Requesting permission to take children out

We take our DGD out regularly and have done since she was a baby (she’s an only child so no sibling problem) but we always check with our DD before mentioning anything to her.

Grammaretto

I'm not even trusted with the dog!

Yet I used to send my boys off on the train alone aged 10 and 8 to spend a fortnight on the Suffolk coast with their DGP. My inlaws.

Perhaps that's why I'm not trusted....

The inlaws wouldn't have the youngest brother, they said 2 is plenty, so I had to amuse him without his brothers.
The older ones had a great time and still talk about those days.

They get very worried about sending their own DC anywhere, citing it's a changed world now.

I think your on the wrong post…..

You’re not being ridiculous at all. Mine does similar but she is a very nasty bitter old women who loves causing trouble!
I do believe there is some who do it without any harm as well, but either way you are not being ridiculous.

I'd not want OP's PILs around my children. My opinions

We all make mistakes. Big ones and small ones. I prefer to discuss mistakes big or small and then make informed decisions.

As you say your opinion. Mine is different for reasons I have explained. So be it

As you say the OP is understandably angry with her PiL as is her husband, their son but not calling them bad. As parents they are dealing with it sensibly regarding a very unfortunate mistake that the GPs made. How things pan out in the future after those discussions will inform how the OP and her husband respond. Hopefully the GPs have learnt a lesson

I called them bad, OP was just angry.

I'd not want OP's PILs around my children. My opinions.

Smileless2012

I agree Madgran that talking about good and bad parents or GP's isn't relevant to this thread. It's funny isn't it how many posts there are suggesting the OP's p's.i.l. are 'bad' which wasn't ever suggested by the OP .

As you say the OP is understandably angry with her PiL as is her husband, their son but not calling them bad. As parents they are dealing with it sensibly regarding a very unfortunate mistake that the GPs made. How things pan out in the future after those discussions will inform how the OP and her husband respond. Hopefully the GPs have learnt a lesson

Norah Grandparents, bad or good are a fact, keeping GC at a distance from bad grandparents is something good parents should consider

Well yes but sensible adult discussion comes first and a judgement of whether they fully understand their mistake, have learnt from it and won't do it again should come first. After that one has the right information to make a considered judgement on the way forward.

I agree Madgran that talking about good and bad parents or GP's isn't relevant to this thread. It's funny isn't it how many posts there are suggesting the OP's p's.i.l. are 'bad' which wasn't ever suggested by the OP .

I don't see being a Grandparent as a right either! But being a Grandparent is a fact however that role develops for individuals.

Grandparents, bad or good are a fact, keeping GC at a distance from bad grandparents is something good parents should consider.

Grandparent as a fact? Well I suppose, biologically and legally. There is far more to being a grandparent than that though. It is a different role to parent and a different kind of relationship

And your point is? My comment was specifically iin response to another poster which that statement relevant! I have made it clear from the beginning that I disagree with what the GPs did...and talking about what makes a good GP or parent is not really relevant to the specific actions raised by the OP.

I'm really not sure what you are trying to say in the context of this thread but so be it

Grandparent as a fact? Well I suppose, biologically and legally. There is far more to being a grandparent than that though. It is a different role to parent and a different kind of relationship.

There are plenty of mothers, fathers, uncles, grandparents etc letting children down but those labels are a fact I suppose.

It would be easier to talk about what makes a good grandparent and respecting the parents wishes I would have thought is a rather huge part of that. If the legal system and other child centered organisations would agree the parents are good ones then respecting that seems easier than the reality of family relationship lol too often.

Two very sensible posts Madgran.

Oldmumnewgran

I see I am different to most of you.
I don't see being a Grandparent as my right.
I think it's just for me to be available to help out when needed and to step back when not wanted !

I don't see being a Grandparent as a right either! But being a Grandparent is a fact however that role develops for individuals.

Reading posts I think the majority AGREE with you that asking the kids first should not happen.

In this particular case as a parent I would be hesitant to allow an overnight trip for quite a while until I trusted them. But as a general principle overnight trips with trusted carers is I think a good thing for children, enabling a steady growing of confidence away from parents and helping to build resilience over time. You clearly had some unfortunate experiences when leaving your children. I did not!

Nothing in these posts suggest that the grandparents posting think they should be interfering rather than
" being available to help out when needed and to step back when not wanted" just like you.

I see I am different to most of you.
I don't see being a Grandparent as my right.
I think it's just for me to be available to help out when needed and to step back when not wanted !

And as a grandmother I would NEVER APPROACH THE KIDS FIRST ABOUT AN ARRANGEMENT!
THAT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL!

I would just say no.
No, we can't allow the kids to go on this outing without us ESPECIALLY for an over night trip.
I think it's underhand to ask the kids first.
I think it's also totally irresponsible.
I WOULDN'T be saying "take the youngest as well! "
I'd be saying No, No, and No again!
I found overnight trips to other relatives ( without me ) tended to be nothing short of a night mare.
My very own brother sat my kids on his knee to DRIVE THE CAR UP AND DOWN THE DRIVEWAY!
THAT'S A NO!
My closest friend was STARKERS IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.
And,No, I didn't agree with that either.
And sometimes when they start by being undermining they end up being undermining.
It's just a b** nightmare ! And not worth it for a moment!

I think the OP and her husband have done the right things:

*They have discussed together the way forward and agree that it cannot be ignored

*Husband has talked to his parents and presumably has explained the problem. I hope he has gained clarity on why they weren't planning to take the 4 year old as well. Assuming the parents have understood and agreed it wont happen again then all well and good

I would hope that dealing with it this way means that the family can move on hopefully with some better understanding together

I can see nothing helpful in instigating "a long break", towards reaching a constructive way forward for the family to the benefit of all. Adults all behaving like adults and discussing honestly and sorting out problems should always be the starting point when problems arise!

welbeck

Team Norah

Thank you.

I'd think people should not meddle. Simple really.

My thoughts too Allsorts. Long breaks at this stage is OTT and emigration!!!

Oh absolutely. Plenty of people that would drive you absolutely potty if you didn't avoid them for a bit sometimes. Emigrating is an option.

Always ask parents first. However I am sure they will in future, nothing to get upset about. Everyone knows what's what now.

Team Norah

Yes we do Norah .

Smileless2012

The OP says they, and I think she's referring to the children and their paternal GP's, have a great relationship so why have a long break which would inevitably mean for as long as that break lasted, the children wouldn't see them Norah?

IMO people need breaks from bad behaviour. No reason to act as if bad behaviour is normal, nothing wrong with a few months break.

We disagree.

The OP says they, and I think she's referring to the children and their paternal GP's, have a great relationship so why have a long break which would inevitably mean for as long as that break lasted, the children wouldn't see them Norah?