Too much solitude

I have a routine, which I used every time I moved and think it could be helpful for you. You are beginning a new phrase of your life. Firstly you might have a little holiday, where you visit somewhere you have never been before in your locality. See where that road goes to
Look at gardens near your place and see what grows well. Think back to what you used to enjoy, or did nit have time or money to do. Look societies up in the library and find out when they meet. Have you tried swimming? I think it is a way to exercise and meet others so that you are both exercising and meeting people without committing yourself to too much..Get your local paper where you can see what clubs meet from tennis to.chess and if one appeals to you try it out..hope you find your feet

Family busy with their own lives

I seem to be on the receiving end of this...or rather not receiving!

A long standing back problem has reappeared and pain is not good. How to keep buoyant and cheery and outward facing I wonder?

After I retired, I got a casual job in the college invigilating exams, and another at election times. These allow me to get out but not all the time. I help with reading at my local primary school, one morning a week.
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Just retired from running my Rainbow Guide unit and joined the Trefoil guild.

DGS is now 12 and no longer comes for his tea, and while that releases my time, I do miss him.

BUT, it has taken me 5 years to slow down and stop and just stay home a bit. I love a cleaner tidier house - something that is very new <lol>, but now giving my garden a slow makeover and loving it.

I am also enjoying some of the daytime TV.

I love reading before I get up, then having a looong shower, doing my hair and moisturing, breakfast and getting dressed at around 11 is such bliss after decades of 6 am starts. And going to bed when I feel like it. Bliss!

I find I do love my own company

Having a dog you are never surplus to requirements. If owning one doesn’t suit you could walk dogs that are waiting to be . adopted. Volunteering giv s back in bucket loads, I did my stint today and am in a better place than this morning. I also journal that can help see a pattern and relive something nice that’s happened. It takes 6 weeks to form a habit so don’t expect results immediately. Good luck.

Hi Allsorts, I sympathise very much re your situation.
Oh to be stoical!

I would add to the list: engaging with animal charities. The ones I follow are not very nearby (15/20 miles distance) and I don’t support ‘physically’, but follow their posts, exchange comments and support on social media and donate whatever/whenever I can. They are close enough to visit their open-days, Xmas fayres etc . These are lovely opportunities to meet the animals and the wonderful humans who rescue and care for them. Each animal has a unique story and (sadly) been neglected before rescue. These aren’t the big charities seen regularly in the media. They’re small and do a fantastic job, saving the animals from disease/injuries and (too often) near-death. Any support (whether that includes donations or not) is greatly appreciated.

I recommend an allotment for anyone who has the energy, or help, to get one established. Mine is a lovely place to escape and to start to make acquaintances. Being in harmony with nature is so important as is the grounding provided by weeding while kneeling, not to mention the exercise while being there or cycling there

I cannot be doing with the likes of U3A, I tried when I was first widowed, too cliquey by far. It is best to establish from your own interests first, such as gardening but in a more public place

All sorts I know just how you feel one set of grandchildren moved to the other side of the world the other side now in their teens. Family busy with their own lives I moved house five years ago husband died four years ago and I’ve never settled. I’ve tried to churches, U 3A but everyone is well established here and has their own friendship groups. I’m very bad at joining groups generally I would love to get out a lot more but eyesight is failing as well. My garden is my get out activity.

Your life story is quite like mine. I found companionship in the shape of a dog. I took on a two year old rescue dog to start with and a year after he had to be put to sleep I took on a puppy. Probably not the best decision for a then 73 year old with a dodgy back.
It has been a hard year with him, but things are easing up now he has had his first birthday. The joy and laughs he brings definitely make up for the effort required.
If pets aren't for you, I would carry on as you are but possibly increase the "out" time. I formed a pub quiz team and once a week we get together and have a damn good laugh while rattling the grey cells.

I have found another thing to add to my list, I already have a lifetime pass for going on steam trains here in somerset, I have one with the national trust, one with English heritage and I am going to buy one to visit Wells cathedral and Bishops palace, including the glorious 14 acres of gardens. I regard the pass costs as charitable donations, which they are but also as gateways to days out. Much better than shopping for something to do

I have done a few online courses with Lifelong Learning via my local uni or other organisation such as poetry, memoir, gardening history and 2 years ago, Spiritual Conversation.
I can’t get out now but also enjoy Zoom chats with friends from afar.
I sit in my garden sometimes to enjoy the birds and get some vitamin D.

I agree though with you Allsorts, seeing the joy in small or not so small things is a good way of maintaining self morale.

I dont have any children (never wanted any) so I dont feel surplus to requirements. I am complete within myself.

I agree with the suggestions from others posters to make a menu for the day. As a born planner I do this and also keep a journal which helps me to reflect. I still run a business so that keeps me on track. I tick things off the list as I complete them.

Hello ,and welcome too

Catgrann- same here yet I didn't notice it at the time. I've only posted a few times and I'm still not used to how it works. Anyway - welcome to the forum - from another newbie.

What works for me (aged 70) is having a planned routine. I don’t volunteer, because never again in my life will I be told what to do by anyone , male or female. I am in U3A (meets once a month), Book Club (monthly), weekly Dance Class and Tai Chi. What I like most is my University Course on Art History (weekly for 10 weeks, face to face with fab lecturer). I go to theatre matinee performances and morning cinema showings. Some days I just potter at home, reading, doing jigsaw puzzles, watching films. Sometimes I book a one night stay in a B&B in a town I’ve never visited. Sometimes I attempt to clear through my mountain of “stuff”, but spend hours looking through old memorabilia. I’m never, ever bored! And any other time I’m in the garden!

Yes, weekends can seem to go on forever, I agree. Bank holidays even worse. Everything seems geared to young families, so there’s nowhere to go and friends are often busy.

I’ve been busy in the garden and planted some bulbs too.

For those of us widows without family nearby, the weekends can be lonely. This weekend, unusually, I have seen nobody except on WhatsApp.
DD and the GSs are lovely, but 500 miles away, and DS is 70 miles away and I did actually see him on Thursday.
However, I have made progress with some fiendishly complicated knitting, have planted some bulbs and started making new curtains for a GS bedroom.
I'm glad of Gransnet, the radio and Duolingo.
Weekdays are busy enough, with volunteering, Spanish class and quite likely coffee with a local friend.

Because I have problems with my back etc. I tend to have two things planned at a time, so one standing and one sitting. Can be frustrating but works out well for me
If my back is bad and I am awake at stupid o clock. I of course am one of the early birds on gtandnet. I usually go to the women's group on Thursday am, go swimming early. Have a years ticket, and if I can't sleep go early . Have various things to do but especially at this time of year, make the most of the weather. Plenty of time when the weather is poor to make the most of it
Think what you really wanted to do and was not able to do. And have a go. If you enjoy it great. If not try something else. If you can afford it go and see something you have always wanted to see. Do you have a friend to go with where you just share a room and do your own thing
Make the most of your health to travel while you can . Don't feel guilty but enjoy what you can . Good luck

Catgrann

I thought Gransnet may be a good thing to do,but I've made a few posts so far,and in each one I've said that I am new to Gransnet. I don't expect every post to be commented on,but a simple "Hello,welcome to the forums" would have been nice.

Welcome Catgrann. Well, you’ve certainly posted on a particularly good thread. I will definitely look into some of these suggestions.

What an inspiring thread this is! I do sincerely hope this has helped you to think about the many and varied groups available to older people, Allsorts. Please don’t feel ‘surplus to requirements’. I don’t do nearly as much as some of the GNs who have responded, but really enjoy volunteering at a charity shop, walking our dog, learning Spanish on Duolingo, gardening, coffee/lunch with friends and being involved with village quiz nights, fete days etc. However, I do have my OH, so realise it isn’t the same for me. I can relate to being alone as my two older sisters have lost their husbands in recent years, and we are in touch with each other daily. The short days are not very inviting, but keeping cosy indoors with candlelight and lots of lamps, warming foods - soups, stews, pies - does help. 🤗

My previous message didn't connect.

Check out you your local NWR group. NWR stands for National Womens Register. it started in the 1960's as the National Housewifes Register for people whose husbands had moved areas for their jobs and they ended up feeling isolated with their young children.
I am local organiser for our local group. We meet up every two weeks in our homes and are are a wonderful supportive group.

I feel the same

I think the change of seasons affects a lot of us. The older I get the less I like dark nights. I’m a fairly early riser but if I sit around in my dressing gown I soon feel depressed . It feels a bit like accepting old age too quickly. I go to keep fit once a week, Pilates once a week and also choir one evening. At some point I usually see family although grandchildren are growing up now and so don’t need us like they did - which feels sad sometimes but wouldn’t really want it any other way. I’ve always found it hard to just sit and relax but do try to sometimes as I get more tired than I used to. I think writing a gratitude diary and also trying to plan in something different every now and again.

Catgrann

Thank you StripeyGran. I know exactly what you mean by a bag on seat moment. If that happens to me I just vote with my feet, and don't go back .

Could put the feet in the bag? Mix it up a bit!

Volunteering and U3A. I'd be so lost without both of those. Spent many years looking after grandchildren so I knew there would be a gap. Its very hard but the Volunteering makes me feel useful and the U3A is very sociable.

Apologies,I should have said that NWR stands for National Womens Register. It started in the1960s as the National Hosuewifes Register for women who moved their homes because their husbands jobs had moved some way away and they found themselves , somewhat isolated, with young children. Check it out .x
It is still going strong, altough we are now Grannies.x