Wedding Gift

That has reminded me about a wedding we went to some 30 years ago, second marriage for both, no longer young.
They asked guests, local ones anyway, to invite them to their home for dinner instead of presents, they had two of everything already.
It took some time for everyone to oblige and lots of weekend invitations and evenings out for them.
It was the era of dinner parties so we did our turn and it was “ fairly” enjoyable as we were not all that enamoured of the H, the bride was our friend but it was a nice way to celebrate them .

The most expensive wedding I've ever been to also had a line in the invite saying something like - "gifts not at all necessary as simply being with us on our special day is gift enough".

If you are spending £20,000 to £40,000 you don't need an extra £100!

A good friend of mine said to me "we have invited them out for dinner as they have everything they need"

I agree- you can't have an expensive showy wedding and then make out you have no money.

The whole wedding industry thing has got completely out of control.

Anneeba

I suggest looking at the venue's cost, is it a free bar, wedding breakfast plus evening buffet etc and use that as your baseline, adding the actual 'gifted' amount on top. Inviting someone to a formal wedding is so pricey nowadays and big venues have rigid rules about what the marrying couple are allowed to provide themselves to lower costs. Even a fairly simple wedding with frankly mass produced canteen style food with little flavour can cost well over £50 pp.

I’m inclined to think a couple shouldn’t have a free bar at their wedding if they are reliant on guests providing a large financial gift. My Mum was fond of the saying Cut your coat according to your cloth. Some guests simply cannot afford to gift hundreds of pounds.

So much will depend on a) what you can fairly easily afford, and b) how close you are to the bride and/or groom.

Last wedding we attended was for the son of a cousin who I rarely see now, but am fond of. £100 in a card, and unusually (for nowadays) we had a personal thank-you card within a very few weeks.

I suggest looking at the venue's cost, is it a free bar, wedding breakfast plus evening buffet etc and use that as your baseline, adding the actual 'gifted' amount on top. Inviting someone to a formal wedding is so pricey nowadays and big venues have rigid rules about what the marrying couple are allowed to provide themselves to lower costs. Even a fairly simple wedding with frankly mass produced canteen style food with little flavour can cost well over £50 pp.

We gave my cousin £20 towards a meal on Honeymoon plus over £50 in coin currency which we had accumulated. We were on a very tight budget.

I’ve been to 3 weddings in the past 4 years. All lovely events, at nice venues, with sit down lunch, evening disco and light buffet supper.
Each invitation said that they knew how expensive it was to attend a wedding, and that our presence was the best gift they could have. However, if anyone wanted to give a gift, a contribution towards their honeymoon trip would be welcome.

67notout

How strange, I was just this morning looking at a photo of our 1967 wedding reception. It was in the village hall, beautifully laid out by both our mums and three aunties. Such love. In the background were the wedding presents. So 58 years on some of those gifts are still in use, almost daily. Crockery, cutlery, linen napkins, Poole pottery, mirrors, photo frames, and so on. I guess the thing is buy quality or give a voucher for a quality store. I can remember who gave us these gifts although they are no longer with us.

Same here- I still use my stainless steel kitchen utensils after 45 years, means far more than a holiday I think.

I wonder who made these rules?

I would say at the at the very least £100 . My friends daughter recently got married and they were gobsmacked at some people who came , enjoyed a sit down meal and an open bar and gave nothing . Not even a card !!!,Another family of four adults , quite well off, gave £50 from all four of them, so £12.50 each and made full use of the open bar until midnight . That is mean and a bit greedy , needless to say, they won't make the guestlist of the next big event, lol .

It's also a cultural issue. One of my closest friends is French and her husband is Chinese. Both cultures give money or big value presents. Our children grew up together and they received a washing machine and high end luggage respectively! When their children married I happily reciprocated , but it was a push! When I married my Indian husband we just said we have everything we need but there's a list Harrods for China and crystal. This suited everyone. When I married yet again (big mistake) here in France a few French friends asked about our box. This was a box for guests to put money in! I had to explain that this was not part of English culture but we would appreciate fruit trees and rose bushes. These were welcomed along with a very up market picnic hamper!

I do like the British tradition of a list in a shop. A friend's daughter had an obscenely expensive dinner service, so I just bought two dinner plates!

I think the idea of an idea of a voucher for a spa, hotel or restaurant. It will be much appreciated and the donor remembered for that.

Usedtobeblonde

I find that wedding gifts are getting more and more generous and frankly more than I have expected in the past.
I haven’t been to a wedding for years but am invited to one in February.
The bride is a friend of my GD who is a bridesmaid.
The couple are both 30 with a young child, both owned their own flats when they got together and both in very good and high paying jobs, so it is a very grand affair.
I have very mixed feelings about the value of my gift.
Not asking for input just think others may feel as I do about the matter.
We are staying over at an expensive hotel the night of the wedding which further adds to cost.
I think back to the simple weddings of myself and our contemporaries costing peanuts really but as the saying goes “ the past is a foreign country”
First world problem and not helping the OP.

In your case, I would give enough to cover the costs of a couple of dining out, which is what they will be spending, as a minimum.

If they have a honeymoon booked, perhaps a small amount of foreign currency to cover a bottle of wine while they are away?

Katekeeprunning

£100@ pp unless you are part of bridal party, if so £200 pp

so a family 0f 6 is expected to give £600 no way. Where do people get this sort of money from??

£100@ pp unless you are part of bridal party, if so £200 pp

We have the same problem, a grandchild’s wedding. They have lived together for years and have two children. These days £100 does not go far. Vouchers are difficult as so many stores have closed down, even John Lewis are few and far between. None near them. It will have to be money.

Grannynannywanny

The last wedding I attended was 5 years ago in Ireland. My cousin’s son. The going rate then for an Irish wedding was £250. I simply couldn’t afford it in addition to travel and accommodation costs. I popped £100 in the card. They’re probably still talking about me. 😆

I wouldn’t care how rich I was if still think £100 was lovely.

How strange, I was just this morning looking at a photo of our 1967 wedding reception. It was in the village hall, beautifully laid out by both our mums and three aunties. Such love. In the background were the wedding presents. So 58 years on some of those gifts are still in use, almost daily. Crockery, cutlery, linen napkins, Poole pottery, mirrors, photo frames, and so on. I guess the thing is buy quality or give a voucher for a quality store. I can remember who gave us these gifts although they are no longer with us.

It seems an error had been made.

We would get a voucher for a lovely Hotel Spa or a lovely Parador Hotel in Spain for dinner or an evening at a Hotel Parador in Spain.

We would prefer not to give cash.

Georgesgran

Sorry - just seen you said close family.

Lovely idea ..

We have done same ..

It depends on how much you can afford. I gave one of my grandsons £200.00 which for me was a tidy sum, never had a thank you, so clearly not enough.

Give what you can afford,don't be pressured..money mad world these days

PurpleLove

They would prefer cash. I'm seeing anythingfrom £100 to £500 on line. So I'm thinking somewhere in the middle?

Perhaps £200 would be appreciated.

£100 is a good amount- £150 if you would like to send more - that is quite enough.

I think for the son of a cousin, unless you were very close, that was pretty generous.

I'm astonished by this thread.
Perhaps I've just not kept up with the time.

The last wedding in the family we were told to 'hold the date', then came the pandemic so it was postponed. By the time the wedding was organised we didn't get an invite. 🤔

PurpleLove

*keepingquiet*, they would like cash for their honeymoon but they haven't requested it.

Honeymoon? If they have set up house together therefore no need for practical gifts then it isn't a honeymoon it's a holiday, sorry.