow😁

🌺 (nearly but not quite😬)

Yogitree I am so glad you are making the most of U3A - I run three groups for my local branch, South Manchester, where we have 38 different activities ranging from brainy ones like philosophy and psychology to a lunch club, to health walks, badminton, art appreciation, board games, Knit and Natter (at which more nattering than knitting goes on!) and many many more. New members are always welcomed.

Join the U3A it's not expensive and they run trips and outings quite a lot. In ours there's a lunch club, tea and chat, card games, outings to gardens and historic houses, French club, badminton, book lovers, board games, crafts, skittles etc really whatever a member wants to run. You don't have to go to all of it but can choose when to go. People car share and there's community transport here.
There's also the WI in most towns

Lathyrus
I finished 250 poppies 2 weeks ago. They had to be finished by then as we have over 100,000 to string together.
We are decorating Southend pier which is one and a third mikes long.
It’s gong to look spectacular 🥰

University of the 3rd Age (U3A) runs loads of things and I am just renewing my membership as many of them interest me!

For example, the ones during the day in Tai Chi, Art, Creative Writing, Family History, Philosophy and Easy Walking all sound great and as someone above said, no need to feel guilty if you can't make it every single week.

Allsorts it’s a strange predicament isn’t it, going from a busy life to a quiet one and I can also relate. It does sound like the daytime is ok for you but the dark nights, a bit depressing. Personally, I like crafts like sewing, knitting and crochet and do more in the evening. I am also working through some period dramas I never saw on tv first time round and doing a lot of reading. This may not be enough for you and you may need to look into volunteering…lots of info online. This may not get you out in the evenings but if you’re really tired by then, you may feel happier taking it easier in the evening. Like you, I’m gradually accepting that as we age, life changes. If you have friends and family, you are I’m sure much loved and wanted. We do not have to earn that, by being busy all the time…….

Allsorts - some very good advice given here.
Please never, never feel "surplus to requirements."

I know it's not easy when the body starts to slow down but do look at the many, many suggestions given here.
I hope you find something that will interest you.

I know it isn't for everyone, but I'm a believer in joining interest groups, as they don't always rely on regular commitment to make them work. The sort of thing that meets once a week or month but doesn't need every member to be there every time. People are less likely to drop out if they don't feel under pressure to have to go to every meeting. Reading groups, lunch groups, creative writing, walking groups, coffee mornings, knitting groups, flower arranging are examples. Or more 'organised' ones such as the U3A, the NWR, the WI and so on.

You won't necessarily like everyone who goes, but if you join a few different groups you will meet a wide range of people, and the chances are you will find some that you 'click' with and want to meet separately for coffee or whatever. I know some people find it daunting to turn up for the first time, but often you can email the organiser and ask if they will meet you five minutes before the start, so you can go in with them and be introduced.

I made a conscious decision to do this when I left work, as I worked a distance from where I live, so much of my social life happened away from my home town, and I realised that if I didn't make an effort people weren't going to come to me. I set up a couple of groups that didn't already exist, which is easy enough to do now that most towns have a local FB page for advertising things like that. They are also good places to look for what is already available. There are a number of friendship groups too - Meet Up is one possibility, or just Google 'Meeting people in XTown' and any local ones will show up.

I now have a wide circle of local friends, so I can call someone if I want to go out outside of the meetings. Most are still acquaintances, but I've been on a couple of holidays with groups of people I've met this way who have become friends.

I think there’s a big difference between solitude, which can be enjoyed, and loneliness which def can’t be enjoyed.
A lot of older people sadly become lonely and it’s easy to drift into it.
A newly widowed friend says the long evenings and weekends are the worst.
I have no answers really. Volunteering isn’t for everyone depending on health and the same with exercise. My friend is thinking of getting a small dog for company and short walks.
Arts and crafts may help.

I have a life that suits me, one I chose

I don`t drive in the dark either, in fact have just arranged two late morning visits, easier for me to spend time driving to family

I took on a very overgrown allotment and nature is a good friend. I needed to work hard to make that allotment good for my old age and now I go whenever I feel like being out. Nature is never still, it always makes jobs for me and there are people there with a common interest

My exercise is simple, no groups for me. I cycle on one of my three bikes, which I maintain myself. I do town walks, which involve a good hill. I have handy weights and a little kettle bell and some stretchy bands, mainly for winter. I also have and use a rebounder for exercise in winter if it is too cold to be outside

So these are my activities, I have crafts and can join groups if I want. Sewing, spinning, knitting. Used to do wood carving but that sadly folded during lockdown

Life is too full to waste any day, I get dressed as soon as I have had breakfast and then get on with living

It was not easy when I was widowed, I too needed to write down some things to do the following day but bit by bit I found my hobbies. I still have solitude but I enjoy it, key is to have some sort of aspiration for the following day, something to get up for and something that you enjoy

If there’s nothing planned on a particular day, I find it’s a good thing to write down three things I want to achieve the next day, before I go to bed.

They don’t have to be massive. Clean the bathroom seems to feature quite highly with me, because it’s a job I’ll always find a reason for not doing. Or it could nice like buy flowers and arrange.

Then when I get to the end of the day and tick my three things off I feel the day has had a purpose.

Am currently taking a rest from “Weed front border”😬

What a lovely thread Allsorts Such positive responses!

Calendargirl

StripeyGran

One thing that works for me ( although I don't always adhere to it) is to try to organise some morning activity, some sort of committment.
It's so easy to kid yourself you are having a meaningful time tidying up, in your dressing gown!

I think getting dressed first thing is half the battle!

If you drift around in your dressing gown half the day, you are never in ‘doing’ mood.

I get dressed as soon as I get out of bed, though I appreciate not everyone thinks like me.

Good for you! I many allow myself a window of time, but it won't be a half day!

I'm in the same position. I've chosen to spend more time looking after myself: do exercises, walk, look after my body and diet, cook fresh food as much as possible. I treat myself if I need a boost.

I've plenty of interests when indoors and take myself out for a walk, a coffee and/or a day out when it's a nice weather.
I've a lovely home to keep maintained and nicely decorated, and a garden which I'm busy in most days. Often in my garage/workshop making/renovating a piece of furniture.

Friends are unwell or passed away, grandchildren grown too so see few people, so I've embraced the peace and quiet and not having to rush around so much. I've always tried to make every day pleasant/enjoyable in some way, or to achieve something/cross something off a to-do list and I usually do.

So grateful for each day, for health and the time I've been granted that others haven't.

StripeyGran

One thing that works for me ( although I don't always adhere to it) is to try to organise some morning activity, some sort of committment.
It's so easy to kid yourself you are having a meaningful time tidying up, in your dressing gown!

I think getting dressed first thing is half the battle!

If you drift around in your dressing gown half the day, you are never in ‘doing’ mood.

I get dressed as soon as I get out of bed, though I appreciate not everyone thinks like me.

One thing that works for me ( although I don't always adhere to it) is to try to organise some morning activity, some sort of committment.
It's so easy to kid yourself you are having a meaningful time tidying up, in your dressing gown!

Some excellent advice here.

For my part I am also not a cold dark nights winter person.
To offset the gloom I get out as much as I can, especially with the weather being so mild.

I go for a walk three or four times a week and sometimes don't want to go home. People exchange pleasantries, have short conversations, I can get a coffee if I want- there's so much going on and we are almost half-way through October!

I hope you do find a way through soon.

I think Bluebells right saying that we need a purpose- a project of some sort that we can see through to completion and that will make a difference.

One poster on Gransnet has moved and taken on a renovation. I e taken on an overgrown allotment. I think about it all the time and save up fir presents for the allotment 😬

But it doesn’t have to be big. Our local market is planning to decorate with knitted poppies n November so I’ve had fun with a ball of wool knitting as many different types of poppy as I can.

You just have to find your project and life will have much more to offer.💐

When I moved here knew I wanted to join an exercise class and craft group. Go to sit fit Monday afternoon,move it or lose it Tuesday morning. Cuppa and chat first Monday in the month , craft group 3 rd Wednesday of month. At the moment joined a 8 week singing and exercise class Wednesday afternoon and 12 week Mindfulness class Thursday afternoon. Going out for lunch with friend today.

Once my Wednesday and Thursday classes end which are free and run by age concern part of the city and my local council. Will find something to do Thursday and Friday. Missed craft group this week as I had signed up for the class and the craft group runs all year.

I don't tend to go out at night unless it's a one off event like going to a concert. But go and come back via taxi if it's not local .

Bluebelle and I follow each other around suggesting volunteering. Glad to see chocolatelovinggran is on board too.

Volunteering gives my life a purpose. I feel useful knowing that I make a difference to the lives of some people living in difficult circumstances, I have made great friends and it keeps my brain ticking over.

As a volunteer I can miss a day should I feel like it. I never do because I love it.

I volunteer and would be lost without my ‘job’ it gives me a purpose and I badly need a purpose When I can no longer do it I may as well just curl up and go Not only do I have a purpose but I have a good laugh I meet and talk to people and it only leaves me four other days to fill !