Get to the bottom of this!

When we were growing up, my mum would have had a fit if she thought that she would ever need help bathing and us seeing her in the nude.

The last few years of her life, (she lived to 92 in her own little flat) I used to go about three times a week to help her bath, and get ready for bed. My only regret is she sometimes felt she wasn’t properly dry and I used to say “Oh, you are Mum”. Looking back, I bet she did feel a bit damp here and there, and I wish I had been a bit more thoughtful!

A mobile hairdresser came once a week to do her hair.

Oh, we miss our mums when no longer here don’t we, even if they’ve been dead many years.

😢

Perhaps it's a fear of falling, slipping on the wet floor or shower tray, which is understandable but I also know older people who don't bother as they believe they don't smell. Not all are correct about this

I totally agree with pp about the difficulties of getting out of the bath. My aunt was stuck for a considerable time as she was unable to call for help as she lived on her own. A shower is what is needed whether she says yes or no!

well over 20 years ago, we decided to get a shower put in and the bath taken out, as my O H thought we would struggle with the bath as we got older. I went to stay at my daughters for a week a couple of years ago when they went on holiday, to look after the dog, I decided one morning to have a bath, and couldn't get back out, it took ages trying to get from my knees to a standing position....for someone living alone it can be frightening

I go for days without having a shower or washing my hair but its purely because I don't see the point, if I'm not going out.

I think we are a society obsessed with cleanliness. It was quite normal for most people to have a once a week 'bathnight.'

I would also not feel clean if all I did was stripwash- this seems much harder work than turning on a shower to me.

I would be horrified if anyone bought me a pack of big wipes too!

If OPs mum has mobility issues then getting wet-room installed is relatively easy (my neighbour has one and she still drives and walks her dog every day). Your local council can advise you on this. Grants are often available.

I wouldn't insist on helping her to shower either- I would rather have someone come in who designated job is to do this, because there is skill involved in getting people in and out of baths safely.

I feel a little sorry for this person, really- she is clearly happy to be making the choices she's making.

If my kids came round and told me I smelled I'd just turn round and say well, so do you!
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Giving her the experience of a luxury bath with you in attendance, is just so kind, Posters.

I did the same with my mother inasmuch as we picked her up to come to us. I stripped her bed collected her washing and did all that at mine. She was definitely scared of not being able to get out of her bath, so washed at the sink, but loved her bath and hairwash followed by a Sunday meal at our house before I drive her back, made up her clean bed and put the rest of her washing away.

In my experience the sooner you tackle these issues with aging parents, or anyone else, the better.

Neither of my parents realised they were no longer safe drivers, so we had the thankless task of pointing this out to them. This is just as hard as asking why they don't wash properly.

You can offer help, but if it is turned down, the time comes when you have to insist.

Unpleasant, but necessary. Problably a son or daughter-in-law will be heard where a son or daughter is not, (You are my child, so I know best). In-laws were adults when our parents met them.

If that does not work, enlist the aid of a contemporary of your parents. They probably have some of the same problems, so may be listened to, when we are not.

ps There is an elderly person's smell that I read about, nothing to do with hygiene but called 2-nonenal odour, it's an actual 'thing'.

Just be upfront with her. "Mum, I've noticed your bath has not been used recently, I'm going to help you bath when I visit'. Don't give her (much of) a choice, as she may try to refuse. For some it is too overwhelming to do the whole get undressed, bathe, dry, redress routine. They take what they see as the easy option, not wanting to bother you. She may have enjoyed a leisurely wallow in beautifully warm water, she may have read in the bath, or listened to the radio. You could turn it into a pampering treat for you both to enjoy. Remember the many times she will have sat next to you in your bath and return her love.

It's not being lazy, the skin is so fragile with not enough oil in it that it's really quite painful to wash, same can be said of the hair.

Just to say be careful if getting a shower stool. I have what looks like a very sturdy one with arms, but if you lean on just one arm it tips over ...

After hip surgery I felt very unsafe if I didn’t have a shower/bathmat.
If we went away I would either take my own or ask the hotel for one, especially if I had to use a shower.
There are some which stick onto the shower floor and don’t move.

Oh and I think those non-slip bath mats can be dangerous. I had one and it slipped and I went flying!

So did someone[middle aged ish] that I know.
She said that hers needed cleaning[not at all meaning yours did].
I think it being a non slip mat gave her a false sense of security in her case.

I mentioned to my DH that his very independent auntie smelt odd some years ago. There was always washing out and she looked presentable as well as being fully mobile. I didn’t give it a second thought to be honest I saw her weekly we were quite close so I thought. She suddenly told me she was losing blood I immediately took her to the local Walk-in centre it was suggested that I take her to hospital.
I was totally shocked when the doctor who examined her told me her body was filthy. It was obvious she had not showered for months. It turned out she knew she had terminal cancer and just gave up it was very upsetting. The fact that I was close to her but did not know if I did I could have cared for her it broke my heart. She just kept it to herself how I wish I should have questioned the smell sooner.

My friend loves her bath but at 85/she was finding it difficult to get out. She has now got an electric sort of seat that lowers her gently in and out of the bath. She finds it very easy to use. We took ourvbath out as we never used it and now we have a beautiful, really big, walk-in shower.

I have a shower over the bath but occasionally I fancy a bath. I had a rotten head cold and decided a long soak in the bath would help me feel better but I was feeling really weak and struggled to get out. This is an interesting topic
and I will consider having a walk-in shower and a non- slip floor in the bathroom. Meantime 50 squats a day to improve hip flexibility! . Oh and I think those non-slip bath mats can be dangerous. I had one and it slipped and I went flying!

Thanks lemsip but my friends and family would most certainly tell me.

I know plenty of people who have had falls in the bath. Or bathroom.

A tin bath actually sounds quite appealing!

I have been looking on Rightmove lately. Not for myself.
Saw one bathroom with what looked like a sunken bath[no use at all to the op I presume].
I couldnt decide if they are a great idea. Or an awful one.

Honestly I'm happy to do whatever she wants, she just needs to be honest with me!
I think she was sitting in the bath letting the water out so she could get out safely using the non slip mat thing.
My FIL had his bath removed and a walk in shower in it's place. No real mess or new tiles etc. I've told her this too.

silverlining48 don't rely on anyone telling you! remember the adverts. 'even your friends won't tell you'

I've worked with people over the years who had BO and lived at home with their families but weren't told by them

Mil also had wall grips added for extra stability and a non slip floor.

I had the bath with an overhead shower removed from my en suite four years ago and replaced with a walk in shower. Getting in and out of the bath to shower can be very slippy and tbh I don't think it's suitable for people as they get older.
Mil lived with us in her late 90's and she had a walk in shower but we also provided a seat and made sure the bathroom was warm. However she eventually couldn't shower safely unaided so we got help as she didn't want me to help her tbh she took some persuading but once she'd got to know her carer they become good friends. I took her to the hairdressers for a shampoo and set on a regular basis so she didn't need to do her hair at home. My experience is that many older people find it difficult to accept they are no longer as independent as they were so getting them to accept help needs tack, kindness and diplomacy.

silverlining48

My gran didn’t have a single bath (or shower) in her whole life. She lived in a little house with no bathroom and an outside toilet and washed in her scullery sink, the only tap in the house. She always smelled of roses 🌹 and lived until she was 92.
I stopped using deodorant years ago, and don’t think I smell because if I did I know I would have been told.

I remember when we bought our first house, back in the mid seventies, local councils could give grants to homeowners who didn’t have a bathroom in their house.
The EOT house we bought had a new ground floor bathroom added onto the back.
It was freezing in there in winter, the shampoo froze in the bottle!

a person that I know who bathes everyday but washes her hair once a week so if I give her a hug it smells1 maybe that's what your brother senses....