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Why do some people refuse to go online?

(198 Posts)
Cabbie21 Sun 12-Oct-25 09:56:59

If you are reading this, then obviously you are online. I really cannot understand why some people refuse to go online.
My cousin who is about 75, younger than me, has just written me a letter asking for the postcode of a restaurant where we are going to meet later this year. I have either got to phone her or write a letter to give her the information, which she could easily find out for herself if she had access to the internet. She is intelligent, a retired teacher like me. Not rich but not short of money. Her brother was an early computer user. Why is she so resistant? I am struggling to understand.

Ladyleftfieldlover Sun 12-Oct-25 14:28:32

I am reminded of a friend a few years ago who was on the PCC with me. Everyone apart from her had access to the internet. Copies of minutes and the agenda had to be printed off and put through her door. She flatly refused to have a computer or mobile phone. I remember just before a PCC meeting one member had a last minute report which he circulated. Not to J though. She was hopping mad. She finally gave in when her first grandchild was born and her son said it would be nice if they could email photos of the new baby regularly.

Also a 99 year old friend has a phone and laptop. My uncle in his 90s has used computers for years.

Lathyrus3 Sun 12-Oct-25 14:25:32

Norah

Slightly off topic.

Before being critical of non drivers - remember the costs to purchase, insurance, MOT, repairs, petrol, parking, yearly decline in value.

We still drive, however at a significant cost.

Taxis could be a reasonable alternative.

Not critical of non drivers.

More critical of those who expect some else to bear all those costs and give up their time to give lifts.

I wish people would read what I’ve actually written.

Jaxjacky Sun 12-Oct-25 14:25:10

PaynesGrey yes, the receipts (just checked from Friday) are by sections, Fridge, Freezer, Cupboard, Household etc.

JamesandJon33 Sun 12-Oct-25 14:20:50

Our neighbours, much the same age as us, late seventies are terrified of the internet. They are convinced their money etc will be stolen from them.
They drive to our nearest bank ( 18 miles each way.) They telephone their son with their shopping list and he arranges click and collect for them. They are truly frightened of being scammed

Magenta8 Sun 12-Oct-25 14:20:35

I am not proud of the fact that I don't have a mobile phone, I see no reason to be ashamed either.

Maybe there will come a time when I have to have one.

Norah Sun 12-Oct-25 14:09:46

Slightly off topic.

Before being critical of non drivers - remember the costs to purchase, insurance, MOT, repairs, petrol, parking, yearly decline in value.

We still drive, however at a significant cost.

Taxis could be a reasonable alternative.

AmberGran Sun 12-Oct-25 13:33:25

My mother would never touch a computer, although she did eventually have a mobile phone. Our numbers were all in the contacts so all she had to do was find the one she wanted but she would never use it for anything else. On the landline she was perfectly capable of phoning all and sundry, especially if she had a complaint to make. I think she was always afraid of breaking something and in her panic would forget what to do and then panic more.

My father on the other hand was interested and did learn up to a point, although he could never get his head around the internet and searching for things.

Casdon Sun 12-Oct-25 13:14:41

ferry23

I often wonder how many more years will go by and we will still hear "what about the elderly who don't have access to the internet?"

Pretty much everyone has access to the internet - the inclination to use it is different. We gently persuded my 83 year old Dad to get a compuer when my Mum passed away 20 years ago. Within a very short amount of time he was shopping online, playing (free!) poker and blackjack in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep and alerted me to the fact that I could buy my road tax online when I was still queuing at the post office.grin.

By the time he died aged 94 he was a whizz. And yes sometimes I was his 24 hour helpline but it made a huge difference to his life and, I think, helped to alleviate a little bit of loneliness. Took him a bit of time (and a bit of hair pulling on my part) to get to grips with Fb and social media in general, but he did.

We're living through a technological revolution and you can get left behind if you refuse to make a small effort.

Not many more years will go by before nobody believes people who say they can’t use a computer or go online, because they have been taught in school, since the 1980s, so there really won’t be anywhere to hide for those aged around 50 and below now. I don’t actually know anybody under the age of 70 who doesn’t have a smartphone either, i doubt it will be many years before they are an essential part of life because they will replace bank cards, ID cards, etc.

Lathyrus3 Sun 12-Oct-25 13:07:15

Lathyrus3

It’s a bit like people who don’t drive and expect you to give lifts instead of using a cab.

Please read the post

“People who don’t drive and expect you to give lifts”

Lathyrus3 Sun 12-Oct-25 13:05:24

Flippinheck

BlueBelle

Lathyrus don’t use such generalisations I’ve never had a car never driven but I ve never expected lifts, I walk, I bus, I use the train, if someone offers a lift I ll accept but never ever have I presumed or expected that I wouldn’t find my own way

Me too. I agree absolutely.

But I wasn’t talking about people like you.🤔

cornergran Sun 12-Oct-25 13:05:08

A friend in her 80’s has never used a computer, she closed her hairdressing salon around 50 years ago to move to Europe with her husbands profession where she did some freelance hairdressing. Back in the U.K. she cared for elderly family for many years. She is a highly anxious person, now widowed her anxiety spirals if anyone mentions showing her how to use a tablet computer or access the smart functions on her phone. Encouraging her feels and I think is abusive. I am happy to look up things for her and place the occasional order as I am for a couple of neighbours in their nineties exhausted by the prospect. Not everyone is being awkward or stubborn, for some computer use is a foreign country too far.

TerriBull Sun 12-Oct-25 13:01:23

"Does the receipt show the random order of goods as put into someone's online basket" The final receipt comes back broken down into categories, for example "chilled foods" "store cupboard" for non perishables "Laundry" "freezer foods" and so on. I only use grocery shopping online occasionally, apart from the time of Covid, but that's what I recall from the final receipt. I agree a virtual walk through would be appealing but it wouldn't help with the selection of certain items, most notably fruit and veg which I prefer to do by sight. Particularly bananas grin there's an optimum time for eating a banana, not too ripe and not too green.

PaynesGrey Sun 12-Oct-25 12:42:35

That’s an interesting analogy, TerriBull.

In the late 80s, I was very much involved with the early stages of HTML or Hyper Text Mark Up Language, the computer code behind webpages. The Hyper means non-linear text - the user can jump about from one place to another in a page or sets of pages just as one can jump about from from one aisle and counter to another in a supermarket.

I imagine we all have our routines for working our way around a large store and perhaps the online shopping pickers do too.

Online grocery shopping is not something I have ever done very often as I like to shop in independents but, on occasion, when poorly, it’s been a lifeline. I don’t have an old receipt to refer to. Does the receipt show the random order of goods as put into someone’s online basket or has it been reordered per store aisle for the picker?

The only time I visited an Ikea, I recall floor arrows directing hordes of shoppers in a linear fashion through the store ending at the cafe. Any attempt to retrace steps was a fight against the crowd.

Flippinheck Sun 12-Oct-25 12:39:16

BlueBelle

Lathyrus don’t use such generalisations I’ve never had a car never driven but I ve never expected lifts, I walk, I bus, I use the train, if someone offers a lift I ll accept but never ever have I presumed or expected that I wouldn’t find my own way

Me too. I agree absolutely.

mumofmadboys Sun 12-Oct-25 12:26:37

I suppose we all have things we feel are beyond our capabilities.

ferry23 Sun 12-Oct-25 12:20:38

I often wonder how many more years will go by and we will still hear "what about the elderly who don't have access to the internet?"

Pretty much everyone has access to the internet - the inclination to use it is different. We gently persuded my 83 year old Dad to get a compuer when my Mum passed away 20 years ago. Within a very short amount of time he was shopping online, playing (free!) poker and blackjack in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep and alerted me to the fact that I could buy my road tax online when I was still queuing at the post office.grin.

By the time he died aged 94 he was a whizz. And yes sometimes I was his 24 hour helpline but it made a huge difference to his life and, I think, helped to alleviate a little bit of loneliness. Took him a bit of time (and a bit of hair pulling on my part) to get to grips with Fb and social media in general, but he did.

We're living through a technological revolution and you can get left behind if you refuse to make a small effort.

rafichagran Sun 12-Oct-25 12:18:28

BlueBelle

Lathyrus don’t use such generalisations I’ve never had a car never driven but I ve never expected lifts, I walk, I bus, I use the train, if someone offers a lift I ll accept but never ever have I presumed or expected that I wouldn’t find my own way

I agree, my partner never wanted to drive, personnel choice. I have been with him for alot of years and never once has he asked me for a lift even if he has a difficult place to go he would use train and bus. He walks uses buses and trains, he runs 40 miles a week and has learned the quickest routes I would not have thought of.
My friend, through choice does not drive, she has never asks for a lift either. She does not have a mobile but always manages to keep in touch, uses landlines, and borrows her husbands phone on very exceptional occasions.
I think we are to quick to judge people who do not drive or use IT. Almost sneer at it. I am OK with with my phone snd the computer but my partner is better though, it was part of his job.

Galaxy Sun 12-Oct-25 12:18:10

I have always wanted to invent a vitual walk through online supermarket shop, I just think it would be a brilliant ideasmile

TerriBull Sun 12-Oct-25 12:16:14

I have a friend who started an on line Sainsbury's food shop for her mother during Covid and has continued because she doesn't use the internet. Mother is prone to say things like this, "after you finish at the meat counter, are you allowed to go back to where the cheese is? because I forgot that" the mother appears to think grocery shopping on line is set up like some virtual walk through grin

PaynesGrey Sun 12-Oct-25 12:15:16

Thanks for the update, Cabbie.

Digital communication becomes ever more useful as someone becomes more confined to home. The ability to do an online grocery shop (or to shop for anything) is one obvious example.

I may be wrong but I am assuming she doesn’t have any digital devices, broadband ... or a smart TV to be able to watch anything anytime?

For someone whose eyesight is progressivly failing and likes to read, I don’t think one can underestimate the pleasure of audio books and podcasts or having access to countless digital radio stations from around the world.

I can understand your frustration with her but it would be useful to know why she is so techo-reluctant.

Aveline Sun 12-Oct-25 12:13:55

One woman in a group I used to attend refused to go online in any form. She was always complaining when the group made arrangements that nobody had phoned to let her know. She was quite arrogant about it and proud of herself!

Norah Sun 12-Oct-25 12:13:31

Grayling1

I don't have a "smartphone" but I do have a mobile phone which has a diary, camera, alarm clock and many other features (not just a phone) I was working when, back in the 70's, the first computer came into a busy accountants office. I was given a room to myself and a "trainer" for the first few weeks but I did have a bit of a panic about it and booked a course at evening school. I really enjoyed working with it and also when I got my first mobile it was so handy but when the smartphones came on the market I was not interested. Much to the disgust of my family I still don't have one but have a mobile for calls, messages, diary, etc, etc but what I do have is a laptop and do internet banking, shopping, facebook, Gransnet, messenger, etc. all in the privacy of my own home.

Same.

No smart phone, I carry a dumb mobile when driving.

I use a laptop, whist at home - banking, shopping, research.

Grayling1 Sun 12-Oct-25 11:59:39

I don't have a "smartphone" but I do have a mobile phone which has a diary, camera, alarm clock and many other features (not just a phone) I was working when, back in the 70's, the first computer came into a busy accountants office. I was given a room to myself and a "trainer" for the first few weeks but I did have a bit of a panic about it and booked a course at evening school. I really enjoyed working with it and also when I got my first mobile it was so handy but when the smartphones came on the market I was not interested. Much to the disgust of my family I still don't have one but have a mobile for calls, messages, diary, etc, etc but what I do have is a laptop and do internet banking, shopping, facebook, Gransnet, messenger, etc. all in the privacy of my own home.

Cabbie21 Sun 12-Oct-25 11:55:31

Thanks for replies. Inevitably we are all online here!
My cousin does not drive for eyesight reasons. She wants to give the postcode to a taxi firm to bring them to the rendezvous-vous. Fair enough.
They are becoming increasingly housebound for other health reasons so I foresee life becoming more and more difficult for them. They have no children or other family nearby.
She took early retirement from teaching for health reasons so escaped being obliged to use computers for work. I am not going to try to persuade them. Her brother has tried for years and given up.

Lathyrus3 Sun 12-Oct-25 11:46:12

BlueBelle

Lathyrus don’t use such generalisations I’ve never had a car never driven but I ve never expected lifts, I walk, I bus, I use the train, if someone offers a lift I ll accept but never ever have I presumed or expected that I wouldn’t find my own way

Ah yes. I can see you’re independent and not one of those who automatically seek out a lift from whoever: friend, children, neighbours, unknown person who just happen to be going to the same event……..

It’s a lifestyle for some people. They assume because people can drive they are available for lifts. It’s very similar to the OP being expected to look stuff up online because she can use a computer.

I didnt mean to generalise about accepting lifts. More perhaps about expecting them.