No thanks.

justwokeup

My DM used to complain about not getting ’thank yous’ from some of her GC but I once asked her if she thanked them for the presents they always sent to her. The next day she gave me letters to post to them. They all got in touch to thank her for the letters and her gifts. Let’s hope we all practice what we preach.

This sounds like my childless aunt. She was forever complaining about ‘ never being thanked’ for her quite modest gifts, but, as far as I know, thanked for a gift given in person, but not otherwise.
Her other issue with relatives’ families was that she ‘ had to give four, but only got one back’!

mrsmeldrew

Sent £100 to eldest step grandchild - now adult. No acknowledgement. So no more.

👍 This is my thinking at the moment.

Why did you not say to them........Did you not get your presents ? I wondered because you haven't said thanks!

I live some distance away from a step-niece, her monetary gift is always sent electronically a few days before Christmas. Never a thank you message or phone call but last year her DF did message on the 21st to ask if I had sent the money yet!

I've had thanks from two of my gc. One hasn't opened my Christmas message yet!

Sueinkent I hope by now your grandchildren have received your gifts and have at least messaged thanks.

If they were signed for then obviously someone in the house has "taken them in". I hope the mystery has resolved by now and they are not so rude after all - and you are a bit less hurt.

Manners maketh the man.

I find that going through life with good manners, that includes saying thank you, helps in most situations.
Saying thank you to anyone who does one a good deed is really a basic lesson to learn. I think that includes saying thank you to anyone who sends you a gift even if it’s not what you want.

I feel the same as most of the posters. £50 gift cards for their favourite stores (I'd taken advice from DIL) for each of them (DstepGDs 12 & 16) plus a few things like smart-looking (and dare I say expensive) make up bags. I was there when they opened them. Nothing at all. Not a word. And certainly not a text later. This is how it has been for some time. We got the 12 year old a computer for her birthday (requested and selected by her in conjunction with DstepS). (In addition to the £100 in premium bonds they get every birthday, plus the pocket money every month.) Heard nothing. And yet they are pleasant and lively. But I'm giving up on presents. Will henceforth do a bank transfer every birthday and Christmas. Will continue with the premium bonds and pocket money. But nothing else. Not even a gift card from a shop. I feel a fool.

Is this something that should be highlighted on Mumsnet? Maybe modern Mums don't teach children that they need to say thanks? Looks like quite a few will be left wondering why presents have stopped being given otherwise.

I am pleased that my daughter always insisted on the two grandchildren writing thank you letters.

It has tailed off in recent years but they say thank you on the phone.

I stopped sending gifts when they stopped sending thank yous.

The discussion about gratitude v. taking things for granted further up the list is interesting and thought-provoking. My other DstepGD (from other DstepS) is 7, and has been taught to say thank you. (We also get a photo her wearing/playing with/reading the present in question.) I think that the sentiment of gratitude gradually comes with the thanking. I don't see it as a deep sense of obligation, just an acknowledgement that some thought and effort has been deployed. Something to do with putting yourself in the place of the other person. I should add that both DstepSs lived with us from an early age, and I used to supply them with cards, address the envelopes, and more or less dictate the thank you letters. But I think (unless I delude myself) that they felt good about making that gesture. Of course today I wouldn't expect an actual letter through the post (although I always get one from great nieces and nephews, and that gives me great pleasure) but I'd be over the moon to get a text. Or even a verbal thank you.

I’ve got a simple rule. If I send something I expect at least a text. If I don’t get it, then they get nothing the next time. I cannot stand bad manners. Their choice.

DiamondLily

I’ve got a simple rule. If I send something I expect at least a text. If I don’t get it, then they get nothing the next time. I cannot stand bad manners. Their choice.

Yep. Sounds like a plan.

Fidelity2

Why did you not say to them........Did you not get your presents ? I wondered because you haven't said thanks!

Good idea, simple.

I'm not generally one to push but I will be mentioning to Ma or Pa that I send my DGS now 13 a WhatsApp telling him how much money he was getting and no reply. but tread carefully as he is a bit autistic (very mild)

Get genuine thanks for the presents I give GD, aged 14 and GS, aged 12. But they are handed face to face and their parents are there. Maybe it’s easier to forget if it’s money or vouchers?

Leave it a few weeks then say " Did you get yourself something nice with your Christmas money? "
I hope they will make some gracious response like "Yes thanks , I got a game I've been saving up for".
But if all you get is a nod or shrug, then you follow up with

" I did wonder, because I hadn't heard. I think next time , I'll just choose something you might like".

Next time, you buy them charity gifts like a herd of goats or a clean water kit and present the GC with a card that says " Happy Birthday; I have sponsored a guide dog in your name" or whatever.

Happy Birthday; I have sponsored a guide dog in your name" or whatever.

A few years ago I sponsored a Guide Dog puppy and a Hearing Dog puppy for our two grandchildren for Christmas.

They received a welcome pack with a soft toy puppy, and get "pupdates" through the year.
Each puppy takes two years to train and is then matched with the person they will live with and help.

I have chosen for my standing order to carry on and as one puppy graduates my grandchildren are sent details of their new puppy.
They have been really thrilled with this ongoing present and are now on their third puppy each 🐶🐶

I read somewhere it's a thing now that parents don't force children to say thank you because they remember the pain of having to write thank you letters for things they didn't even want, so leave it up to the children to say thank you or not. They don't feel they should force children to lie and pretend to be grateful when they are not.

IMO - if I can put myself out to organize a present the recipient should at least be willing to put themselves out to say thank you. If they're not willing to do so much as drop me a text they'll understand that I am no longer willing to put myself out either so no more presents. A 'busy life' is just an excuse for not bothering.

Ambergran that is such nonsense isnt it ? my children and some of the grandchildren, when little, wrote simple little letters or even drew a picture and wrote the word thank you
Maybe it was a chore but as adults I always get lovely thank yous if not in person a text or phone call and I m sure it didn’t harm them in the least
How horrible to tell children they don’t need to say thank you if they don’t like the present that’s awful, I taught my children that they always said thank you even it was something they didn’t want because someone went to the trouble and expense of giving them something Disgraceful

I only have one grandchild who opened 'our sides' presents at our house on Christmas morning. She thanked hubby and me for our gifts and within a few days had telephoned /texted those living away for theirs. She spoke to our neighbours who had given her gifts by Christmas afternoon. Her parents are separated so I don't know what happens regarding the other side, but her mum ensures thanks are given.

^^V3ra
Happy Birthday; I have sponsored a guide dog in your name" or whatever.

A few years ago I sponsored a Guide Dog puppy and a Hearing Dog puppy for our two grandchildren for Christmas.

They received a welcome pack with a soft toy puppy, and get "pupdates" through the year.
Each puppy takes two years to train and is then matched with the person they will live with and help.

I did the same for my DGD and we are on our third guide dog now. The first one, unfortunately didn’t make the grade but went on to be a buddy dog. The second is now fully trained and we have another in training who is doing very well. It is a lovely thing to do and my DGD really enjoys getting the updates and photos. I would urge other people to do the same.

I have seven grandchildren and all but one always thanks me for their gifts and money the adult grandson has two little girls and I always send presents for him and his wife and money for the great grandchildren as I don’t know what toys they have or are getting, he hasn’t even texted to acknowledge that they have received them, even though I know they received them
Next year I’m not going to buy for them just give the children money is that being horrible.

I think it starts very soon.
A friend's 15 month grandchild was delivered to her for granny-sitting in front of a group of friends She was much admired, offered a drink and a biscuit which she grabbed, and a chorus of nanny voices said 'please,ta, thank you' etc,'
Granny tossed her head and said, 'oh she won't say that; she is very independent.
'Like her mother, I thought, to whom I had given a present of babygros on her birth and received no acknowledgement.