Grandaughter does not want to visit me to her Grandfather .

My eldest granddaughter is 10, nearly 11 and while my daughter and her family visit me every week at the moment, I’m not sure how much longer this will continue. I’m sure it’s quite boring at my house for the 10 year old!

Nicolenet

Ignore her, no treats or presents, no hugs or smiles. She isn't worth bothering. Happy New Year x

Surely, you do not mean this seriously?

If you do: what a way to attempt to teach a child to show consideration to others!

Thought that was a relevant question.

@ Bucci were you referring to my reply?

As I've seen this happen a few times. Especially where the MIL and DIL don't get on.

So I only wondered if this could be the case.

A simple answer from Suzieque66 saying no problems there, that's all.

Sorry if I offended.

Wow! I don’t think that’s the answer at all.

Is she your Sons or Daughters child? If it's your Sons, how is your relationship with your daughter in law? Or your Son for that matter.

Sorry if this has already been asked, I did not read all the comments.

My granchildren range from 3 to 25 years old. They go through phases , they are busy with friends, bored because there is nothing to do at yours then work begins and time is hard to find. Have you tried arranging to take her out somewhere of her choice ?
ADHDcould affect her and will take time for her to accept. Give her time and keep messaging reminding her of your love.

Is there a way you could meet her with her parents on neutral ground, or in their home? If you are on her ground she may be more relaxed and then you could just behave as is normal to you and not raise the subject of why she is not visiting you for a while and just see if it eases in a while. focusing on her lack of visits will I think not improve things. Hope things improve

Exactly , I have 4 who I lavished love on and half raised and it's like I now dont exist, my grandaughter got married ,a big wedding, everyone went except she didnt invite her grandpa and I, I really dont care about them anymore, it took a long time but I got there, karma will get them

Thank you for all the useful comments ... I will always be here for her ... I think I feel the loss as she has always been cute and sweet in past years ,,I will wait till she comes to us , and Im sure she will come around ,

Families can be awkward but what would we do without them.
Some of you may have read my message about visiting my son who lives in NZ despite his comment a few months back,
‘We want you dead’.

As I know this is definitely not my son and he did add that he shouldn’t have brought up the comment also he would kindly meet me at the airport but I have no idea how he intends to come.
Yesterday he mentioned, as the day before I arrive they will be in Auckland to celebrate a niece’s 21st then my DIL intends to drive back in their one car and take my granddaughter with them so have no idea how Nigel will get to the airport This now is making my visit awkward
While my DIL never speaks on the phone and now their daughter has become less affectionate.

Katekeeprunning

Nicolenet

Ignore her, no treats or presents, no hugs or smiles. She isn't worth bothering. Happy New Year x

Harsh words

She’s ten for goodness sake, talk about a hanging judge.

Our ND grandchild much prefers we take them out to coming to our home - if favourite food is on offer it helps a bit but if not going out they much prefer to be in their own home or one much more familiar to them. We live an hour away, other family are close by. Try not to worry suzieq. It’s worth trying to think of life from their viewpoint. What makes them happy, what doesn’t. We just try to support ever changing needs.

This happens and will indeed probably blow over. But meanwhile my advice is to ask her what she would like to do with you two. Have a holiday break somewhere, or what my 14yrs old grandaughter wanted - a visit to a comic shop?

Katekeeprunning,I just said same thing... a despicable uneducated thing to say.....

Nicolenet, that is a despicable thing to say! She has ADHD and is 10 years old. You obviously have no idea about children on 'the spectrum' it's not bad behaviour it's a condition. .educate yourself!

Nothing...my wee grandaughter is 4 autistic,non verbal and with learning disabilities. I get no affection whatsoever and it hurts terribly but I just have to go with it as do you.Sorry if tgat sounds harsh but you cannot force her. Hooefully she will come tmround again plus she is a pre teen....

My DGS was 12 when he decided that he did not want to come any more, but he is OK if I go there when he is home.

His ND means he does not like certain smells, feels or being touched and it has got worse. DIL has not passed on any concerns but it could be anything like that.

NotSpaghetti

cc
Her mother and I sat her down and explained that we didn't like her to quarrel with us

...I'm sure she doesn't like you quarrelling with her either.

Spot on

cc

We have a similar problem with a 10 year old, she quarrels with us all the time which is very wearing and now she has told her mother that she doesn't want to see us because we don't like her. She simply isn't able to let an idea go once it is in her head, however ridiculous.
Her mother and I sat her down and explained that we didn't like her to quarrel with us but that we did love her and she seems better now.

It takes two to quarrel why do you quarrel with a 10 year old. You are not friends you are her grandparents and she is a granddaughter of yours. Be the adult here and treat her with love.

I tripped myself up running to the comments as I have a granddaughter who I’ve adored all her life, the apple of my eye! She’s 23 years now, no real focus, further education interrupted by covid and has gone from sofa surfing to hostel living, no real job for the last 4 years? When she stayed a few days with me a few months ago, according to her mom (my daughter) she thought I was ‘going to physically attack her’!) My daughter made me promise I wouldn’t mention this to my granddaughter? I know she smokes pot, could this be psychosis? As I’m the least violent person that I know of 🥲

ArthurAskey

Why waste time and energy on someone who has no time for you?

It’s a child we are talking about here 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think it's fairly common round this age. Lots going on puberty, friendships, school. I. My experience most make their way back if no one makes a big deal of it.

My sister used to bribe her grandchildren with ice cream.

Nothing you can do and it's nothing anymore has done. My 9 year dgs is autistic and is the same. It's difficult to get used to, yet we must.

I'm hopeful it will change in the future.