Is it the end of a long friendship?

She is utterly over-reacting. If there is no underlying condition or worry that is causing her reaction (ask her), it might be over.
I'd have a heart to heart with her, be honest and, if no resolution, take a step back and see if she gets it and tries to make amends.
The trouble with doing nothig and ignoring it, is that it will still stick in your craw I think? And she might think unreasonable behaviour is ok if aimed at you.

Sounds to me as if she is becoming ill, is she elderly? It does sound like things my Dad would do when he was ill.

I wonder if she thinks that you’ve re-gifted a present that you didn’t want.

I’m a fan of Options hot chocolate and have it at least once daily. So I buy the plastic jars in bargain half-dozens online, which means I’m probably nearly always drinking past the ‘best before’ date.
Never felt fitter!
Join a book/crafting/walking group OP and make some newer, less troublesome, friends.

She seems slightly 'paranoid'. Keep in touch with her regardless----she may improve , or revise her ideas.

nanna8
One of my oldest friends is not 60 and for the last three years has become "strange " and frankly at times - not very nice.
Two of her friends and a relative have complained about her to me.

I've worried about it .

Her family laugh about her forgetfulness.
They aren't a loving family and are always at odds with each other.
She says that her memory lapses are due to her menopause.
Texts are not finished .
Or they don't make sense .
She's late for everything.
She's lost several jobs.
The last one lasted a week.
And she's taking sick leave from her new one.
Impatient ,intolerant and irritable with me -I don't enjoy her company .
She's absolutely obsessed with a new friend and seems to be happy when she's with her.
On one occasion , crying because she was unable to spend the afternoon with her having slept over at her house.

And finally, my Christnas gift was returned as unsuitable!

To be honest if I had received this gift I would have just thrown it away as I am very OCD about using things out of date and would never have mentioned it to my friend as would not have wanted to offend her. Just thanked her for her lovely gift. I think you have apologised it was a genuine mistake and it is out of order for her to keep going on. I would distance myself.

I bought a very dear friend a Dcuk company cyclist Dcuk for his 70 birthday last week. He and my DH go cycling weekly together and I thought he might like it. No he didn’t thank me and when I asked if he had liked it he said what do I do with it a bit pointless really!!! I was hurt as I thought it was something a bit quirky and different to give him alongside a bottle of good red wine. I will just put his comments behind me and move on but think very carefully what I buy him next year😂

I think I would send her a new (in date) box of hot chocolate with a grovelling note saying you feel terrible and you certainly wouldn’t have sent the out of date one deliberately and you don’t want to lose your friendship over it. I would then leave her to get in touch and hope she forgets about it. If she doesn’t then I’m afraid you will have to assume your friendship has ended.

Esmay

I wonder if this friend has the beginning of dementia.
I've noticed that as dementia develops tempers become frayed ,
Irritability and impatience set in and so does paranoia.

Apologise and just it go .

Yes- I have come across this in a couple of people I know. It’s a consideration. It would be more normal for someone just to keep quiet in this situation or make a bit of a joke of it.

When you are ready get in touch with your friend in a casual way. Never mention the chocolate again, if she mentions it don’t respond. 40 years of friendship must count for more than one present!

I wonder if this friend has the beginning of dementia.
I've noticed that as dementia develops tempers become frayed ,
Irritability and impatience set in and so does paranoia.

Apologise and just it go .

I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
She may have felt you thought so little of her that you found some hot chocolate that had been in your cupboard for ages and gave as a gift.

It's another way of looking at it as she sounded very hurt and went on the attack.

I couldn't get upset by out of date chocolates. They usually last a long time anyway, even if they are labelled out of date.

If they were truly old, they would have a silvery grey coating on top.

Unless they looked very old, I would have eaten them.

Your friend is being overdramatic and insensitive.

This sounds very sad, but I question how much of a friend she regards you being? I would never say things like that to a friend I valued- you just throw the chocolate away or drink it.

I would be very hurt if my friend treated me in this way.

I hope you manage to heal the rift because good friends need to be treasured- but maybe she isn't that good a friend after all? She isn't treasuring you.

How much do you value the friendship?

Is she someone you enjoy spending time with who you look forward to meeting up with?

Are you comfortable and yourself when you’re with her?

Can you laugh with her cry with her discuss your problems with her knowing they won’t go anywhere else?

Does she discuss her problems with you?

That’s the only friendship I’m interested in nowadays.

cfmp you have already apologised to your friend. There is no need for you to do any more, other than maybe buy her something to replace the hot chocolates. 💐 If she continues to berate you for your ‘oversight’ I’d be inclined to give her a wide berth until she calms down and stops droning on about it. 🥱
Is there any chance that she has an underlying condition which might explain her over reaction?

I wouldn’t fall out with a friend over this. I’d mention it and we would have a good laugh about it but falling out is just pathetic IMO.

Anyone can make a mistake and if the OP’s friend can’t see past her own small minded entitlement she’s not worth the energy.

Agree with M0nica.

Yesterday evening I made us both a hot chocolate drink from a container of drinking chocolate. It didn’t occur to me to examine the date. I’ve just been and looked. It’s 18 months after the best before date, tasted fine and we’re still here.

A dear friend gave me a lovely little gift bag stuffed with good quality chocolates (Hotel Chocolat) bars of Lindt and Suchard chocolate. I was very pleased - until I discovered that they were all out of date. Not just by a little. Some were over a year past use by date. I must say that DH and I thought it was hilarious and wouldn't dream of mentioning it to the lady concerned.

Did you offer to take it back to the shop you had bought it from? Did you actually see the date on the packaging? I am wondering if she got the dates mixed up as in it was stamped for 2026 making it not out of date till this year , it's unusual these days for items to be sold out of date or did you purchase it and put it away months in advance.

A good friend would have noticed the sell by date had passed - and not said a word to you. Just consumed it anyway or thrown it away.

That is what a good friend would do. Reach your own conclusion

Hatty05darling

For goodness sake!! She’s not much of a friend is she??!

She was rude, thoughtless and unkind to OP .

Elless
How very awkward 🤔

Could you have taken them back to M&S and swapped for some you liked. I'd never dream of buying knickers for anyone as a gift.

Blimey I wouldn’t even have looked at the dates on a gift !!
So if anyone’s sending me anything out of date don’t worry I won’t even notice it 🤣

I'd never dream of giving a pack of briefs as a present Elless your friend sounds very odd

Surely your friend should have known you wouldn't have bought her an out of date gift on purpose cfmp?
It saddens and baffles me, how you think you've known someone for years but something as trivial as an out of date gift can cause a rift in the friendship.

I had, what I thought, a 'sister/friend' for 60+ years. It was always a brittle kind of friendship, I would choose my words carefully or risk the odd upset if she didn't agree but I always thought we'd be forever friends. Then we got into a conversation about Trump, she being a devotee and me the opposite, we couldn't agree on anything. Next thing I knew, she texted me to say we could no longer be friends and I haven't heard from her for two years now.
The gist is, you think you really know someone but the reality is, you really don't