A question on over-thinking

I'm not an overthinker except when it comes to eating out, I run through the, sometimes, enormous menues, then reread them again, make a decision, change my mind. Start again from scratch and eventually copy what somebody else is eating and end up disappointed with my choice.

One of my sons does a lot of overthinking about, well, most things really.It gets to the point where he even makes lists to help.And he keeps coming back to fully discuss it,or 'mull it over' etc,to the point where we are a bit fed up of going over it to be honest..but we would'nt tell him so..Do you have any ASD issues at all Kiwibird? My son does, a little.He says it reasures him to do this, as he likes to get things clear in his mind.Apologies if you were asked that already,but i had'nt time to read all your answers today.Hope it helped you if you too try write things down, make a list etc too.

Definitely another over thinker here. Always been the same but now I'm on my own I'm more anxious about not making a foolish or incorrect decision so I ponder on for ever or so it seems.

I used to over think too. If you think you are over thinking then you are. Give yourself a break and do something else. You can always come back to it. If it’s not important let it go or possibly make a note of it to come back to if you must. Good luck.

I’m a Libran so I always overthink until I make a decision then I absolutely stop thinking about it. It’s getting to that point. For instance my microwave completely gave up last week. Couldn’t decide on an airfryer or a microwave to replace it. This morning I woke up and said microwave it is so I bought one. Did I dream a decision? Maybe

In your original post, I’m not sure if you’re referring to over thinking or procrastination. I can over think and it isn’t useful when I can’t stop! It rarely helps me make a decision as I usually do that with just a moderate amount of thinking . But I do keep on going over things that are often painful or negative and it serves no purpose really.
In contrast my husband isn’t generally a great thinker but he procrastinates because he perceives that he should give something more consideration, looking at it from every possible angle, before he gets on with it. It doesn’t always make his final decision the best one.
It sounds like you’re thinking a lot about a decision you have to make and in my experience, it doesn’t necessarily make the final decision any the better. …unless you need to gather more actual information before you can do that. Good luck!

Hello Kiwi bird, I think overthinking is fine. I do it all the time. Simple things and complex things too. Simple things......what shall I cook am I too old to wear leggings etc. For once we have time to overthink so why not. 🌹

I overthink everything and I find it very stressful especially when it concerns family members.

Over-thinking is where your thoughts go around and around in an unhelpful and unproductive loop, often leading to anxiety and 'analysis paralysis' where you become so overwhelmed by information or options that you are unable to make a decision or to take action. It often stems from a fear of making the wrong choice or a desire for perfection, leading to missed opportunities, wasted time and anxiety.
Try the 5x5 rule for overthinking. If a problem or situation will not matter in five years, do not spend more than five minutes worrying about it. Either make a decision and act after 5 minutes or distract yourself somehow and may be come back to it later when you're mind is fresh and you're not just going around in circles!

I over think things, I'm always looking for ways to sort issues out, usually not my own!
I know I have sleepless nights with things going over and over in my head. Maybe it's habit forming?

Thank you, Kiwibird, for starting this interesting and useful thread. I don't think I'm an overthinker, but my DD certainly is, particularly in regard to her two sons, now 22 and 19. They are both lovely young men, but all their lives she has worried unnecessarily about them and (I believe) has made them risk-averse, which is rather sad. She's always needed me to talk out her worries with and I'm used to long phone calls which seem to help.

I'm an overthinker too, when I speak to my husband about things he expects me to stick with my first thought, which of course I don't. I often end up thinking entirely the opposite, and something different the next day.

I think my over thinking goes back to my childhood and the way I was brought up. I was definitely a nervous child. Think it depends on how you see overthinking I’m a definite thinker nit a doer. 🫣

I’m the absolute opposite, very impulsive. I can’t think of any decision I’ve made that I regret although I’m sure there must have been a few! If it feels right just do it. In my mind over thinking just confuses.

I think life makes us more cautious as we age due to past experiences so we over analyse things. I never used to be like this but I am now.

me too. At night I have a washing machine brain on and on it swirling around pressing for answers reminding me of stains I have caused to myself and others my brain spinning out of control!

MayBee70

I’m an over thinker and a lot of it is because in any situation I don’t just think about how it will affect me but also how it will affect everyone else. I’m also a worst case scenario sort of person. When I had a worrying blood test result recently I keep thinking of what my physio said to me ‘ don’t over think it’. And I must admit that she was right and, in future I’m going to try to take her advice ( not sure if it will work, though…).

With age cometh cynicism.

I wouldnt be thinking "What if?" re other people and just think "They can do their own thinking - whilst I do my own thinking". Long experience has taught me it's very rare for other people to spend any time thinking on how things are for others and they will usually think about themselves only - if that.

I think if you're a thinker then there will be times when it gets away from you. I'd still rather be a thinker when it comes down to it.

Most of this is because we are introverts. It's a shame that "introvert" is so misused. It just means you live quite an inward life. An extrovert lives quite an outward one. We need both and all stages in between.

I’m an over thinker and a lot of it is because in any situation I don’t just think about how it will affect me but also how it will affect everyone else. I’m also a worst case scenario sort of person. When I had a worrying blood test result recently I keep thinking of what my physio said to me ‘ don’t over think it’. And I must admit that she was right and, in future I’m going to try to take her advice ( not sure if it will work, though…).

I am a serial overthinker. It used to drive DH mad. “Just make a b****y decision, woman! It’s not rocket science!” Now I can overthink to my hearts content and get nothing done. Life is full of ”what ifs”.

Terribull - your granddaughter by definition won't yet be as aware of how stupid some other people can be as someone two generations older than her.

With age doesn't necessarily come wisdom - but it does bring on cynicism of the "If someone can get something wrong and muck it up" means there's a good chance they'll do just that. So you're aware t'other person may be a selfish/unfocused idiot....

Flippinheck

I suspect my overthinking began when my children were young. We lived a long way from family and I had no support. I was anxious, aware of the responsibility for the safety and well being of two tiny children, and very demanding husband. I tried to anticipate and prepare for every scenario, even those beyond my control. And the habit stuck. Until my daughter told me (nicely) that I overthink I hadn’t even realised I did it and her tendency to just take things as they come seemed ridiculous to me. Now I can see that overthinking has contributed to my general anxiety and I am trying hard to distract myself. Easier said than done though.

That's entirely understandable imo.

Having to do 4 peoples worth of thinking for them and I gather a lot of women still have to do some of their husbands thinking for them (eg they'll help with the housework - but have to be told what needs doing, rather than realising it of themselves). That phrase "mental load" that married/living together women often use to denote that they're having to do some of his share of the thinking - as well as their own share.

I definitely overthink, every different kind of scenario occurs depending on certain situations, anxiety is a facet of my personality I think.

Recently when mid teen granddaughter was staying with us, I was driving her into our local town. There's a pub halfway down the hill where there have been occasions when drivers emerge from the car park without giving due caution into the line of traffic. So I tend to slow down somewhat as I approach that spot. My granddaughter sitting next to me questioned that, I told her a precautionary measure as to the unexpected. Her "I think you're overthinking the situation" oh thanks for the benefit of your worldly experience were my inner thoughts that lay unexpressed.

GrannySomerset

Madeleine has it right - some things need to be thought through from every angle, others don’t need or deserve such effort. I suppose the trick is knowing which is which.

True dat.

One thing I've learnt is that if something is taking up a lot of mindspace then I find it useful to go for a walk and sometimes solutions/or at least a bit of a way forward come up whilst I'm focusing on walking and I write them down in a mini notebook I put in my handbag if I know something needs working out.

I always keep a notebook and biro by my bed - for those "middle of the night" how-to type thoughts and then there's no telling myself "I must remember that useful thought until the morning". I write it down and throw that notebook on the floor - so that when I get up it's a reminder I've written down a to-do note there. It's off my mind then and I can focus on going back to sleep. That tip was invaluable at times when I was, say, doing two full-time jobs and only being paid for one of them (the other being voluntary).

I'm very prone to list-making - what needs doing and the most important order to do it in.

I will ask for advice if it's helpful - eg asking how to deal with living in an area where what should take one visit to a shop to sort out and Job Done is turning into four (!!!!) visits to 3 different shops to complete the task (ie getting a very basic phone I've bought up-and-running). That's very far from the only thing that has taken a lot more effort than should be necessary to get it done and dusted and it drives me mad all this time-wasting because someone else hasn't got their act together.

It's as well to think things through properly imo - rather than "running at it" and forgetting or bodging part of the process.

Some really helpful insights here, thankyou everyone x