Divorce at 75

BlueBelle

I ve divorced twice, I ve been on my own about 28 years and
I know I m so much better off both emotionally and mentally
It’s funny really when you think of how people are brainwashed into believing their life will only be good if they are part of a pair. It’s understandable when you are starting a family but otherwise why does it have to be that your life is only complete if you are a twosome (no matter how bad it is)

Good luck thinkfree

So true! I wish I had stayed single. Maybe at my age I should rethink.

I ve divorced twice, I ve been on my own about 28 years and
I know I m so much better off both emotionally and mentally
It’s funny really when you think of how people are brainwashed into believing their life will only be good if they are part of a pair. It’s understandable when you are starting a family but otherwise why does it have to be that your life is only complete if you are a twosome (no matter how bad it is)

Good luck thinkfree

I’ve restarted on my own twice and they were the best decisions ever. I’m married now to a quite canny bloke but he’s so opinionated and I’m not the same person. But at nearly 74 I don’t think I can restart again. I’m tired and Fedup all the time. I keep busy with my crafts but inside I’m crying.
OP - good luck! Please do what suits you best and please don’t worry about what your family say.
I’m good at giving out advice but rubbish at sorting out my own stuff. Take care.

I worked providing support for people with dementia and their carers. I met several couples who had been unhappy together for years before the diagnosis of dementia.The added burden of caring made this much worse. More than one carer said that should have left the marriage years ago. Some people did separate, some found peace only when a partner went into care, but most stayed and suffered because of guilt. I think if you feel that your life will be better apart then you should make that happen.

Wait your time, get all your papers together, even have an escape account if possible. Only when you have seen a solicitor, knowing where you stand, should you start proceedings.
Good Luck.

Wel done xxx

One of the last things my mum said to me before she died was she wished she'd left my dad years earlier.

He was such a difficult man. My lovely mum had the patience of a saint.

My DH is away this weekend and once again I realise how much calmer and happier I am with just my cat, he's happier too.
I'm 72, we've been married 44 years. He's not a bad man but he is opinionated and untidy, he can be argumentative and passive aggressive as well as defensive. My health has got significantly worse in the last 18 months and I'm sure the constant conflict is part of the reason.

I have become much more sensitive to noise and disruption and he is very dismissive and then if I protest says sorry but he doesn't change. I have been looking at houses for sale and realised that I could afford a little house of my own if I could get through the trauma of selling and separating. He will make it difficult I know. It's encouraging to hear from those who have gone through it and are happier even if poorer.

I think those divorcing before their 60s and also those with sufficient funds, family support etc have had a different experience. I divorced recently after 35 years and we lost a lot of money on the house. I'm quite scared of the future I will have to carry on working as long as possible. However what I did was morally right - he was emotionally abusive and I should have left many years ago. But being right doesn't make things right and I am facing a difficult and uncertain future.

I wouldn't discourage anyone from doing it if they can afford to though.

Mazgg

I left my husband when I was 75 and divorced when 77. I am now 83 and living a comfortable and peaceful life on my own with no regrets.

That’s so lovely

I didn’t get married until I was 39 and am now 67 and still married.

However, my only observation is that if this what you, or anyone wants, seeks financial advice, put your affairs in order and go for it. Best of luck

Its been very cheering here, we are not only not alone, but thriving!

Good luck, thinkfree. Being in a happy marriage is wonderful: being in an unhappy marriage is terrible.
If you need cheerleaders, then divorced GNetters are here for you.

Disagree, it’s not the children’s lives here it’s the op

I wish you good luck and great happiness.

Unless you are including the cost of re-drafting wills and POA's as well.

Nanniejude

Currently getting divorced at 65! Wished we done it years ago but stayed for financial reasons. If you use a solicitor it’s about £5k each. It’s a long and stressful process. Then there’s selling up and down sizing, also stressful.
Hopefully peace and happiness at the end of it all.

No thats not true for all at all! Not now there is the new No blame divorce. don't get ripped off.

If both are willing and complete the forms quickly and honestly and there are no children involved than its well under £1000 unless you have to start involving accountants and other experts for money matters

Currently getting divorced at 65! Wished we done it years ago but stayed for financial reasons. If you use a solicitor it’s about £5k each. It’s a long and stressful process. Then there’s selling up and down sizing, also stressful.
Hopefully peace and happiness at the end of it all.

This is from a different angle: my parents had a bitter, hate-filled divorce in their late 70's, with things dredged up from years ago. It was absolute hell for me and my siblings. So please do consider HOW you go about it before wounding your children in the process. Good Luck!

Seems there really are some difficult men out there.

Divorced my ex in my late 40s after 17 years of mostly unhappy marriage. This was despite having no qualifications, employment or savings of my own, having been a stay at home mum for 16 years. He completely walked out of his children's lives paying no child support even taking redundancy from his employment (I suspect to punish me).
His solicitor was better than mine so I'd ended up with big debts and having to buy him out of the house. Worth every penny!
Graduated with an honours degree 9 years later then an MSc a year later, started working and am now in a a work role I'm passionate about, (albeit in a poorly paid sector but by my choice). I have never regretted leaving him. Our children have flourished and this year I have been divorced longer than I was married. I wish I'd done it years before

I'd start by ringing a solicitor first. She was recommended and shall always be grateful as she was efficient and kind and supportive and always pointed out when to save money.

It's usually 30 mins free advice, it needed an hour for me.

I'd open my account and get all papers in order and make a proper list of them and account numbers, whose name they are in etc before telling him.

The newish No Blame divorces are a real blessing. You don't have to prove fault. But the cost depends on whether he fully co-operates or not, as if "not" then time and serving court orders can be involved. Even then, the overall bill was a little over £1.200

Just my experience.

I wouldn't sound out children first. Frankly, it's not their decision to make but yours. I'm glad you are making a start. I was divorced at 42 and am now in my late 60s. It's the best decision I made.
Tell him your decision to split. If he is likely to be aggressive, have someone with you.
Contact a lawyer for advice regarding property etc.
Open a separate bank account as soon as possible. Move half of any money from a joint account into it.
Collect all your paperwork, including pension evidence as I presume you are both retired. Any stocks and shares? ISA? Passport etc
Begin to disentangle by no longer doing his washing not cooking for him etc. Be careful about this. My ex was furious because I hadn't booked the hairdresser for him and created a massive fight in front of her.
Share with your friends and family your decision but be clear it's your decision and not theirs. I wish you lots of luck and happiness

I left my marriage of 40+ years -3 years ago. I was 66 . He was a drinker , MH problems etc. was so frightened of him - moods & verbal abuse . We divorced this year , an online amicable one approx £500 .
The first year was an emotional rollercoaster , how family & friends react can come as a surprise/ shock.
I was still working so financially viable , since retired . I have built up a wonderful social friendship group . I don’t regret it - maybe I should have done it sooner but you just know when the times up - Good luck 🤞

My husband and I parted company when I was 70 after a miserable 40 year marriage. However there was no good reason to divorce so we are “estranged”. At the time we sold our property and I was able to buy a small house. He had to rent after living with our son didn’t work out. I am very happy on my own and glad I took up social activities like the WI. It’s great to eat when I like, go out when I like, watch what telly I like etc. However at 81 I still drive and he doesn’t (he’s 90) so I take him shopping and take his washing. I just wish he’d taken the decision for us to part 30 years sooner.