A question on over-thinking

Kiwibird. Me, too! I can't help it. Wonder why we do it? I like to talk things over and think things through.

I m sure I overthink and probably always have, I go over and over things in my brain, even to the point of going over the same thing and coming up with the same solutions.
I don’t really let it worry me or try to change it I am what I am.

There are times when you wish your mind had an 'off' switch! However, if you have a problem and distract yourself with something completely irrelevant, you often come to a solution. Yesterday, I was struggling over a crossword. I just couldn't make any sense of it. I left it and did some sewing. When I picked up the paper later, it didn't take long for me to figure it out and I finished the crossword in no time.

Not meaning to be a smart arse but I think you are over thinking overthinking. Best phrase for me is c’est la vie. Very wise, the French.

I think it depends on what you are overthinking about. There are some subjects that you can meander on about for a long time. However for an example, if you see a tear in your carpet, where you can catch your foot, you do need to think what your options are from buying a new carpet, to getting it mended, or taking it up. But it is important that you make a decision and follow this through quickly or you could have a fall. Trying to decide where you might like to go on holiday, will only mean that if you leave it for a long time they may be fully booked and you will not have that option. Whilst you can spend as long as you like thinking whether you want to change the colour of your raincoat or sheets. It is recognizing which category something belongs to that is important.

With greatest respect Nana8 you ve been over over thinking in a recent thread you started Saying no more

I do over think so much so that I think myself out of making decisions.

I used to be quite decisive so get annoyed with myself for putting off getting things done.

Overthinking is often linked to anxiety, not always though.
Deep breathing is the answer to stop your brain going into overdrive.
When your deep breathing your counting and being aware of your breath.

I agree with madeleine45.

Deep thinking is logical and almost always teaches a decision or a solution. Usually at the end you feel positive and satisfied.

Over thinking is emotional and repeats the same pattern over and over and almost never reaches a conclusion. Usually it leaves you feeling unsatisfied and drained.

Madeleine has it right - some things need to be thought through from every angle, others don’t need or deserve such effort. I suppose the trick is knowing which is which.

Lathyrus3

Deep thinking is logical and almost always teaches a decision or a solution. Usually at the end you feel positive and satisfied.

Over thinking is emotional and repeats the same pattern over and over and almost never reaches a conclusion. Usually it leaves you feeling unsatisfied and drained.

I agree with this and also Mum2three. Deep thinkers can also be over-thinkers at times, but over-thinkers are rarely deep thinkers. This is just my experience.
Over thinking is definately linked to anxiety.

Did anyone ever tell Einstein not to overthink?
I do think this is almost always aimed at women.

DH is a deep thinker, I think I’m an over thinker. He is often surprised when I put forwards all the possible things that can go wrong with life.
He uses evidence and rationale to assure me that it will all be ok. It often is.

madeleine45

I think it depends on what you are overthinking about. There are some subjects that you can meander on about for a long time. However for an example, if you see a tear in your carpet, where you can catch your foot, you do need to think what your options are from buying a new carpet, to getting it mended, or taking it up. But it is important that you make a decision and follow this through quickly or you could have a fall. Trying to decide where you might like to go on holiday, will only mean that if you leave it for a long time they may be fully booked and you will not have that option. Whilst you can spend as long as you like thinking whether you want to change the colour of your raincoat or sheets. It is recognizing which category something belongs to that is important.

Absolutely this!
Thinking is good, how could it not be, but overthinking is as bad as underthinking.
Ask yourself how much a decision one way or another really matters and go from there.

Overthinking, that is repetitive, unproductive mental processing that doesn’t lead to better understanding or action, isn't helpful

Some people naturally spend more time with their thoughts; are more reflective by default, often examine ideas from multiple angles.

Ask yourself “Is this thinking helping me move forward? If not ask yourself:

What would a reasonable next step be?”
What would I advise someone else to do?

Write it down. Overthinking thrives in the head; it weakens on paper.

Set a stopping rule, eg., “I’ll think about this for 15 minutes, then decide.”
It helps close loops.

Accept ‘good enough’ understanding. Depth doesn’t require total certainty.

Being who you are may mean deep thinking comes naturally to you. That's neither a good or a bad thing. It's just a you thing.

I suspect my overthinking began when my children were young. We lived a long way from family and I had no support. I was anxious, aware of the responsibility for the safety and well being of two tiny children, and very demanding husband. I tried to anticipate and prepare for every scenario, even those beyond my control. And the habit stuck. Until my daughter told me (nicely) that I overthink I hadn’t even realised I did it and her tendency to just take things as they come seemed ridiculous to me. Now I can see that overthinking has contributed to my general anxiety and I am trying hard to distract myself. Easier said than done though.

Some really helpful insights here, thankyou everyone x

GrannySomerset

Madeleine has it right - some things need to be thought through from every angle, others don’t need or deserve such effort. I suppose the trick is knowing which is which.

True dat.

One thing I've learnt is that if something is taking up a lot of mindspace then I find it useful to go for a walk and sometimes solutions/or at least a bit of a way forward come up whilst I'm focusing on walking and I write them down in a mini notebook I put in my handbag if I know something needs working out.

I always keep a notebook and biro by my bed - for those "middle of the night" how-to type thoughts and then there's no telling myself "I must remember that useful thought until the morning". I write it down and throw that notebook on the floor - so that when I get up it's a reminder I've written down a to-do note there. It's off my mind then and I can focus on going back to sleep. That tip was invaluable at times when I was, say, doing two full-time jobs and only being paid for one of them (the other being voluntary).

I'm very prone to list-making - what needs doing and the most important order to do it in.

I will ask for advice if it's helpful - eg asking how to deal with living in an area where what should take one visit to a shop to sort out and Job Done is turning into four (!!!!) visits to 3 different shops to complete the task (ie getting a very basic phone I've bought up-and-running). That's very far from the only thing that has taken a lot more effort than should be necessary to get it done and dusted and it drives me mad all this time-wasting because someone else hasn't got their act together.

It's as well to think things through properly imo - rather than "running at it" and forgetting or bodging part of the process.

I definitely overthink, every different kind of scenario occurs depending on certain situations, anxiety is a facet of my personality I think.

Recently when mid teen granddaughter was staying with us, I was driving her into our local town. There's a pub halfway down the hill where there have been occasions when drivers emerge from the car park without giving due caution into the line of traffic. So I tend to slow down somewhat as I approach that spot. My granddaughter sitting next to me questioned that, I told her a precautionary measure as to the unexpected. Her "I think you're overthinking the situation" oh thanks for the benefit of your worldly experience were my inner thoughts that lay unexpressed.

Flippinheck

I suspect my overthinking began when my children were young. We lived a long way from family and I had no support. I was anxious, aware of the responsibility for the safety and well being of two tiny children, and very demanding husband. I tried to anticipate and prepare for every scenario, even those beyond my control. And the habit stuck. Until my daughter told me (nicely) that I overthink I hadn’t even realised I did it and her tendency to just take things as they come seemed ridiculous to me. Now I can see that overthinking has contributed to my general anxiety and I am trying hard to distract myself. Easier said than done though.

That's entirely understandable imo.

Having to do 4 peoples worth of thinking for them and I gather a lot of women still have to do some of their husbands thinking for them (eg they'll help with the housework - but have to be told what needs doing, rather than realising it of themselves). That phrase "mental load" that married/living together women often use to denote that they're having to do some of his share of the thinking - as well as their own share.

Terribull - your granddaughter by definition won't yet be as aware of how stupid some other people can be as someone two generations older than her.

With age doesn't necessarily come wisdom - but it does bring on cynicism of the "If someone can get something wrong and muck it up" means there's a good chance they'll do just that. So you're aware t'other person may be a selfish/unfocused idiot....

I am a serial overthinker. It used to drive DH mad. “Just make a b****y decision, woman! It’s not rocket science!” Now I can overthink to my hearts content and get nothing done. Life is full of ”what ifs”.

I’m an over thinker and a lot of it is because in any situation I don’t just think about how it will affect me but also how it will affect everyone else. I’m also a worst case scenario sort of person. When I had a worrying blood test result recently I keep thinking of what my physio said to me ‘ don’t over think it’. And I must admit that she was right and, in future I’m going to try to take her advice ( not sure if it will work, though…).